Grace

My niece's name is Grace. She is absolutely that. Wonderful, unexpected, amazing and sweet about sums her up. Her smile, her laugh, her cute little voice and especially her song, "We will, we will ROCK YOU!!" just make you want to melt.

It is truly amazing how similar she is to what Grace really is. Grace can be described simply as God's undeserved favor or love for mankind. The key word is undeserved. God gives us grace not because we deserve it or who we are or strive to be. God gives us grace because of who HE is.

This time of year I am overwhelmed with the number of impatient, rude, get-out-of-my-way people in our world. Christmas has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Somehow the stresses of the earthly holiday overshadow the real reason we celebrate. Nothing new said here I know.

I was just thinking about things that have been said to me, about me and things done to me lately. The only thing I can do to is ask God to help me extend grace. You see, it is never our job to condemn. The bible says that, 'There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." We have been freed and we are to look upon others in light of our freedom. Our pastor recently challenged us to be grace extended this holiday season. When we are wronged and we respond with grace we are allowing God's love to flow through us and not become stopped up in us. I think if we lived life focused upon what is right with God and less upon what is wrong with other people, we would all be happier.

I am thankful that God's word says that we have a "High Priest who sympathizes with our weaknesses." That means that God knows we aren't going to be perfect. He understands our flesh. My prayer is that I would remember to "sympathize" with others in what I perceive as their weaknesses. (Something keeps reminding me of a story of a plank and a splinter!!) We all fall short. We are all desperately in need of grace. I find that I live by grace every moment. The longer I live the more I find that I am going to flub up, make a mistake, hurt someone etc. every day of my life. I need a flood of grace. I pray Lord, that this flood of your grace that I swim in on a daily basis would overflow to those around me. Help me not to point fingers but to offer grace and point people to Christ.

Risk

I am not a gambling woman. Not a surprise to any of you I am sure. I am a terrible risk taker. I could never bet it on a chance. I am a have-to-have-all-the-details-before-I-decide kind of woman. I ask questions or surmise things in situations that my husband just laughs and says, "Are you kidding me that that actually crossed your mind?!" All of this being said, I am not saying that taking a risk is a bad thing. Gambling is bad. Real life risks can be good.

I took a risk this week. I'd love to tell you that I went base jumping or something exciting like that. In a way though, I had the same butterflies in my stomach. I was able to be completely vulnerable and eat crow with a good friend of mine. Eating crow is a hard thing to do and it never tastes good. I do know that it feels good to be humble. It feels good to say, "I blew it." No excuses. Just, "Please forgive me."

It is amazing how time changes our perspective. God has been challenging me in ways that I never really acknowledged that I needed to be challenged in. For instance, selfishness, insecurity and a critical spirit. Yep. A pastor's wife that isn't perfect. That describes me to a T. I need work. When we acknowledge our weakness, we don't have to pity our selves or feel bad about how far we have to go. We get to rejoice in the strength of Almighty God to change us. He does the work, we do the believing.

My risk didn't necessarily result in a miracle. It did begin a change though. I know that I have done what God let me to do. The results are up to Him. I think with each risk or step of faith we take with God it gets easier. Not easy but easier. I had a second opportunity to take a risk this week. I had the same butterflies. I had to humble myself again. It didn't feel good at the time but I feel closer to God as a result. Not because He moved closer but because I know that I can't go through this life with my weaknesses without a Warrior God to come in and rescue me...mostly from myself.

Dear Friend of mine, if you read this blog, please know how much I appreciate your willing heart to listen and forgive. You made eating crow a graceful thing. May God bless you for your heart of compassion and understanding.

By the way, Body by God has become a little bit more like Body by Chocolate to me lately. I made Cranberry Almond Bark yesterday. Not a good thing to do when you are tyring to avoid sugar. But, today is a new day with new grace and another chance to eat less sugar...or not.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes. I will not be shy to say that TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. How's it going you wonder? Well, it is just like any other day. The kids were fighting, we were late getting out of the door and I still can't figure out why "cover up" doesn't "cover up" zits. Why make a product that sticks everywhere but where you need it to? It doesn't make sense. My face has broken out even worse than before...why is this happening? Is it my age??

I took all of my Origins products back and went back to the old faithful, Neutrogena. Time will tell...it is just frustrating at 32 to worry about! Good grief.

