How could June be mostly over? How could our one summer vacation be over and done with except for a few stray pieces of luggage? How could summer be going so fast and yet some days seem to be filled with endless boredom?
Since my last post I have been madly trying to get things together for our precious new son that will arrive sometime in the next 6 to 10 weeks. Hard to believe except for my bulging tummy and ankles for that matter. It amazes me how much more expensive baby things seem to be...I guess along with everything else...gas, food, etc. God has been gracious and has given us wisdom on what to buy and what to live without.
My daughter recently cut 10 inches off her hair to donate for locks of love. My son got a cute haircut too...I had to convince him that he couldn't grow his out to donate. Cute. Cute. I am so blessed with great kids. I am overwhelmed by this fact constantly it seems.
I have decided to go green in several areas of our lives. We have always cleaned with green products which I love. The kids can help me and I don't worry about them breathing chemicals. I have found a natural makeup line that seems to be agreeing with my skin so far. And, drum roll please, we are exploring the possibility of cloth diapering. I am impressed with what is available and am thrilled at how much better the diapers are for baby and the environment. Just in case you are worried about me and being eco-conscious, I want to put you at ease in that I am still shaving my legs and have no plans to quit wearing deodorant any time soon. Again, as in any other areas of our lives, moderation is the key.
I am finding myself more introspective these days, thinking through the days and weeks to come. I am thankful during this time that my God is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I am so thankful for His intimate friendship. I have had so many questions during this time of transition for our family. I am just glad I know that He is rock that won't falter that won't leave that won't judge me.
That is about it for today. Lord, thank you for this day you have given me. Help me to find joy in each moment and most of all to recognize how close you are to little old me. Thank you that you care, you provide, you see, you know all and you never give up on me.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Non sun burn
Okay, so I know and remember the constant night waking with being pregnant. I have to pee at least once a night. But last night when I woke up I felt like my face was on fire. For some reason it did not bother me at 3 in the morning. I just went pee and went back to bed. It takes me like 5 minutes to resettle and get my pillows just right so I don't roll over on my back like I am not suppose to. Then I have to adjust pillows so my neck doesn't get a kink. Then, it seems like baby decides to do the flip flops or kung fu. Ugh. Preparation for the sleepless nights to come :).
Anyway, when I got up finally this morning I glanced in the mirror as I went by. Not only was my face on fire but it itched and was like crab red. We are not talking like cute pink been in my garden for the afternoon but like an "Oh my goodness what happened to that lady" red. Upon further inspection, the places that were red not only itched but were swollen. Holy cow. I didn't sign up for this!
I had decided that because I was out of the facial cleanser that I had been using that I would try another that had the "NEW" label on it. I have said before that I am a sucker when it comes to trying new things. If I don't try it I will never know if it was a miracle product that might put all my others to shame and do things that I never knew were possible with skincare. So, I couldn't just buy the new cleanser, I had to do the whole line...cleanser, toner and moisturizer. Now it was very apparent to me that I was possibly allergic to one of the ingredients in one of the items. Okay, very deathly allergic.
My husband woke up and he said, "It looks like your face has some sort of chemical burn." Okay, I had just spent the last 10 minutes inspecting my face in the mirror trying to convince myself that in more natural light it couldn't possibly be as bad as I thought. I guessed wrong. I tried washing my face gently and that only made it itch. I took a shower, same story.
My husband has said to me again and again, "Why do you switch products. Why don't you stick with what works. I don't understand you." So back to the store I went to buy the old tried-and-true cleanser (which happens to be an extra gentle cleanser). I don't really know what I was thinking. I was eager to just give something new a try and was sure my skin could handle it. Let me tell you, the walk back to what really works is a long walk back...you can guess where I am going.
The spiritual implication that I can make is simple: Mess with fire and you are going to get burned. Stick with the truth and you won't be disappointed (or itchy and swollen!).
Anyway, when I got up finally this morning I glanced in the mirror as I went by. Not only was my face on fire but it itched and was like crab red. We are not talking like cute pink been in my garden for the afternoon but like an "Oh my goodness what happened to that lady" red. Upon further inspection, the places that were red not only itched but were swollen. Holy cow. I didn't sign up for this!
I had decided that because I was out of the facial cleanser that I had been using that I would try another that had the "NEW" label on it. I have said before that I am a sucker when it comes to trying new things. If I don't try it I will never know if it was a miracle product that might put all my others to shame and do things that I never knew were possible with skincare. So, I couldn't just buy the new cleanser, I had to do the whole line...cleanser, toner and moisturizer. Now it was very apparent to me that I was possibly allergic to one of the ingredients in one of the items. Okay, very deathly allergic.
My husband woke up and he said, "It looks like your face has some sort of chemical burn." Okay, I had just spent the last 10 minutes inspecting my face in the mirror trying to convince myself that in more natural light it couldn't possibly be as bad as I thought. I guessed wrong. I tried washing my face gently and that only made it itch. I took a shower, same story.
My husband has said to me again and again, "Why do you switch products. Why don't you stick with what works. I don't understand you." So back to the store I went to buy the old tried-and-true cleanser (which happens to be an extra gentle cleanser). I don't really know what I was thinking. I was eager to just give something new a try and was sure my skin could handle it. Let me tell you, the walk back to what really works is a long walk back...you can guess where I am going.
The spiritual implication that I can make is simple: Mess with fire and you are going to get burned. Stick with the truth and you won't be disappointed (or itchy and swollen!).
Monday, April 28, 2008
What does it look like?
Okay, so today I going to test the comment part of my blog...I know that I am not always good at commenting on blogs myself, but I am curious about the opinions of you moms out there.
What does being a "good" mom look like to you? Do you feel like you are a "good" mom? What characteristic do you find yourself lacking if any?
Here goes my sharing: I have battled the good mom syndrome for as long as I have had kids. I thought that a good mom spent her whole day at her children's beck and call. Now after 7 years, reality has set in. I do my best to be there for my kids but let's face it, when you are pregnant and have 2 kids already, sometimes it is all you can do to meet one need for the day.
I felt like my mom was a good mom and I don't really remember her being there every moment to entertain me. She worked all my growing up years and I spent a better part of the day with my grandparents. I still think that the time she invested was sufficient.
When I have the proper perspective, i.e. a Godly one, I feel like I am a good mom. Knowing that good can mean different things for different moms, I feel free. I am the best mom for my kids and I know that God gave them to me with this understanding. I know I am not perfect and I don't always make Godly choices in my mothering, but I feel like I am good mom to my kids. (This is written in a moment of confidence!)
I feel like sometimes I lack the nurturing spirit that I have seen in other moms. Sometimes my creativity and motherly instincts are not always in me. Sometimes I feel like I have to dig deep and find that inner mom :) if that makes any sense to anyone.
I have read way too many articles on mothering and perhaps way too many books. My heart's cry of late has been that God would show me where I need to grow as a mom that pleases Him and that, He says, is "very good."
I'd like to follow up this post with a response to your comments....if anyone is out there???
What does being a "good" mom look like to you? Do you feel like you are a "good" mom? What characteristic do you find yourself lacking if any?
Here goes my sharing: I have battled the good mom syndrome for as long as I have had kids. I thought that a good mom spent her whole day at her children's beck and call. Now after 7 years, reality has set in. I do my best to be there for my kids but let's face it, when you are pregnant and have 2 kids already, sometimes it is all you can do to meet one need for the day.
I felt like my mom was a good mom and I don't really remember her being there every moment to entertain me. She worked all my growing up years and I spent a better part of the day with my grandparents. I still think that the time she invested was sufficient.
When I have the proper perspective, i.e. a Godly one, I feel like I am a good mom. Knowing that good can mean different things for different moms, I feel free. I am the best mom for my kids and I know that God gave them to me with this understanding. I know I am not perfect and I don't always make Godly choices in my mothering, but I feel like I am good mom to my kids. (This is written in a moment of confidence!)
I feel like sometimes I lack the nurturing spirit that I have seen in other moms. Sometimes my creativity and motherly instincts are not always in me. Sometimes I feel like I have to dig deep and find that inner mom :) if that makes any sense to anyone.
I have read way too many articles on mothering and perhaps way too many books. My heart's cry of late has been that God would show me where I need to grow as a mom that pleases Him and that, He says, is "very good."
I'd like to follow up this post with a response to your comments....if anyone is out there???
Monday, April 21, 2008
Family
I just love mine, first of all. What a blessing and a treasure I have in each one...even the one in my womb!
My morning consisted of waking up to my son coughing. I knew that he was coming down with something and the wake up call was just a reminder. With all of the hullabaloo about cough medicines I have opted to try more natural means of cough control (i.e. nothing). He slept well so God gets the glory for that one.
He came downstairs and played computer for awhile. He amazes me at his age (5) with his abilities to play on the computer. I try to limit his time. Try is the operative word here. How much is too much? At one point he called for fruit snacks. I didn't come so he called again more agitated. I started to grab some when he specified, "Spongebob, not just the fruity ones." Of course I had grabbed the fruity and had to go back to exchange them for the Spongebob ones. I served him his fruit snacks and he continued to play happily.
I managed to get it together enough to make it to the grocery store. I had a tighter budget this week so I was shopping the bargains. This week we will dine on tacos and homemade macaroni. Thanks to the Plainfield Chamber of Commerce lady who stopped by with some coupons for free pizzas at Pappa Murphy's before I left for the store! Sounds healthy eh? I actually called my mom from the grocery store because I felt guilty about the health of my meals. She quickly and confidently responded, "Do you pray over your meals?" Of course I responded, "yes." She then asked me, "Don't you think that our God is big enough to nourish your family with the food that you provide for them?" Again, a confident "yes" from me. She reminded me that God sees my heart and my grocery budget and is not limited by either. We serve a big God.
