New Glasses

Wow, what a beginning to the week. My sister came in town with her family on Sunday. I spent the Sabbath day cleaning, forgive me Lord, and preparing for her arrival. My children were very excited to see their cousins. I had prayed that everything would go smoothly and that we would all enjoy our time together as it was going to be awhile before we were all together again.

What happened? I wondered again about my prayer for health and the events that followed. Just hours before the much anticipated arrival my son's eyes looked a little weepy. Any mother can spot a fevery child from a mile away. I felt his head and then proceeded to take his temperature. A good old 102. Wow. Okay, what to do now?? I gave Tylenol and put my son down for his nap. He woke up with a lower fever and a lot of grumpiness.

My sister and her family arrived and my son's fever began to spike again. I don't know any mom who wants her kids around sick kids...especially when you are moving cross country with no doctor available as in the case of my sister. I did my best to keep my son to himself, much to my disappointment as my son had looked so forward to playing with his cousins.

We made it through Sunday, sort of. I woke up in the middle of the night with a very irritated eye. My eye was so blood shot that I was sure that it was pink eye. Great, another very contagious virus to try to contain. I wondered "Why now Lord??" Thoughts of my trip to Washington flooded my mind as I thought of how miserable it is to be sick when trying to absorb time with loved ones. I put drops in my eyes and we tried to head out to do something fun. My son was so miserable and pale that it was not much fun dragging him around. I was also forced to wear my glasses that were 7 or 8 years old. My prescription has changed several times since then as have the fashion trends. Needless to say, I felt awkward with my glasses and frustrated from the whole ordeal.

When we got home, I ended up using my brother-in-law's flashlight to look at my son's throat. The whole thing was covered with blisters. I decided that I should take my son to the doctor. So off I went in my glasses to the doctor. My son had a coxsackie virus...translation: a virus you never want your kids to get because it is miserable and highly contagious. I headed home and stopped off to get Popsicles to ease my son's pain. Meanwhile, my eyes ached ferociously and teared at the sun. Again, "Lord, why now?"

My sister and her family left the next morning. I ended up in the doctor's office myself. The doctor said I had come in the nick of time...the infection I had was in both eyes and just about ready to invade my cornea in one eye (i.e. not good!). I got a prescription and headed home to recuperate.

That is what I am tired of. Recuperating after a time that is suppose to be energizing. I don't understand why it seems that I can pray for one thing and the OPPOSITE seems to happen. Much needed rest and relaxation has instead been more stress, frustration and draining at best. Where does one go from here?

I went to Lenscrafters and got new glasses yesterday. I have to wear glasses until the middle of next week. I have a wedding to go to this weekend, with my new glasses and a new norm. They hurt my nose and are cumbersome but the alternative is impossible. Working out is out of the question as it is no fun to sweat with glasses on. My husband suggested a sports strap for glasses, thanks, but no thanks honey.

The Lord recently showed me that He is transplanting me from the soil that I have been rooted in, into the fertile soil of His love. This process seems like it would be all roses, right?? This transplant is a lot like my new glasses. They help me to see better than the ones I was trying to wear. They look measurable better. But the problem is that it is uncomfortable and different. Then end result is worth it: rested eyes and clear vision, but the process feels unnatural since I was so used to my contacts or old glasses. God's love is the best place to be rooted, but if you have been growing somewhere else for a long period of time, it takes diligence and flat out surrender to "remain in His love." God says in Psalm 52 that when we are rooted in His love we will be like "An Olive Tree, thriving in the house of the Lord." The Olive Tree is a long living tree and a tree that doesn't just get by, but THRIVES. My old glasses may have gotten me by, but my new glasses will get me through to the other side.

There is so much I don't understand about our God. I have so many "why" questions. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to know everything in advance, to have time to mentally prepare. God constantly reminds me that His ways are higher than mine. My plans are from a temporal perspective. It is overwhelming for me to sometimes get to a point where I am okay with that. I want the steady Love of God to help me with my small perspective on the circumstances of life. Someday, I belive by faith that I will be able to look back from a different place and have peace about all my yesterdays. For now, I am just a newly planted flower, needing water and lots of sun.

Second Day of Summer

The first day of summer was started early. Breakfast together was enjoyable. The plans for the day were made early. Even with a little burp in the weather, the day was great. We went to a free zoo with some great friends and just had a ball. What would follow fun like that better than a bagel from Panera??

Today, not quite as exciting. We all ate breakfast in shifts as Dad left early and my oldest slept the latest she ever has...8:05!! Wow!! Well, she woke happy. She looked happy. That was all a great disguise. Asking my daughter to clear her breakfast dishes turned into a three ring circus. For some reason it seemed as though I asked her to scale the Empire State Building with no rope. Good grief. With much coxing and a miraculous amount of patience on my part (THANK YOU, LORD!!!!) we made it through that challenge.