I have cried several times today. In the shower, at the coffee shop and even a little now. I don't know what it is. I have so much to be thankful for. I am blessed to have another day to live my life and enjoy my family. Can't quite put my finger on it.

A friend of mine gave me a chocolate bar for my birthday...WHAT A FRIEND! Friends give friends chocolate!! I have managed not to eat the whole bar in one day! Quite a feat, I know. By the way, the Body by God is going a little haywire. Thanksgiving threw me off...or maybe I just went bonkers from completely cutting out sugar....???? Who knows. I am having a hard time keeping the sugar out of my diet. A friend of mine said today, "You can be addicted to sugar just like anything else, you know." Thanks for pointing that out, dear friend! Now I have guilt. :)

I have been thinking a lot about words lately. Perhaps why I have not posted in awhile. Words have power. I have realized the influence that words have and I think that it has scared me for the first time. I know that I am going to be held accountable for my words and I want to make sure that the ones I choose are glorifying God. I don't have everything figured out. I would not consider myself a pillar in the faith. But, as Joyce Meyer says, "I may not be where I should be but praise God that I am not where I used to be. I'm okay and I'm on my way." Amen sister. One grace-filled moment at a time He works eternity into me. Help me not to let you down Dear Lord. I long for only You. You are more than enough. Thank you for the life you have blessed me with and the days I have been able to live so far. Help me, to as Steven Curtis Champan says, "live for every moment and live every moment for the Lord."

How's it Going??

Alas. A new post. It has been about a month since I last posted. I don't have any real amazing insights for you. I will just give you an update in a rambling essay sort of form:

Both my kids are sick. If your kids aren't school age you will soon understand or if you are over that stage then you can surely relate - when do you keep them home and when do you send them? I sent one to school yesterday and she cried. She was sent home 3 hours later. I didn't send one and he cried about "missing his buddies." No win here. Also, I long for clarity on when to go to the doctor. I have wasted my share of money on co-pays for a "just an upper respiratory infection" diagnosis (that means "a cold" in Dr. language). Ugh. Seems like I am not the only mom on this roller coaster of wondering.

I am terribly behind on my school work. Mostly from lack of time or energy. Please pray that God will make a way!

My favorite magazine right now is Real Simple. I love it. I love their cleaning tools too. Speaking of cleaning, I am obsessed with my cleaning supplies right now. I love Shaklee's Get Clean line. If you love cleaning supplies that are actually good for you, okay for your kids to touch and good for the earth, you can get the whole kit for $120 bucks right now. You get everything from window cleaner, microfiber towels (MY FAVORITE!!), laundry detergent to dish soap and some. The stuff is concentrated so you add water. It lasts forever!! I just love it. It was on Oprah not too long ago. The germ killer kills more germs than Clorox and won't harm you like Clorox can. Enough of my sales pitch. I just can't help it. It is great stuff! I am an oddity in that I would even love cleaning supplies for my birthday!

I still love Starbucks. Nothing has changed here. :)

I will be 32 in a couple weeks. Wow. Hard to believe.

In light of better products for you, I invested in the Origins Skin Care line. My skin has gone through quite a metamorphosis. Maybe it is my age. My skin has broken out like I am 16 again. I keep holding out that the Origins isn't the cause. I was told to give it 4-6 weeks. I am close to 4. Improving but still not great. The products seem pretty great. They actually have a whole Organic line. Interesting. However, with all of the recalls with lead and chemicals, not such a bad investment if you asked me! It's just too bad most stuff wasn't just organic already. Instead we have to take stuff out and increase the price! Oh brother.

I was just talking to a friend about nutrition the other day too. I am on a new health kick. I was reading the book, Body by God and it inspired me a little. Lots of information about our food. You could go crazy trying to avoid nitrates, preservatives, antibiotics and other additives. My advice...do your best. Eat healthy within reason and then pray!! Okay. Here is my soapbox. How could I not preach just a little?? If God raised His son from the dead and then tells us that the same Resurrection power is available to us, why do we think it silly to ask God to transform our food before we eat it? I was debating over getting the flu shot for my kids. Then, I told someone that I was just going to pray over my children, anoint them with oil and trust God. She thought I was a nut. Maybe I am. But I am a nut who wants to please God with my faith! Anyway. I won't go any farther.

No baby news here. I have friends having babies and have found myself struggling a little now with my loss. I thought I was fine but I think it hits me every now and again. Another question that I wrestle with is to try again or believe that God only has 2 wonderful children for me?? Maybe I can't handle or afford 3?? Maybe my body can't handle 3? Again, no clarity here. Another roller coaster.