How refreshing it is to call on a mom to let you off the hook. We moms need to stick together. In a world that tries to dictate what is good or not for our kids we need God's wisdom, Godly counsel and Godly moms to help us along the way. This parenting stuff is daunting. Fruit snacks or raisins? Computer or none? How much? Organic or whole grain or both? Supplements or not? Vaccinate or not? The barrage of things we face daily is pretty incredible. All I know is that I do my best and God does the rest. His part is pretty big because I know my best isn't much. Something about filthy rags is ringing in my head right now. If you are a mom that needs to hear it, and I think most of us do, repeat this out loud several times, "I am a great mom and Christ enables me to take great care of my family." Sometimes I feel like this world tries to rob me of the confidence that I need to make it through each day. Today, I am combating that with battle on my knees and a loud proclamation that God enables me to be the best mom that I can be. No matter what my mothering looks like to anyone else, I will be confident!
Moms, don't be afraid to step out and seek encouragement like I did today. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone...audibly! If we wallow in our feelings of inadequacy or feelings of being overwhelmed the only one who wins is the enemy. Step out and make a call. On God first and then on another mom who can tell you that you are doing awesome and that you can make it. And best yet, when relying on God and Godly counsel your kids are going to turn out okay~!
My morning consisted of waking up to my son coughing. I knew that he was coming down with something and the wake up call was just a reminder. With all of the hullabaloo about cough medicines I have opted to try more natural means of cough control (i.e. nothing). He slept well so God gets the glory for that one.
He came downstairs and played computer for awhile. He amazes me at his age (5) with his abilities to play on the computer. I try to limit his time. Try is the operative word here. How much is too much? At one point he called for fruit snacks. I didn't come so he called again more agitated. I started to grab some when he specified, "Spongebob, not just the fruity ones." Of course I had grabbed the fruity and had to go back to exchange them for the Spongebob ones. I served him his fruit snacks and he continued to play happily.
I managed to get it together enough to make it to the grocery store. I had a tighter budget this week so I was shopping the bargains. This week we will dine on tacos and homemade macaroni. Thanks to the Plainfield Chamber of Commerce lady who stopped by with some coupons for free pizzas at Pappa Murphy's before I left for the store! Sounds healthy eh? I actually called my mom from the grocery store because I felt guilty about the health of my meals. She quickly and confidently responded, "Do you pray over your meals?" Of course I responded, "yes." She then asked me, "Don't you think that our God is big enough to nourish your family with the food that you provide for them?" Again, a confident "yes" from me. She reminded me that God sees my heart and my grocery budget and is not limited by either. We serve a big God.
How refreshing it is to call on a mom to let you off the hook. We moms need to stick together. In a world that tries to dictate what is good or not for our kids we need God's wisdom, Godly counsel and Godly moms to help us along the way. This parenting stuff is daunting. Fruit snacks or raisins? Computer or none? How much? Organic or whole grain or both? Supplements or not? Vaccinate or not? The barrage of things we face daily is pretty incredible. All I know is that I do my best and God does the rest. His part is pretty big because I know my best isn't much. Something about filthy rags is ringing in my head right now. If you are a mom that needs to hear it, and I think most of us do, repeat this out loud several times, "I am a great mom and Christ enables me to take great care of my family." Sometimes I feel like this world tries to rob me of the confidence that I need to make it through each day. Today, I am combating that with battle on my knees and a loud proclamation that God enables me to be the best mom that I can be. No matter what my mothering looks like to anyone else, I will be confident!
Moms, don't be afraid to step out and seek encouragement like I did today. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone...audibly! If we wallow in our feelings of inadequacy or feelings of being overwhelmed the only one who wins is the enemy. Step out and make a call. On God first and then on another mom who can tell you that you are doing awesome and that you can make it. And best yet, when relying on God and Godly counsel your kids are going to turn out okay~!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Life at my speed
It is 2:00 p.m. and I am still in my pajamas. My son is still in his pajamas. I asked him if he wanted to put on his clothes and he said "No, not yet." I asked him why and he replied, "Because my jammies are so fluffy." I could not argue with that. Today I agree with him. I have on my satin pj bottoms and and nice comfy shirt. Why bother with clothes when I am comfortable the way I am!!
We have had a crazy week. Trips to hospitals and doctors offices have made this girl tired. Next week will bring casts for my daughter and will also bring news whether we are having a boy or a girl. (I guess girl today). I was laying in bed this morning reminding myself that we are to forget what lies behind, even 24 hours behind, and press on towards what lies ahead. Even when what lies ahead seems difficult nothing is impossible with our God.
I heard Beth Moore say something this week that has stuck with me, "God's enormity trumps our inferiority." Hallelujah. Where we are weak and lacking He is strong. Where I don't measure up He picks up the slack. What an amazing God we serve.
Okay, here is my crazy question of the day. I have spent a lot of time over my sink the last couple days. We purchased a juicer, I love it, but it requires a lot of cleaning! Anyway, why is it that stainless steel sinks stain?? I get these crazy water stains everywhere. I thought it was called "stainless" steel?? What's the deal?
Back to the juicer. We decided that this purchase would make us healthier. We purchased nice produce, as nice as the budget would allow, and off we went. I thought, wow, I am clever because I can sneak a carrot into my kid's juice. I made my son a cup of strawberry, grape, apple, carrot. He took one sip and said, "I don't yike it!" "What part don't you like?" I replied. "The part that I swallow," he said. Well, that about covers it. So much for health for my kids. I have tried many ways to get veggies into them. I think prayer that somehow God would enrich fruit snack with antioxidants is all I am left with.
I feel healthier from my juice. I enjoy making different mixtures. Today was tomato, carrot, celery and apple. Fresh tomato juice is quite tasty. I don't know about the celery part...I had to imagine that taste away with every sip. The spiritual implication of course, God's word is sweet. There are those parts however, that are hard to swallow. They are good for us, but sometimes they are hard to get down.
Here's to a healthy, lazy Friday afternoon. Thanks Lord for your enormity!
We have had a crazy week. Trips to hospitals and doctors offices have made this girl tired. Next week will bring casts for my daughter and will also bring news whether we are having a boy or a girl. (I guess girl today). I was laying in bed this morning reminding myself that we are to forget what lies behind, even 24 hours behind, and press on towards what lies ahead. Even when what lies ahead seems difficult nothing is impossible with our God.
I heard Beth Moore say something this week that has stuck with me, "God's enormity trumps our inferiority." Hallelujah. Where we are weak and lacking He is strong. Where I don't measure up He picks up the slack. What an amazing God we serve.
Okay, here is my crazy question of the day. I have spent a lot of time over my sink the last couple days. We purchased a juicer, I love it, but it requires a lot of cleaning! Anyway, why is it that stainless steel sinks stain?? I get these crazy water stains everywhere. I thought it was called "stainless" steel?? What's the deal?
Back to the juicer. We decided that this purchase would make us healthier. We purchased nice produce, as nice as the budget would allow, and off we went. I thought, wow, I am clever because I can sneak a carrot into my kid's juice. I made my son a cup of strawberry, grape, apple, carrot. He took one sip and said, "I don't yike it!" "What part don't you like?" I replied. "The part that I swallow," he said. Well, that about covers it. So much for health for my kids. I have tried many ways to get veggies into them. I think prayer that somehow God would enrich fruit snack with antioxidants is all I am left with.
I feel healthier from my juice. I enjoy making different mixtures. Today was tomato, carrot, celery and apple. Fresh tomato juice is quite tasty. I don't know about the celery part...I had to imagine that taste away with every sip. The spiritual implication of course, God's word is sweet. There are those parts however, that are hard to swallow. They are good for us, but sometimes they are hard to get down.
Here's to a healthy, lazy Friday afternoon. Thanks Lord for your enormity!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
In a box
Moving is such a major ordeal. My sister moves every 3 years because her husband is in the military. I have a new level of respect for her. I told my husband that I had a great idea. We bought some of that plastic wrap for moving at a moving supply store. I told him that we should put everything that is left out in a big pile in the living room and run the plastic wrap around it several times. Then, when we move we can just pick up the big "left-over" and place it in the moving van. He wasn't amused.
I was shockingly saddened today as I put my pile of "skinny jeans" in a box to be moved. I actually thought that it might be better to just mark that box for Good Will. At the rate I am growing this pregnancy, I feel like I should just kiss those jeans good-by. They say that the weight gets harder to lose the more kids you have. I just rebuke those thoughts in Jesus name.
Let me just tell you that this girl gets a whole lot of junk in her trunk and more than one set of love handles. I lost my weight with my first due to stress, my second due to more stress. I am not planning on any major stress after this one which equals no easy weight loss.
As I sat in church tonight rejoicing and celebrating the resurrection of Christ, I began to think about my skinny jeans again. My whole identity I feel has been wrapped up in that box. I enjoy being fit and active and that has defined me most of my adult life. I realized that I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be what I have always been.
I began to think, what if instead of just putting those jeans in a box, I put my identity tied up in them in that box as well. What if, for perhaps the first time, I began to see myself in light of the power that Jesus died to give me. What if, instead of just dabbing the love of God on like a perfume I just dove right in and covered myself there. Funny how in that scenario clothes don't really seem to matter.