By the time we ate and cleaned up we were looking for some activity to ward off the "I'm bored" syndrome. We decided on stencils. This lasted about 20 minutes. I checked the website of local bookstore that said that they had story time at 10:30 on Tuesdays. Perfect. We had 10 minutes. I put my hair in a pony tail and changed into some presentable clothes. I blushed my cheeks, lined my eyes and brushed my teeth. I threw some clothes to my daughter who once again acted as though I had asked her to do the impossible. Good grief. After more tears and me combing my daughter's hair in front of me while we walked to the car, we were off. We raced to the back of the store right on time. On time for what? I asked a nearby employee if Story Time would be late today? He replied, "Story time is on Wednesdays." I restrained my desire to tell them to update their website because I know others are often frustrated with me for not updating mine!!! :)

Back home for lunch is what we decided. After a few fights at the table I had to get out my Attitude Adjuster 3000. (My new Dustbuster). I gave both my kids a good cleaning and we all laughed. Then each of them came up with a machine of their own. My daughter had a Hug-O-Matic that gave a hug every time someone talked. As I type this I am so thankful for a God who revealed His glory through this tired and weary stay-at-home mom. He gave me supernatural patience and creativity and joy in the midst of frustrating circumstances. I love what I read this morning in Isaiah 40:29, "He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless," and I am living proof.

I want to see God. Today I have. I watched for Him and I have witnessed His love in my life today. Have I doubted it. Yes, sometimes. Have I rejected it? Yes, sometimes. I love what Isaiah 30:27 says too, "...how can you say that the LORD does not see your troubles?...Have you never heard?" Have we never heard? I think my translation of this statement would be, "DUH!" My bible is filled with a God who sees. He sees us even when we don't see Him. God showed me that he saw my troubles today when he gave me patience and joy in what could have been the worst day of summer but instead it has become a stepping stone towards tomorrow to see what God will do next!

What do you see?

I love the children's book "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?" by Eric Carle. It is a great book about perspective. I enjoyed a conversation about perspective that my kids had today. We were driving to a park and they were talking about the shapes that they saw in the clouds. "I see a rabbit," one would say. "I see a bear," the other would say. Then my son said, "I see God. See His head right there...and there is his body!!" He continued, "Look mom, over there!" I could not quite see what he saw as God or His body. I just thought it was so awesome that my son was looking up to the sky expecting to see all sorts of wonderful things in the clouds and in the process he experienced what he thought was God.

Shortly after that moment, I began to pray to myself. I have been struggling with the same issue for quite some time now. I quietly whispered, "God, what am I missing. What can't I see in this?" The answer came as quickly and quietly as my whisper, "Me," I heard. "You're missing me." It wasn't that I was not seeing God. My problem was occurring and reoccurring and worsening because the God that I was seeing was more like a shape in the clouds. I felt like in that moment God was asking me to experience the fullness of Him in all that He is. Of course, as God would have it, the song that came on was about coming face to face with God. That has been my prayer as long as I can remember. "I want to see your face God. I want to know you so intimately." I feel like God has been telling me that the God that I've been seeing isn't him at all. I have been defining Him through earthly limitations and a jaded earthly perspective that has been made so distorted by my fleshly hurt.

Lord, my prayer today is that I would begin to see the real you through the clouds of what I have made you to be. Your word says that You are all I need. You are our strength. Help me to encounter the true God in all of Your glory and all of Your splendor. Help me to open my heart and allow the True God to shed His love in my heart. Change my perspective with one touch of your mighty and gently hand. I do love you, Lord. Help me though to love as you love, without inhibition.

Field Day

Today was field day for my daughter's school. Kindergartners through 5th graders were throwing frisbees, jumping rope and playing leap frog. We had a blast. I had a few moments to speak to my daughter's teacher out on the field. My daughter won an award in her class called the Timothy award. The teacher reiterated what an amazing award it was. The students all vote for 1 student in their class who most exemplifies Christ. WOW! Somebody asked me how a girl could win an award like that with parents like us?!! My thoughts exactly! I cried as I drove home today. I feel like I fall short in so many ways as a parent. How could I actually take any responsibility for my daughter acting like Christ when she doesn't always see her mommy acting like Christ?!! The answer?? GOD'S AMAZING GRACE!!!!

The other thing I realized while talking to my daughter's teacher is that we need to pray about every thought that comes to our minds. I have had a thought come into my mind over and over again and I did not know whether or not it was God. I mentioned the thought to my daughter's teacher. Her response was actually the opposite of what I was expecting her to say.

For so many years of my life I have done things as I thought others would approve of. I have found myself faced with some new decisions that I am praying through and my response to these issues is probably going to go against what some in my life would approve of. How difficult it seems some times to swim upstream. I got the pleasure of watching Salmon swim upstream in Bellingham, Washington where we used to live. It was an amazing thing to watch and a beautiful thing all at the same time. Those salmon never gave up jumping upstream. In fact some actually travel up to 1,000 miles upstream to spawn!! Their whole life cycle would be interrupted if they decided just to swim around in a cozy spot for their whole lives!! It is no different with us, other than the obvious swimming upstream to spawn :)! We can choose to swim around in a comfy spot or we can head out into the deep upstream in order to see God do amazing things through us.

I think we all come to spots along the road where we can decide to mature or remain the same. My prayer is that I will keep my focus on Elohim, the amazing creative God, who created me in His image!! and prepared things in advance for me to walk in. I want to walk the path He has intended, not the road most travelled. Robert Frost in his famous poem said that he "took the [road] less travelled by/ And that has made all the difference." Some people think the road less travelled is a bad thing. Not so. It is the brave thing.