It's getting colder here. I miss Colorado this time of year. They were 70 degrees yesterday. Only 40 today though. :) That's Colorado!! I wanted to take my kids to the mountains. I read an article about Colorado Mountains the other day and it made me homesick. Although, Colorado is only home to my in laws now as my parents have moved. Colorado will always be my favorite state I think. We get to go for Christmas, so that is exciting.

That reminds me. I am making my own Christmas cards this year. Prayerfully they will get done before then!!

Oh, I almost forgot. I joined Facebook. I don't really understand it, but it seems to be the growing trend.

My laundry, cold coffee and sick children await. I pray this finds you well.

Ta ta for now.

Unexpected Spa

My children are microderm abrasion for my soul. They seem to often times bring out in me things I didn't know were hidden deep inside. A friend told me yesterday, "Just wait until they become teenagers!" I think I will just wait! There's enough bad coming out now, perhaps by the time they are teenagers my soul's "skin" will be as porcelain.

However, spa treatments, over time, purify and make the skin radiant. So, I can only conclude that God gives us children as a blessing...and with a specific purpose.

Fumble #4

Trying to cut my daughter's bangs. I convinced my husband that I was capable. I own barber scissors and a special comb for gathering hair to clip. I remember my mom cut my bangs when I was a kid and I don't remember it being any big deal. She used to gather them, twist them tight and then snip the bottom across. I did the same thing to my daughter's bangs while she complained about having to sit still. My husband stood behind with the trash basket in place. Again, another thing for my daughter to complain about, "What's that smell? Oh gross, what is that?" These questions came again and again. My husband raised his eyebrows and asked me more than once if I knew what I was doing. Okay. In female that means, "I don't trust you. You can't do this." This makes it even more challenging for me because I love to prove people wrong! My mom always said that I would make a great lawyer. Anyway. I snipped the bangs and I could only ever get about 3/4 of the way through the clip before the scissors closed all the way. Ugh. That last 1/4 was impossible to get even with the first bit. I cut. I cut a little more. I combed her bangs down again and again.

"There," I cried, "I did it." My husband concurred. It looks good. I sent my daughter off to bed pretty proud of myself. I can't sew so it made me proud that I could at least clip a bit of hair. This morning my daughter woke up and I braided her hair. (I did not give her a choice today...in case you read yesterday's saga). She looked adorable. She ran around the kitchen pretending to be a horse (not uncommon) and then I looked at her bangs. "Holy cow" was all I could say. There were long, short, long, short, long, short pieces. Her bangs looked crazy. As I got her into the car with her dad I told her to whisk them of to the side if the long pieces got in her eyes (this helped camouflage the fact that her mom CANNOT cut hair). Of course she was still busy neighing like a horse a did not hear a word I said.

After school I brought her home. I looked at her bangs again and combed them down. She would get frustrated and whisk them back into a mess with her hand. I would comb them down again and she would repeat. Finally, I enlisted daddy's help and he simply said, "Please take her to Great Clips." Enough said.

Fumble #3

Who know where these fumbles are going...but it is fun to spread the news of my imperfections, especially since my blog is called Sara Jane Says and really what I know is very little. (I am an extremely good pretender though!)

Onwards. Fumble #3 is Blaming my lack of having it together on my kids. Ouch. This morning I woke up to my husband asking me if I was going to get up. In female that sounds a lot like "You are being lazy. Get out of bed." Not how I anticipated this day starting. Now, I confess, I asked him to help me get up earlier. Big mistake, ladies. Huge. If you are anything like me, morning is a very fragile time. I remember growing up that my family never talked to me in the morning until after I had eaten my cereal. Enough said. I got up and read my bible. After that, I looked at the clock and turned it into high-gear (i.e. crazy mom on the loose mode). I made my daughter's sandwich and then heard her yelling "Mommy!!! Mommy!!!" I muttered to my husband, "Why can't she get out of bed and come down stairs when she is awake? Why must she scream?"

She made it down stairs with her sweet daddy's help. I promptly kissed her, set her in her chair and handed her a doughnut in one swift manner. I added her vitamins to her plate to compensate for the quick, non-nutritional, powdery mess that we called breakfast this morning. Moments later my son sneaked up on me with a big smile on his face. I greeted him with a kiss and set him up with the same quality breakfast that his sister had. I supplied them with a wet washcloth to clean their hands from all of the powder. I quickly ran upstairs to hop in the shower.