God has blessed me with another child. I am overwhelmed with His goodness. I feel horrible for having thoughts of how I look right now. Ultimately it doesn't matter. I long to have my insides refined before that little one arrives. Perhaps a couple battles won or a couple bad habits overcome. I want to take care of body but my soul is far more important. I know Jesus isn't checking out my Jean size and He doesn't base His love on how I look and neither should I.
So long skinny jeans. We may meet again, we may not. One thing is for sure, I promise that you won't recognize me if we do meet again. I'm determined not to be the same girl I was 9 months prior.
I just fell in love with a new worship CD and one of the songs on it talks about each day with Jesus being sweeter than the day before. Lord, let it be so. Let me draw ever closer to you and empower me to enjoy our relationship more each day and fall deeper in love with your word each day. Define me Lord. Remove anything else from my life that vies for your place. You are what I desire most and in You is where I am to be found. I don't want to be known for my skinny jeans but for the aroma of Christ that overwhelms people. Let today be sweeter than tomorrow and tomorrow sweeter than today.
I was shockingly saddened today as I put my pile of "skinny jeans" in a box to be moved. I actually thought that it might be better to just mark that box for Good Will. At the rate I am growing this pregnancy, I feel like I should just kiss those jeans good-by. They say that the weight gets harder to lose the more kids you have. I just rebuke those thoughts in Jesus name.
Let me just tell you that this girl gets a whole lot of junk in her trunk and more than one set of love handles. I lost my weight with my first due to stress, my second due to more stress. I am not planning on any major stress after this one which equals no easy weight loss.
As I sat in church tonight rejoicing and celebrating the resurrection of Christ, I began to think about my skinny jeans again. My whole identity I feel has been wrapped up in that box. I enjoy being fit and active and that has defined me most of my adult life. I realized that I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be what I have always been.
I began to think, what if instead of just putting those jeans in a box, I put my identity tied up in them in that box as well. What if, for perhaps the first time, I began to see myself in light of the power that Jesus died to give me. What if, instead of just dabbing the love of God on like a perfume I just dove right in and covered myself there. Funny how in that scenario clothes don't really seem to matter.
God has blessed me with another child. I am overwhelmed with His goodness. I feel horrible for having thoughts of how I look right now. Ultimately it doesn't matter. I long to have my insides refined before that little one arrives. Perhaps a couple battles won or a couple bad habits overcome. I want to take care of body but my soul is far more important. I know Jesus isn't checking out my Jean size and He doesn't base His love on how I look and neither should I.
So long skinny jeans. We may meet again, we may not. One thing is for sure, I promise that you won't recognize me if we do meet again. I'm determined not to be the same girl I was 9 months prior.
I just fell in love with a new worship CD and one of the songs on it talks about each day with Jesus being sweeter than the day before. Lord, let it be so. Let me draw ever closer to you and empower me to enjoy our relationship more each day and fall deeper in love with your word each day. Define me Lord. Remove anything else from my life that vies for your place. You are what I desire most and in You is where I am to be found. I don't want to be known for my skinny jeans but for the aroma of Christ that overwhelms people. Let today be sweeter than tomorrow and tomorrow sweeter than today.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Sunday Afternoon
We just got home from spending some time with a group of friends from church. We ate some great food, we laughed, the kids ate mostly cookies and pop and fought with each other. We came home and my husband and the kids are out enjoying the sunshine. I can hear my daughter crying in frustration about her bike riding. My son is far too big for the bike he has. I just watched him do a somersault in the yard with his bike helmet on. His knees are probably sore from the few short moments of trying to ride his bike. I have a new respect for the patience of my husband.
I am in my house looking at piles of this and that. Moving is never fun or easy or organized for me. I am overwhelmed and excited all at the same time. We are finally purchasing our first real home after 10 years of marriage. God has blessed us beyond measure again and again. We are so grateful. I look down at my bulging tummy and wonder why me. Why would God bless me. A broken mom who sometimes gets it right. A mom with two healthy, beautiful children and a loving husband and another blessing ready to come in August. I can't quite fathom God's goodness here, that is for sure.
The upcoming days will be filled with excitement and anticipation. I can't help but think of the challenges that lay ahead as well. Piles of boxes, sleepless nights, tests of whether or not I will finally be able to nurse and other adjustments. Will I be able to relax and enjoy the tender moments or will allow the moments to rush by covered in a pile of anxiety.
My prayer these days has been that God would empower this coward. I want Him to be my passion as I pursue the task of mothering like never before. I never thought of praying that God would equip me for the day to day stuff. I mostly depended upon Him for the monumental things. I would pray over situations during my day but never before set my face towards the heavens and cried out for daily power in my walk as a mother. Not as a woman, not as a pastor's wife but as a mom. I don't want to be a super mom I want to be a powerful mom. A mom that people look at and see Jesus oozing out all over the place in my interaction with and in regards to my kids.
Lord, you see all of the situations surrounding me. You alone are enthroned in heaven and yet that power is not untouchable. As you become more of my obsession I pray that you would help me as I walk this challenging road as a mom. Help me with the little moments and the big moments too. Most of all, help me to overcome the areas of weakness and stand tall in your strength. I give you praise and glory and honor for what you have done and are doing. I don't deserve your blessing and yet you give it in abundance. Thank you Lord, thank you. Help me to be a power-ful. A mom that so leans on your indwelling that I am lost and You are what people are left to see.
I am in my house looking at piles of this and that. Moving is never fun or easy or organized for me. I am overwhelmed and excited all at the same time. We are finally purchasing our first real home after 10 years of marriage. God has blessed us beyond measure again and again. We are so grateful. I look down at my bulging tummy and wonder why me. Why would God bless me. A broken mom who sometimes gets it right. A mom with two healthy, beautiful children and a loving husband and another blessing ready to come in August. I can't quite fathom God's goodness here, that is for sure.
The upcoming days will be filled with excitement and anticipation. I can't help but think of the challenges that lay ahead as well. Piles of boxes, sleepless nights, tests of whether or not I will finally be able to nurse and other adjustments. Will I be able to relax and enjoy the tender moments or will allow the moments to rush by covered in a pile of anxiety.
My prayer these days has been that God would empower this coward. I want Him to be my passion as I pursue the task of mothering like never before. I never thought of praying that God would equip me for the day to day stuff. I mostly depended upon Him for the monumental things. I would pray over situations during my day but never before set my face towards the heavens and cried out for daily power in my walk as a mother. Not as a woman, not as a pastor's wife but as a mom. I don't want to be a super mom I want to be a powerful mom. A mom that people look at and see Jesus oozing out all over the place in my interaction with and in regards to my kids.
Lord, you see all of the situations surrounding me. You alone are enthroned in heaven and yet that power is not untouchable. As you become more of my obsession I pray that you would help me as I walk this challenging road as a mom. Help me with the little moments and the big moments too. Most of all, help me to overcome the areas of weakness and stand tall in your strength. I give you praise and glory and honor for what you have done and are doing. I don't deserve your blessing and yet you give it in abundance. Thank you Lord, thank you. Help me to be a power-ful. A mom that so leans on your indwelling that I am lost and You are what people are left to see.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Catching Up
I took a walk with my kids today as the temperatures climbed to a balmy 35 degrees. My kids insisted on running ahead, running in the snow and mud and touching the snow piles with their bare hands. I was constantly mumbling "No, please don't!" to them but they were too far away to hear the request. They would stop every now and then and make sure I was still coming. I am a bit slower these days...both physically and mentally!
It was so sweet to see my precious kids running hand in hand down the sidewalk. My daughter who runs much faster than her brother just sort of pulled him along as she ran. My son didn't seem to mind as long as he never felt like he was behind. He hates to lose, especially to his sister. I savor the moments that my children love each other because it seems like they fight now more than they laugh together.
I did catch up to my kids today, only after I hollered and demanded they stop and wait. I feel just a little bit behind like that these days. I wish I could simply holler, "Stop. Wait!" But I know it wouldn't do any good. We have so much going on and my heart is so heavy. Just as I wrote those words the Lord just dropped into my heart that the "Stop. Wait!!" times are found in His presence. It is there where we can forget about what lies ahead or behind and just fall limp into His strong arms. I've needed those arms a lot lately. This has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life.
I will not, however, trade this season for the world. I do want to be able to look back and see how I have grown. I know that I have grown more deeply in love with my amazing husband. I know that the Lord is stretching me in ways I never knew I needed to be stretched. It is kind of like what happens during pregnancy...you don't think you can possibly grow any more and then boom overnight you have. I just wish that growing in the Lord could just sort of boom, happen during the night. Usually not. Hardly ever that. Mostly seasons of perseverance for me...I think I am a slow learner. Delete. I KNOW that I am a slow learner. Thank God He is patient. Thank God he gave me a patient husband.
Lord, thank you that I can depend on you. Thank you that I can come to you with all of my burdens, all of the deepest parts of my heart and know that you are so tender, so gentle with me. Help me during this season where I constantly feel like I want life to "stop and wait." I am desperate for more of your reality. Make yourself so real to me during this time. Help me remember that You are all that I need. Help me to accept the help that you send. Help me to be a blessing to others regardless of my own circumstances. I love you precious Lord.
It was so sweet to see my precious kids running hand in hand down the sidewalk. My daughter who runs much faster than her brother just sort of pulled him along as she ran. My son didn't seem to mind as long as he never felt like he was behind. He hates to lose, especially to his sister. I savor the moments that my children love each other because it seems like they fight now more than they laugh together.
I did catch up to my kids today, only after I hollered and demanded they stop and wait. I feel just a little bit behind like that these days. I wish I could simply holler, "Stop. Wait!" But I know it wouldn't do any good. We have so much going on and my heart is so heavy. Just as I wrote those words the Lord just dropped into my heart that the "Stop. Wait!!" times are found in His presence. It is there where we can forget about what lies ahead or behind and just fall limp into His strong arms. I've needed those arms a lot lately. This has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life.
I will not, however, trade this season for the world. I do want to be able to look back and see how I have grown. I know that I have grown more deeply in love with my amazing husband. I know that the Lord is stretching me in ways I never knew I needed to be stretched. It is kind of like what happens during pregnancy...you don't think you can possibly grow any more and then boom overnight you have. I just wish that growing in the Lord could just sort of boom, happen during the night. Usually not. Hardly ever that. Mostly seasons of perseverance for me...I think I am a slow learner. Delete. I KNOW that I am a slow learner. Thank God He is patient. Thank God he gave me a patient husband.
Lord, thank you that I can depend on you. Thank you that I can come to you with all of my burdens, all of the deepest parts of my heart and know that you are so tender, so gentle with me. Help me during this season where I constantly feel like I want life to "stop and wait." I am desperate for more of your reality. Make yourself so real to me during this time. Help me remember that You are all that I need. Help me to accept the help that you send. Help me to be a blessing to others regardless of my own circumstances. I love you precious Lord.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Loosing my brain cells and my lunch
Can you guess? Oh yes. Our family reservations are now going to be made for 5. No more two on two for this family. The children are about to outnumber us.
So far, after only nine weeks of pregnancy I have made very good friends with my toilet and my bed. Fatigue and nausea are my constant companions. I have done crazy things to boot. I have found my jar of peanut butter in a whole sink full of dirty dishes and have left the water running in the kitchen sink only to wonder what that wierd rushing water noise was. A couple days ago I actually paid for some things at a store and then left them there. My oldest child said to me, "Mom, I can't believe you just left your stuff there. I mean, how could you do that?" Well daughter, just wait until you are in you mid-thirties and have two children plus one on the way. Kids have a way of just sucking energy and sanity right out of you.
I would not trade my kids for anything. And I would not trade this pregnancy for anything. The bible says that children are a gift from the Lord and I consider myself truly blessed. I got to see my precious babies' heartbeat a week ago. The Lord is already knitting together the most perfect little one in my womb. Despite my constant throw ups and mix ups, I am desperatly humbled by God's grace and elated at the gift of life He has given to me yet again. It still seems rather surreal to me, almost too good to be true. Then I look down at my growing tummy or find myself sick and I remember how real it truly is.
What is it about early pregancy that makes you feel so fat and ugly? Maybe it's the new crop of blemishes or the fact that the only pants that fit right now are sweats?? I have tried to convince my husband that buying new makeup or getting a new haircut really do wonders for a woman's self esteem! He's coming around. What a guy! I've never felt attractive as a preganant woman. I think it has to do with the pickle/chocolate covered pretzel diet?? I just am thankful every day that there is a reason for all of this, a great reason!!
So far, after only nine weeks of pregnancy I have made very good friends with my toilet and my bed. Fatigue and nausea are my constant companions. I have done crazy things to boot. I have found my jar of peanut butter in a whole sink full of dirty dishes and have left the water running in the kitchen sink only to wonder what that wierd rushing water noise was. A couple days ago I actually paid for some things at a store and then left them there. My oldest child said to me, "Mom, I can't believe you just left your stuff there. I mean, how could you do that?" Well daughter, just wait until you are in you mid-thirties and have two children plus one on the way. Kids have a way of just sucking energy and sanity right out of you.
I would not trade my kids for anything. And I would not trade this pregnancy for anything. The bible says that children are a gift from the Lord and I consider myself truly blessed. I got to see my precious babies' heartbeat a week ago. The Lord is already knitting together the most perfect little one in my womb. Despite my constant throw ups and mix ups, I am desperatly humbled by God's grace and elated at the gift of life He has given to me yet again. It still seems rather surreal to me, almost too good to be true. Then I look down at my growing tummy or find myself sick and I remember how real it truly is.
What is it about early pregancy that makes you feel so fat and ugly? Maybe it's the new crop of blemishes or the fact that the only pants that fit right now are sweats?? I have tried to convince my husband that buying new makeup or getting a new haircut really do wonders for a woman's self esteem! He's coming around. What a guy! I've never felt attractive as a preganant woman. I think it has to do with the pickle/chocolate covered pretzel diet?? I just am thankful every day that there is a reason for all of this, a great reason!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Fear
I struggle with fear. Just admitting it makes me feel a little better, a little stronger. I have struggled with fear for as long as I can remember. I used to be a member of the Colorado Children's Chorale as a kid. We would travel around and sing with the Denver Symphony. (That was back when I actually had confidence in my ability to sing :) ) Anyway, I can remember worrying the whole time we were performing about whether or not my parents knew where to pick me up. The Boettcher Concert Hall had many entrances and exits. There were times when they were late and I would become hysterical.
Now I am 32...I actually sat in my car this week for an extended period of time and tried to figure out how old I was. I was convinced that I was not 32, but the math just kept telling me otherwise. Anyway, I still have fear. I have read books on it, studied it and thought a lot about it. It would feel good to be free from it. Especially because it is a behavior that is copied by little watching eyes. I see my daughter becoming the little worrier that I was when I was her age.
Becoming a mother has given me a new list of things to worry about. Germs is one of those things. I see this trend in women my age...so OBSESSED about something we can't see and really can't control. I have talked to women who overuse Purel, who strip their children and shower them after school to prevent germs and women who wake their children from a nap to clean their hands because they forgot before they laid them down. Lord have mercy on us!! I include myself in this cry too!!
I am convinced that this world has taught us to sweat the small things. To control every possible thing that you can. We are taught where germs are, how to kill them, how to prevent them from spreading. We can buy germ killing Kleenex, antimicrobial lunchboxes and hand sanitizer that works for 5 hours. We may feel like we are protecting our kids but guess what?? We are actually doing them a disservice. We are creating super bugs that can't be killed by Clorox or some bugs that can't be beat with antibiotics. Yet we continue to sanitize every square inch of our lives.
In my mind, it boils down to fear. God knew that our world would be a dirty one. He isn't surprised by any virus or bug. He created our bodies in such a way that they would fight off any foreign intruder. But instead, we step in and kill the germ before our bodies have a chance to show us how incredibly remarkable they are! I want to stop worrying so much and start enjoying every minute with my kids. I want to spend less time worrying about door nobs and toilet seats. Don't get me wrong, I still want a clean house but not at the expense of my child's sanity.
Ugh. That's a load. I fear other things beside germs. God will bless me with something and I will live in fear that I will loose it. I will trust God and then not trust Him. Believe Him and then become sick with worry. I read a quote once about worry: That it is like a rocking chair, even though it moves, it doesn't take you anywhere. Lord, as I sit here, my heart heavy with a burden. Something that I have worried over more than I have trusted you, liberate me! Free me Lord. I was never meant to carry the burdens of this life. I want to believe you. I want to know you as trustworthy. Help me to know the depths of Who you are so that I can trust you completely. I know I need to give up the reigns and let you lead. How many times have I prayed this Lord? Let this be the year that I stand on top and shout out with victory. You have the power to deliver me from this fear. Fear is the opposite of Faith and you say in your word that it is faith that pleases You. I LONG to please you Lord. See my heart, meet me right where I am. I know you will, you are faithful and true. Thank you in advance for liberty. In the powerful name of Jesus I pray, AMEN.
Now I am 32...I actually sat in my car this week for an extended period of time and tried to figure out how old I was. I was convinced that I was not 32, but the math just kept telling me otherwise. Anyway, I still have fear. I have read books on it, studied it and thought a lot about it. It would feel good to be free from it. Especially because it is a behavior that is copied by little watching eyes. I see my daughter becoming the little worrier that I was when I was her age.
Becoming a mother has given me a new list of things to worry about. Germs is one of those things. I see this trend in women my age...so OBSESSED about something we can't see and really can't control. I have talked to women who overuse Purel, who strip their children and shower them after school to prevent germs and women who wake their children from a nap to clean their hands because they forgot before they laid them down. Lord have mercy on us!! I include myself in this cry too!!
I am convinced that this world has taught us to sweat the small things. To control every possible thing that you can. We are taught where germs are, how to kill them, how to prevent them from spreading. We can buy germ killing Kleenex, antimicrobial lunchboxes and hand sanitizer that works for 5 hours. We may feel like we are protecting our kids but guess what?? We are actually doing them a disservice. We are creating super bugs that can't be killed by Clorox or some bugs that can't be beat with antibiotics. Yet we continue to sanitize every square inch of our lives.
In my mind, it boils down to fear. God knew that our world would be a dirty one. He isn't surprised by any virus or bug. He created our bodies in such a way that they would fight off any foreign intruder. But instead, we step in and kill the germ before our bodies have a chance to show us how incredibly remarkable they are! I want to stop worrying so much and start enjoying every minute with my kids. I want to spend less time worrying about door nobs and toilet seats. Don't get me wrong, I still want a clean house but not at the expense of my child's sanity.
Ugh. That's a load. I fear other things beside germs. God will bless me with something and I will live in fear that I will loose it. I will trust God and then not trust Him. Believe Him and then become sick with worry. I read a quote once about worry: That it is like a rocking chair, even though it moves, it doesn't take you anywhere. Lord, as I sit here, my heart heavy with a burden. Something that I have worried over more than I have trusted you, liberate me! Free me Lord. I was never meant to carry the burdens of this life. I want to believe you. I want to know you as trustworthy. Help me to know the depths of Who you are so that I can trust you completely. I know I need to give up the reigns and let you lead. How many times have I prayed this Lord? Let this be the year that I stand on top and shout out with victory. You have the power to deliver me from this fear. Fear is the opposite of Faith and you say in your word that it is faith that pleases You. I LONG to please you Lord. See my heart, meet me right where I am. I know you will, you are faithful and true. Thank you in advance for liberty. In the powerful name of Jesus I pray, AMEN.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Word of the Month
I have decided on a word for the month, if not the year. I am praying that I might experience the superabundance that God has to offer us through a personal relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. This is no small living. This is mega-living! I am praying for His superabundance to permeate my life in every area. He has come to give me life to the full. (See John 10:10). That's what I want for this year. Guess what? That's what He has wanted for us since the beginning of time. Begin today living SUPERABUNDANTLY in Him!! I am overwhelmed at how He has blessed me and I want to live like it!
su·per·a·bun·dant /ËŒsupÉ™rəˈbÊŒndÉ™nt/ –adjective
exceedingly or excessively abundant; more than sufficient; excessive.
American Psychological Association (APA):
superabundance. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved January 08, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance
Chicago Manual Style (CMS):
superabundance. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance (accessed: January 08, 2008).
Modern Language Association (MLA):
"superabundance." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 08 Jan. 2008.http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance
su·per·a·bun·dant /ËŒsupÉ™rəˈbÊŒndÉ™nt/ –adjective
exceedingly or excessively abundant; more than sufficient; excessive.
American Psychological Association (APA):
superabundance. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved January 08, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance
Chicago Manual Style (CMS):
superabundance. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance (accessed: January 08, 2008).
Modern Language Association (MLA):
"superabundance." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 08 Jan. 2008.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Grace
My niece's name is Grace. She is absolutely that. Wonderful, unexpected, amazing and sweet about sums her up. Her smile, her laugh, her cute little voice and especially her song, "We will, we will ROCK YOU!!" just make you want to melt.
It is truly amazing how similar she is to what Grace really is. Grace can be described simply as God's undeserved favor or love for mankind. The key word is undeserved. God gives us grace not because we deserve it or who we are or strive to be. God gives us grace because of who HE is.
This time of year I am overwhelmed with the number of impatient, rude, get-out-of-my-way people in our world. Christmas has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Somehow the stresses of the earthly holiday overshadow the real reason we celebrate. Nothing new said here I know.
I was just thinking about things that have been said to me, about me and things done to me lately. The only thing I can do to is ask God to help me extend grace. You see, it is never our job to condemn. The bible says that, 'There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." We have been freed and we are to look upon others in light of our freedom. Our pastor recently challenged us to be grace extended this holiday season. When we are wronged and we respond with grace we are allowing God's love to flow through us and not become stopped up in us. I think if we lived life focused upon what is right with God and less upon what is wrong with other people, we would all be happier.
I am thankful that God's word says that we have a "High Priest who sympathizes with our weaknesses." That means that God knows we aren't going to be perfect. He understands our flesh. My prayer is that I would remember to "sympathize" with others in what I perceive as their weaknesses. (Something keeps reminding me of a story of a plank and a splinter!!) We all fall short. We are all desperately in need of grace. I find that I live by grace every moment. The longer I live the more I find that I am going to flub up, make a mistake, hurt someone etc. every day of my life. I need a flood of grace. I pray Lord, that this flood of your grace that I swim in on a daily basis would overflow to those around me. Help me not to point fingers but to offer grace and point people to Christ.
It is truly amazing how similar she is to what Grace really is. Grace can be described simply as God's undeserved favor or love for mankind. The key word is undeserved. God gives us grace not because we deserve it or who we are or strive to be. God gives us grace because of who HE is.
This time of year I am overwhelmed with the number of impatient, rude, get-out-of-my-way people in our world. Christmas has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Somehow the stresses of the earthly holiday overshadow the real reason we celebrate. Nothing new said here I know.
I was just thinking about things that have been said to me, about me and things done to me lately. The only thing I can do to is ask God to help me extend grace. You see, it is never our job to condemn. The bible says that, 'There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." We have been freed and we are to look upon others in light of our freedom. Our pastor recently challenged us to be grace extended this holiday season. When we are wronged and we respond with grace we are allowing God's love to flow through us and not become stopped up in us. I think if we lived life focused upon what is right with God and less upon what is wrong with other people, we would all be happier.
I am thankful that God's word says that we have a "High Priest who sympathizes with our weaknesses." That means that God knows we aren't going to be perfect. He understands our flesh. My prayer is that I would remember to "sympathize" with others in what I perceive as their weaknesses. (Something keeps reminding me of a story of a plank and a splinter!!) We all fall short. We are all desperately in need of grace. I find that I live by grace every moment. The longer I live the more I find that I am going to flub up, make a mistake, hurt someone etc. every day of my life. I need a flood of grace. I pray Lord, that this flood of your grace that I swim in on a daily basis would overflow to those around me. Help me not to point fingers but to offer grace and point people to Christ.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Risk
I am not a gambling woman. Not a surprise to any of you I am sure. I am a terrible risk taker. I could never bet it on a chance. I am a have-to-have-all-the-details-before-I-decide kind of woman. I ask questions or surmise things in situations that my husband just laughs and says, "Are you kidding me that that actually crossed your mind?!" All of this being said, I am not saying that taking a risk is a bad thing. Gambling is bad. Real life risks can be good.
I took a risk this week. I'd love to tell you that I went base jumping or something exciting like that. In a way though, I had the same butterflies in my stomach. I was able to be completely vulnerable and eat crow with a good friend of mine. Eating crow is a hard thing to do and it never tastes good. I do know that it feels good to be humble. It feels good to say, "I blew it." No excuses. Just, "Please forgive me."
It is amazing how time changes our perspective. God has been challenging me in ways that I never really acknowledged that I needed to be challenged in. For instance, selfishness, insecurity and a critical spirit. Yep. A pastor's wife that isn't perfect. That describes me to a T. I need work. When we acknowledge our weakness, we don't have to pity our selves or feel bad about how far we have to go. We get to rejoice in the strength of Almighty God to change us. He does the work, we do the believing.
My risk didn't necessarily result in a miracle. It did begin a change though. I know that I have done what God let me to do. The results are up to Him. I think with each risk or step of faith we take with God it gets easier. Not easy but easier. I had a second opportunity to take a risk this week. I had the same butterflies. I had to humble myself again. It didn't feel good at the time but I feel closer to God as a result. Not because He moved closer but because I know that I can't go through this life with my weaknesses without a Warrior God to come in and rescue me...mostly from myself.
Dear Friend of mine, if you read this blog, please know how much I appreciate your willing heart to listen and forgive. You made eating crow a graceful thing. May God bless you for your heart of compassion and understanding.
By the way, Body by God has become a little bit more like Body by Chocolate to me lately. I made Cranberry Almond Bark yesterday. Not a good thing to do when you are tyring to avoid sugar. But, today is a new day with new grace and another chance to eat less sugar...or not.
I took a risk this week. I'd love to tell you that I went base jumping or something exciting like that. In a way though, I had the same butterflies in my stomach. I was able to be completely vulnerable and eat crow with a good friend of mine. Eating crow is a hard thing to do and it never tastes good. I do know that it feels good to be humble. It feels good to say, "I blew it." No excuses. Just, "Please forgive me."
It is amazing how time changes our perspective. God has been challenging me in ways that I never really acknowledged that I needed to be challenged in. For instance, selfishness, insecurity and a critical spirit. Yep. A pastor's wife that isn't perfect. That describes me to a T. I need work. When we acknowledge our weakness, we don't have to pity our selves or feel bad about how far we have to go. We get to rejoice in the strength of Almighty God to change us. He does the work, we do the believing.
My risk didn't necessarily result in a miracle. It did begin a change though. I know that I have done what God let me to do. The results are up to Him. I think with each risk or step of faith we take with God it gets easier. Not easy but easier. I had a second opportunity to take a risk this week. I had the same butterflies. I had to humble myself again. It didn't feel good at the time but I feel closer to God as a result. Not because He moved closer but because I know that I can't go through this life with my weaknesses without a Warrior God to come in and rescue me...mostly from myself.
Dear Friend of mine, if you read this blog, please know how much I appreciate your willing heart to listen and forgive. You made eating crow a graceful thing. May God bless you for your heart of compassion and understanding.
By the way, Body by God has become a little bit more like Body by Chocolate to me lately. I made Cranberry Almond Bark yesterday. Not a good thing to do when you are tyring to avoid sugar. But, today is a new day with new grace and another chance to eat less sugar...or not.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Happy Birthday to Me!
Yes. I will not be shy to say that TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. How's it going you wonder? Well, it is just like any other day. The kids were fighting, we were late getting out of the door and I still can't figure out why "cover up" doesn't "cover up" zits. Why make a product that sticks everywhere but where you need it to? It doesn't make sense. My face has broken out even worse than before...why is this happening? Is it my age??
I took all of my Origins products back and went back to the old faithful, Neutrogena. Time will tell...it is just frustrating at 32 to worry about! Good grief.
I have cried several times today. In the shower, at the coffee shop and even a little now. I don't know what it is. I have so much to be thankful for. I am blessed to have another day to live my life and enjoy my family. Can't quite put my finger on it.
A friend of mine gave me a chocolate bar for my birthday...WHAT A FRIEND! Friends give friends chocolate!! I have managed not to eat the whole bar in one day! Quite a feat, I know. By the way, the Body by God is going a little haywire. Thanksgiving threw me off...or maybe I just went bonkers from completely cutting out sugar....???? Who knows. I am having a hard time keeping the sugar out of my diet. A friend of mine said today, "You can be addicted to sugar just like anything else, you know." Thanks for pointing that out, dear friend! Now I have guilt. :)
I have been thinking a lot about words lately. Perhaps why I have not posted in awhile. Words have power. I have realized the influence that words have and I think that it has scared me for the first time. I know that I am going to be held accountable for my words and I want to make sure that the ones I choose are glorifying God. I don't have everything figured out. I would not consider myself a pillar in the faith. But, as Joyce Meyer says, "I may not be where I should be but praise God that I am not where I used to be. I'm okay and I'm on my way." Amen sister. One grace-filled moment at a time He works eternity into me. Help me not to let you down Dear Lord. I long for only You. You are more than enough. Thank you for the life you have blessed me with and the days I have been able to live so far. Help me, to as Steven Curtis Champan says, "live for every moment and live every moment for the Lord."
I took all of my Origins products back and went back to the old faithful, Neutrogena. Time will tell...it is just frustrating at 32 to worry about! Good grief.
I have cried several times today. In the shower, at the coffee shop and even a little now. I don't know what it is. I have so much to be thankful for. I am blessed to have another day to live my life and enjoy my family. Can't quite put my finger on it.
A friend of mine gave me a chocolate bar for my birthday...WHAT A FRIEND! Friends give friends chocolate!! I have managed not to eat the whole bar in one day! Quite a feat, I know. By the way, the Body by God is going a little haywire. Thanksgiving threw me off...or maybe I just went bonkers from completely cutting out sugar....???? Who knows. I am having a hard time keeping the sugar out of my diet. A friend of mine said today, "You can be addicted to sugar just like anything else, you know." Thanks for pointing that out, dear friend! Now I have guilt. :)
I have been thinking a lot about words lately. Perhaps why I have not posted in awhile. Words have power. I have realized the influence that words have and I think that it has scared me for the first time. I know that I am going to be held accountable for my words and I want to make sure that the ones I choose are glorifying God. I don't have everything figured out. I would not consider myself a pillar in the faith. But, as Joyce Meyer says, "I may not be where I should be but praise God that I am not where I used to be. I'm okay and I'm on my way." Amen sister. One grace-filled moment at a time He works eternity into me. Help me not to let you down Dear Lord. I long for only You. You are more than enough. Thank you for the life you have blessed me with and the days I have been able to live so far. Help me, to as Steven Curtis Champan says, "live for every moment and live every moment for the Lord."
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
How's it Going??
Alas. A new post. It has been about a month since I last posted. I don't have any real amazing insights for you. I will just give you an update in a rambling essay sort of form:
Both my kids are sick. If your kids aren't school age you will soon understand or if you are over that stage then you can surely relate - when do you keep them home and when do you send them? I sent one to school yesterday and she cried. She was sent home 3 hours later. I didn't send one and he cried about "missing his buddies." No win here. Also, I long for clarity on when to go to the doctor. I have wasted my share of money on co-pays for a "just an upper respiratory infection" diagnosis (that means "a cold" in Dr. language). Ugh. Seems like I am not the only mom on this roller coaster of wondering.
I am terribly behind on my school work. Mostly from lack of time or energy. Please pray that God will make a way!
My favorite magazine right now is Real Simple. I love it. I love their cleaning tools too. Speaking of cleaning, I am obsessed with my cleaning supplies right now. I love Shaklee's Get Clean line. If you love cleaning supplies that are actually good for you, okay for your kids to touch and good for the earth, you can get the whole kit for $120 bucks right now. You get everything from window cleaner, microfiber towels (MY FAVORITE!!), laundry detergent to dish soap and some. The stuff is concentrated so you add water. It lasts forever!! I just love it. It was on Oprah not too long ago. The germ killer kills more germs than Clorox and won't harm you like Clorox can. Enough of my sales pitch. I just can't help it. It is great stuff! I am an oddity in that I would even love cleaning supplies for my birthday!
I still love Starbucks. Nothing has changed here. :)
I will be 32 in a couple weeks. Wow. Hard to believe.
In light of better products for you, I invested in the Origins Skin Care line. My skin has gone through quite a metamorphosis. Maybe it is my age. My skin has broken out like I am 16 again. I keep holding out that the Origins isn't the cause. I was told to give it 4-6 weeks. I am close to 4. Improving but still not great. The products seem pretty great. They actually have a whole Organic line. Interesting. However, with all of the recalls with lead and chemicals, not such a bad investment if you asked me! It's just too bad most stuff wasn't just organic already. Instead we have to take stuff out and increase the price! Oh brother.
I was just talking to a friend about nutrition the other day too. I am on a new health kick. I was reading the book, Body by God and it inspired me a little. Lots of information about our food. You could go crazy trying to avoid nitrates, preservatives, antibiotics and other additives. My advice...do your best. Eat healthy within reason and then pray!! Okay. Here is my soapbox. How could I not preach just a little?? If God raised His son from the dead and then tells us that the same Resurrection power is available to us, why do we think it silly to ask God to transform our food before we eat it? I was debating over getting the flu shot for my kids. Then, I told someone that I was just going to pray over my children, anoint them with oil and trust God. She thought I was a nut. Maybe I am. But I am a nut who wants to please God with my faith! Anyway. I won't go any farther.
No baby news here. I have friends having babies and have found myself struggling a little now with my loss. I thought I was fine but I think it hits me every now and again. Another question that I wrestle with is to try again or believe that God only has 2 wonderful children for me?? Maybe I can't handle or afford 3?? Maybe my body can't handle 3? Again, no clarity here. Another roller coaster.
It's getting colder here. I miss Colorado this time of year. They were 70 degrees yesterday. Only 40 today though. :) That's Colorado!! I wanted to take my kids to the mountains. I read an article about Colorado Mountains the other day and it made me homesick. Although, Colorado is only home to my in laws now as my parents have moved. Colorado will always be my favorite state I think. We get to go for Christmas, so that is exciting.
That reminds me. I am making my own Christmas cards this year. Prayerfully they will get done before then!!
Oh, I almost forgot. I joined Facebook. I don't really understand it, but it seems to be the growing trend.
My laundry, cold coffee and sick children await. I pray this finds you well.
Ta ta for now.
Both my kids are sick. If your kids aren't school age you will soon understand or if you are over that stage then you can surely relate - when do you keep them home and when do you send them? I sent one to school yesterday and she cried. She was sent home 3 hours later. I didn't send one and he cried about "missing his buddies." No win here. Also, I long for clarity on when to go to the doctor. I have wasted my share of money on co-pays for a "just an upper respiratory infection" diagnosis (that means "a cold" in Dr. language). Ugh. Seems like I am not the only mom on this roller coaster of wondering.
I am terribly behind on my school work. Mostly from lack of time or energy. Please pray that God will make a way!
My favorite magazine right now is Real Simple. I love it. I love their cleaning tools too. Speaking of cleaning, I am obsessed with my cleaning supplies right now. I love Shaklee's Get Clean line. If you love cleaning supplies that are actually good for you, okay for your kids to touch and good for the earth, you can get the whole kit for $120 bucks right now. You get everything from window cleaner, microfiber towels (MY FAVORITE!!), laundry detergent to dish soap and some. The stuff is concentrated so you add water. It lasts forever!! I just love it. It was on Oprah not too long ago. The germ killer kills more germs than Clorox and won't harm you like Clorox can. Enough of my sales pitch. I just can't help it. It is great stuff! I am an oddity in that I would even love cleaning supplies for my birthday!
I still love Starbucks. Nothing has changed here. :)
I will be 32 in a couple weeks. Wow. Hard to believe.
In light of better products for you, I invested in the Origins Skin Care line. My skin has gone through quite a metamorphosis. Maybe it is my age. My skin has broken out like I am 16 again. I keep holding out that the Origins isn't the cause. I was told to give it 4-6 weeks. I am close to 4. Improving but still not great. The products seem pretty great. They actually have a whole Organic line. Interesting. However, with all of the recalls with lead and chemicals, not such a bad investment if you asked me! It's just too bad most stuff wasn't just organic already. Instead we have to take stuff out and increase the price! Oh brother.
I was just talking to a friend about nutrition the other day too. I am on a new health kick. I was reading the book, Body by God and it inspired me a little. Lots of information about our food. You could go crazy trying to avoid nitrates, preservatives, antibiotics and other additives. My advice...do your best. Eat healthy within reason and then pray!! Okay. Here is my soapbox. How could I not preach just a little?? If God raised His son from the dead and then tells us that the same Resurrection power is available to us, why do we think it silly to ask God to transform our food before we eat it? I was debating over getting the flu shot for my kids. Then, I told someone that I was just going to pray over my children, anoint them with oil and trust God. She thought I was a nut. Maybe I am. But I am a nut who wants to please God with my faith! Anyway. I won't go any farther.
No baby news here. I have friends having babies and have found myself struggling a little now with my loss. I thought I was fine but I think it hits me every now and again. Another question that I wrestle with is to try again or believe that God only has 2 wonderful children for me?? Maybe I can't handle or afford 3?? Maybe my body can't handle 3? Again, no clarity here. Another roller coaster.
It's getting colder here. I miss Colorado this time of year. They were 70 degrees yesterday. Only 40 today though. :) That's Colorado!! I wanted to take my kids to the mountains. I read an article about Colorado Mountains the other day and it made me homesick. Although, Colorado is only home to my in laws now as my parents have moved. Colorado will always be my favorite state I think. We get to go for Christmas, so that is exciting.
That reminds me. I am making my own Christmas cards this year. Prayerfully they will get done before then!!
Oh, I almost forgot. I joined Facebook. I don't really understand it, but it seems to be the growing trend.
My laundry, cold coffee and sick children await. I pray this finds you well.
Ta ta for now.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Unexpected Spa
My children are microderm abrasion for my soul. They seem to often times bring out in me things I didn't know were hidden deep inside. A friend told me yesterday, "Just wait until they become teenagers!" I think I will just wait! There's enough bad coming out now, perhaps by the time they are teenagers my soul's "skin" will be as porcelain.
However, spa treatments, over time, purify and make the skin radiant. So, I can only conclude that God gives us children as a blessing...and with a specific purpose.
However, spa treatments, over time, purify and make the skin radiant. So, I can only conclude that God gives us children as a blessing...and with a specific purpose.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Fumble #4
Trying to cut my daughter's bangs. I convinced my husband that I was capable. I own barber scissors and a special comb for gathering hair to clip. I remember my mom cut my bangs when I was a kid and I don't remember it being any big deal. She used to gather them, twist them tight and then snip the bottom across. I did the same thing to my daughter's bangs while she complained about having to sit still. My husband stood behind with the trash basket in place. Again, another thing for my daughter to complain about, "What's that smell? Oh gross, what is that?" These questions came again and again. My husband raised his eyebrows and asked me more than once if I knew what I was doing. Okay. In female that means, "I don't trust you. You can't do this." This makes it even more challenging for me because I love to prove people wrong! My mom always said that I would make a great lawyer. Anyway. I snipped the bangs and I could only ever get about 3/4 of the way through the clip before the scissors closed all the way. Ugh. That last 1/4 was impossible to get even with the first bit. I cut. I cut a little more. I combed her bangs down again and again.
"There," I cried, "I did it." My husband concurred. It looks good. I sent my daughter off to bed pretty proud of myself. I can't sew so it made me proud that I could at least clip a bit of hair. This morning my daughter woke up and I braided her hair. (I did not give her a choice today...in case you read yesterday's saga). She looked adorable. She ran around the kitchen pretending to be a horse (not uncommon) and then I looked at her bangs. "Holy cow" was all I could say. There were long, short, long, short, long, short pieces. Her bangs looked crazy. As I got her into the car with her dad I told her to whisk them of to the side if the long pieces got in her eyes (this helped camouflage the fact that her mom CANNOT cut hair). Of course she was still busy neighing like a horse a did not hear a word I said.
After school I brought her home. I looked at her bangs again and combed them down. She would get frustrated and whisk them back into a mess with her hand. I would comb them down again and she would repeat. Finally, I enlisted daddy's help and he simply said, "Please take her to Great Clips." Enough said.
"There," I cried, "I did it." My husband concurred. It looks good. I sent my daughter off to bed pretty proud of myself. I can't sew so it made me proud that I could at least clip a bit of hair. This morning my daughter woke up and I braided her hair. (I did not give her a choice today...in case you read yesterday's saga). She looked adorable. She ran around the kitchen pretending to be a horse (not uncommon) and then I looked at her bangs. "Holy cow" was all I could say. There were long, short, long, short, long, short pieces. Her bangs looked crazy. As I got her into the car with her dad I told her to whisk them of to the side if the long pieces got in her eyes (this helped camouflage the fact that her mom CANNOT cut hair). Of course she was still busy neighing like a horse a did not hear a word I said.
After school I brought her home. I looked at her bangs again and combed them down. She would get frustrated and whisk them back into a mess with her hand. I would comb them down again and she would repeat. Finally, I enlisted daddy's help and he simply said, "Please take her to Great Clips." Enough said.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Fumble #3
Who know where these fumbles are going...but it is fun to spread the news of my imperfections, especially since my blog is called Sara Jane Says and really what I know is very little. (I am an extremely good pretender though!)
Onwards. Fumble #3 is Blaming my lack of having it together on my kids. Ouch. This morning I woke up to my husband asking me if I was going to get up. In female that sounds a lot like "You are being lazy. Get out of bed." Not how I anticipated this day starting. Now, I confess, I asked him to help me get up earlier. Big mistake, ladies. Huge. If you are anything like me, morning is a very fragile time. I remember growing up that my family never talked to me in the morning until after I had eaten my cereal. Enough said. I got up and read my bible. After that, I looked at the clock and turned it into high-gear (i.e. crazy mom on the loose mode). I made my daughter's sandwich and then heard her yelling "Mommy!!! Mommy!!!" I muttered to my husband, "Why can't she get out of bed and come down stairs when she is awake? Why must she scream?"
She made it down stairs with her sweet daddy's help. I promptly kissed her, set her in her chair and handed her a doughnut in one swift manner. I added her vitamins to her plate to compensate for the quick, non-nutritional, powdery mess that we called breakfast this morning. Moments later my son sneaked up on me with a big smile on his face. I greeted him with a kiss and set him up with the same quality breakfast that his sister had. I supplied them with a wet washcloth to clean their hands from all of the powder. I quickly ran upstairs to hop in the shower.
By the time I made it out of the shower my husband was running out the door. He was running late and so was I. Then it hit me. Ugh. I was suppose to get my daughter an empty pringles can for a project and I did not. So high gear turned into "you-better-watch-out-here-she-comes" mode. I got dressed, threw on makeup and my kids appeared before me arguing. Not uncommon these days. I told them to quit arguing and go get on the clothes that I had pulled out for them. I continued getting ready and then checked on the progress of dressing. My daughter had on her pants and no shirt and was cuddled in bed. My son still had on his pajamas. I told them (with a more stern tone) "Please get dressed." I dried my hair and called them into the bathroom to brush teeth. I had to wait for my son because his "toes were too cold to brush his teeth." He needed socks. I told him the socks were in the hamper in my room. Did I confess that I am horrible with laundry?? He found some socks and of course has to put them on just so. I resisted the urge to grab the socks and stick them on. My daughter finished her teeth brushing. I asked her how she wanted her hair, "Pony tail, flip tail or braid?" She responded, "I want sports braids where you can't see the holder." I retorted, "We don't have time for that and I don't even know what it is." She said, "I will go get my book and show you." I responded, "We don't have time. Pony tail, flip tail or braid?" She responded, "Sports braids." UGH!!! Finally I said, "You are getting a pony tail. I don't have time for this." I sent her downstairs.
I got her brother's teeth brushed and sent him downstairs only to hear the two of them arguing over who got to sit on what step. I threw some socks down to my daughter and asked her to put them on and asked my son to put on his shoes. I brushed my teeth and headed down to put on my shoes. My daughter had on no socks and my son was back upstairs. The wheels were coming off the wagon. "I told you to put on your socks!! Where is your brother??" My son came downstairs with a huge pile of books under his arm. To my amazement he made it down the stairs without dropping them. My daughter began to cry, "I can't do this!!" My six year old had not even tried to put on her socks but insisted that she was unable. I remember muttering something about her 4 year old brother being able to do it. Then I said, "No pringles can." My daughter began to cry and said, "Fine. Then I am not going to school." I replied, "Okay." Not the best response, I know. Remember, this is a fumble.
I convinced my daughter to get in the car and then she said something along the lines of "Fine then!" and crossed her arms. I replied with, "You are grounded." Without skipping a beat she asked, "From what?" I replied, "From anything fun." My son looked at me and asked, "From like toys and books and stuff?" I was not prepared to answer so many questions about a punishment that I thought would simply just spark a little bit of respect from my daughter. My plan backfired. We were on our way to school with me asking my daughter why she talks back to me yet she behaves beautifully at school? I did pull into CVS to buy some pringles and as we pulled into the spot my daughter just said a quiet, "Thank you mommy."
That quiet answer melted my heart. I knew she was sorry. We bought the pringles and on the way out to the car I got down at eye level with my daughter and said, "I love you. Let's have a good morning." I set the tone for my home. I realized that it was not my daughter's fault that I had not gotten the pringles can the night before. She had told me right after school yesterday that she needed it. It was not her fault that I did not get up earlier. It was not her fault that I neglected to pray. Ouch. Fumble. If I had been responsible, I might have dealt with my daughter's whining and complaining in a better manner. Don't get me wrong, it is not okay for her to whine. Then again, it is not okay for me either.
Onwards. Fumble #3 is Blaming my lack of having it together on my kids. Ouch. This morning I woke up to my husband asking me if I was going to get up. In female that sounds a lot like "You are being lazy. Get out of bed." Not how I anticipated this day starting. Now, I confess, I asked him to help me get up earlier. Big mistake, ladies. Huge. If you are anything like me, morning is a very fragile time. I remember growing up that my family never talked to me in the morning until after I had eaten my cereal. Enough said. I got up and read my bible. After that, I looked at the clock and turned it into high-gear (i.e. crazy mom on the loose mode). I made my daughter's sandwich and then heard her yelling "Mommy!!! Mommy!!!" I muttered to my husband, "Why can't she get out of bed and come down stairs when she is awake? Why must she scream?"
She made it down stairs with her sweet daddy's help. I promptly kissed her, set her in her chair and handed her a doughnut in one swift manner. I added her vitamins to her plate to compensate for the quick, non-nutritional, powdery mess that we called breakfast this morning. Moments later my son sneaked up on me with a big smile on his face. I greeted him with a kiss and set him up with the same quality breakfast that his sister had. I supplied them with a wet washcloth to clean their hands from all of the powder. I quickly ran upstairs to hop in the shower.
By the time I made it out of the shower my husband was running out the door. He was running late and so was I. Then it hit me. Ugh. I was suppose to get my daughter an empty pringles can for a project and I did not. So high gear turned into "you-better-watch-out-here-she-comes" mode. I got dressed, threw on makeup and my kids appeared before me arguing. Not uncommon these days. I told them to quit arguing and go get on the clothes that I had pulled out for them. I continued getting ready and then checked on the progress of dressing. My daughter had on her pants and no shirt and was cuddled in bed. My son still had on his pajamas. I told them (with a more stern tone) "Please get dressed." I dried my hair and called them into the bathroom to brush teeth. I had to wait for my son because his "toes were too cold to brush his teeth." He needed socks. I told him the socks were in the hamper in my room. Did I confess that I am horrible with laundry?? He found some socks and of course has to put them on just so. I resisted the urge to grab the socks and stick them on. My daughter finished her teeth brushing. I asked her how she wanted her hair, "Pony tail, flip tail or braid?" She responded, "I want sports braids where you can't see the holder." I retorted, "We don't have time for that and I don't even know what it is." She said, "I will go get my book and show you." I responded, "We don't have time. Pony tail, flip tail or braid?" She responded, "Sports braids." UGH!!! Finally I said, "You are getting a pony tail. I don't have time for this." I sent her downstairs.
I got her brother's teeth brushed and sent him downstairs only to hear the two of them arguing over who got to sit on what step. I threw some socks down to my daughter and asked her to put them on and asked my son to put on his shoes. I brushed my teeth and headed down to put on my shoes. My daughter had on no socks and my son was back upstairs. The wheels were coming off the wagon. "I told you to put on your socks!! Where is your brother??" My son came downstairs with a huge pile of books under his arm. To my amazement he made it down the stairs without dropping them. My daughter began to cry, "I can't do this!!" My six year old had not even tried to put on her socks but insisted that she was unable. I remember muttering something about her 4 year old brother being able to do it. Then I said, "No pringles can." My daughter began to cry and said, "Fine. Then I am not going to school." I replied, "Okay." Not the best response, I know. Remember, this is a fumble.
I convinced my daughter to get in the car and then she said something along the lines of "Fine then!" and crossed her arms. I replied with, "You are grounded." Without skipping a beat she asked, "From what?" I replied, "From anything fun." My son looked at me and asked, "From like toys and books and stuff?" I was not prepared to answer so many questions about a punishment that I thought would simply just spark a little bit of respect from my daughter. My plan backfired. We were on our way to school with me asking my daughter why she talks back to me yet she behaves beautifully at school? I did pull into CVS to buy some pringles and as we pulled into the spot my daughter just said a quiet, "Thank you mommy."
That quiet answer melted my heart. I knew she was sorry. We bought the pringles and on the way out to the car I got down at eye level with my daughter and said, "I love you. Let's have a good morning." I set the tone for my home. I realized that it was not my daughter's fault that I had not gotten the pringles can the night before. She had told me right after school yesterday that she needed it. It was not her fault that I did not get up earlier. It was not her fault that I neglected to pray. Ouch. Fumble. If I had been responsible, I might have dealt with my daughter's whining and complaining in a better manner. Don't get me wrong, it is not okay for her to whine. Then again, it is not okay for me either.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Fumble #2
Hoping everyone will approve of the mothering choices I make. Simply, the only opinion I need to worry about is my heavenly daddy's. My daughter at age 6 is already concerned about what others around her think. I am overwhelmed by this. Now, she should care what mamma thinks, but it is funny, mamma can tell her what she thinks about her poor behavior and my daughter, again at age 6, has the amazing ability to completely tune me out! She needs to learn to listen to mom and I need to learn to listen more closely to God. I need to model this so well to my precious, tender daughter too. What this world thinks of us does not matter and won't matter when I am standing before the King!! I am only accountable to Him....well and my husband. But no one else!
Speaking of my husband, a bit off the subject but noteworthy nonetheless...we took a family trip today to Trader Joe's. Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I love this store. Healthy food at reasonable prices and reasonable coffee for free when you shop. How could you go wrong?? Tonight was particularly fun because they were playing some great 80s music. Again, those of you who know me, know that it is bad to be in a public place with my husband when 80s music is playing. Why? Because he turns into a complete lunatic. He lip syncs and throws his hands in the air like he is at a rock concert; an 80s rock concert! My kids absolutely love this behavior and in fact encourage it. So tonight, I turn around in a very crowded Trader Joe's to see my husband dancing, yes Dad Cook, you read it right...dancing in the aisle with my 4 year old son head banging and my daughter dancing and giggling like only she can. Then my husband yells, "Come on. Everybody now." I looked up and behold, a complete stranger had joined in the dancing. Good grief. What to do but join in. We really are a bunch of fools. But I would not have it any other way.
Speaking of my husband, a bit off the subject but noteworthy nonetheless...we took a family trip today to Trader Joe's. Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I love this store. Healthy food at reasonable prices and reasonable coffee for free when you shop. How could you go wrong?? Tonight was particularly fun because they were playing some great 80s music. Again, those of you who know me, know that it is bad to be in a public place with my husband when 80s music is playing. Why? Because he turns into a complete lunatic. He lip syncs and throws his hands in the air like he is at a rock concert; an 80s rock concert! My kids absolutely love this behavior and in fact encourage it. So tonight, I turn around in a very crowded Trader Joe's to see my husband dancing, yes Dad Cook, you read it right...dancing in the aisle with my 4 year old son head banging and my daughter dancing and giggling like only she can. Then my husband yells, "Come on. Everybody now." I looked up and behold, a complete stranger had joined in the dancing. Good grief. What to do but join in. We really are a bunch of fools. But I would not have it any other way.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Fumble #1
#1: Saying yes when I should say no. (Please don't say I told you so.) I have tried to be super mom and there ain't nothin' super about my underclothes anymore! Let me explain. I used to have Superwoman underoos when I was a kid. The underwear and camisole turned me super human. At least they made me look super human and that boosted my ego. My $18 push up bra and 5 pack of Hanes briefs just don't seem to have the same effect. Besides the obvious 25 plus years and having 2 kids, my "underoos" these days don't make me feel so super. Neither does missing God.
I pray and I ask the Lord to direct my steps. Yet sometimes I feel like following a pillar of fire would be easier than discerning a yes, no or wait from a still, small voice. I constantly question was that me or was that God? Was that from Him or was that idea from the chocolate I ate before bed last night. I get it right sometimes. I get it wrong a lot. I get frustrated trying to figure it all out a lot. I seek and ask for wisdom and sometimes its as though I get more confused. I can't really figure this out and probably never will. What I do know today is that yesterday I thought it was a yes. I said yes. Today, I feel as no would have been a better choice because the yes was really not best. Confused?? Me too.
I'm a mom, a pastor's wife and a girl who fumbles and bumbles through this life just trying to hear from God and do my best without the help of my underoos. Sometimes my best is pathetic at most. Today, I have decided that what it seems like or what it looks like to me really doesn't matter. I am on a journey towards God to figure out how to get into His Presence and "park it," as my mom would say, for good. I long to find that hemmed in place where I can encounter Jesus face to face. A relationship where there are no questions of what was said because it will be understood.
God help me. That's all I can pray here. Sometimes I say yes thinking that is right. Sometimes I say no with a regret. As I continue on in my walk, help me to hear you. Teach me what it is to do this thing together. Show me how to walk in your truth. Guide me each moment by the power of your Holy Spirit. Remove the wax from my spiritual ears and help me develop listening skills. Thank you Lord that you don't give up. You don't give me up. I fail so often and yet you remain. I am not deserving of your grace and yet you hold it out so tenderly. Thank you precious Father. Let us begin again. In your most Holy name, Amen.
I pray and I ask the Lord to direct my steps. Yet sometimes I feel like following a pillar of fire would be easier than discerning a yes, no or wait from a still, small voice. I constantly question was that me or was that God? Was that from Him or was that idea from the chocolate I ate before bed last night. I get it right sometimes. I get it wrong a lot. I get frustrated trying to figure it all out a lot. I seek and ask for wisdom and sometimes its as though I get more confused. I can't really figure this out and probably never will. What I do know today is that yesterday I thought it was a yes. I said yes. Today, I feel as no would have been a better choice because the yes was really not best. Confused?? Me too.
I'm a mom, a pastor's wife and a girl who fumbles and bumbles through this life just trying to hear from God and do my best without the help of my underoos. Sometimes my best is pathetic at most. Today, I have decided that what it seems like or what it looks like to me really doesn't matter. I am on a journey towards God to figure out how to get into His Presence and "park it," as my mom would say, for good. I long to find that hemmed in place where I can encounter Jesus face to face. A relationship where there are no questions of what was said because it will be understood.
God help me. That's all I can pray here. Sometimes I say yes thinking that is right. Sometimes I say no with a regret. As I continue on in my walk, help me to hear you. Teach me what it is to do this thing together. Show me how to walk in your truth. Guide me each moment by the power of your Holy Spirit. Remove the wax from my spiritual ears and help me develop listening skills. Thank you Lord that you don't give up. You don't give me up. I fail so often and yet you remain. I am not deserving of your grace and yet you hold it out so tenderly. Thank you precious Father. Let us begin again. In your most Holy name, Amen.
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