By the time I made it out of the shower my husband was running out the door. He was running late and so was I. Then it hit me. Ugh. I was suppose to get my daughter an empty pringles can for a project and I did not. So high gear turned into "you-better-watch-out-here-she-comes" mode. I got dressed, threw on makeup and my kids appeared before me arguing. Not uncommon these days. I told them to quit arguing and go get on the clothes that I had pulled out for them. I continued getting ready and then checked on the progress of dressing. My daughter had on her pants and no shirt and was cuddled in bed. My son still had on his pajamas. I told them (with a more stern tone) "Please get dressed." I dried my hair and called them into the bathroom to brush teeth. I had to wait for my son because his "toes were too cold to brush his teeth." He needed socks. I told him the socks were in the hamper in my room. Did I confess that I am horrible with laundry?? He found some socks and of course has to put them on just so. I resisted the urge to grab the socks and stick them on. My daughter finished her teeth brushing. I asked her how she wanted her hair, "Pony tail, flip tail or braid?" She responded, "I want sports braids where you can't see the holder." I retorted, "We don't have time for that and I don't even know what it is." She said, "I will go get my book and show you." I responded, "We don't have time. Pony tail, flip tail or braid?" She responded, "Sports braids." UGH!!! Finally I said, "You are getting a pony tail. I don't have time for this." I sent her downstairs.

I got her brother's teeth brushed and sent him downstairs only to hear the two of them arguing over who got to sit on what step. I threw some socks down to my daughter and asked her to put them on and asked my son to put on his shoes. I brushed my teeth and headed down to put on my shoes. My daughter had on no socks and my son was back upstairs. The wheels were coming off the wagon. "I told you to put on your socks!! Where is your brother??" My son came downstairs with a huge pile of books under his arm. To my amazement he made it down the stairs without dropping them. My daughter began to cry, "I can't do this!!" My six year old had not even tried to put on her socks but insisted that she was unable. I remember muttering something about her 4 year old brother being able to do it. Then I said, "No pringles can." My daughter began to cry and said, "Fine. Then I am not going to school." I replied, "Okay." Not the best response, I know. Remember, this is a fumble.

I convinced my daughter to get in the car and then she said something along the lines of "Fine then!" and crossed her arms. I replied with, "You are grounded." Without skipping a beat she asked, "From what?" I replied, "From anything fun." My son looked at me and asked, "From like toys and books and stuff?" I was not prepared to answer so many questions about a punishment that I thought would simply just spark a little bit of respect from my daughter. My plan backfired. We were on our way to school with me asking my daughter why she talks back to me yet she behaves beautifully at school? I did pull into CVS to buy some pringles and as we pulled into the spot my daughter just said a quiet, "Thank you mommy."

That quiet answer melted my heart. I knew she was sorry. We bought the pringles and on the way out to the car I got down at eye level with my daughter and said, "I love you. Let's have a good morning." I set the tone for my home. I realized that it was not my daughter's fault that I had not gotten the pringles can the night before. She had told me right after school yesterday that she needed it. It was not her fault that I did not get up earlier. It was not her fault that I neglected to pray. Ouch. Fumble. If I had been responsible, I might have dealt with my daughter's whining and complaining in a better manner. Don't get me wrong, it is not okay for her to whine. Then again, it is not okay for me either.

Fumble #2

Hoping everyone will approve of the mothering choices I make. Simply, the only opinion I need to worry about is my heavenly daddy's. My daughter at age 6 is already concerned about what others around her think. I am overwhelmed by this. Now, she should care what mamma thinks, but it is funny, mamma can tell her what she thinks about her poor behavior and my daughter, again at age 6, has the amazing ability to completely tune me out! She needs to learn to listen to mom and I need to learn to listen more closely to God. I need to model this so well to my precious, tender daughter too. What this world thinks of us does not matter and won't matter when I am standing before the King!! I am only accountable to Him....well and my husband. But no one else!

Speaking of my husband, a bit off the subject but noteworthy nonetheless...we took a family trip today to Trader Joe's. Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I love this store. Healthy food at reasonable prices and reasonable coffee for free when you shop. How could you go wrong?? Tonight was particularly fun because they were playing some great 80s music. Again, those of you who know me, know that it is bad to be in a public place with my husband when 80s music is playing. Why? Because he turns into a complete lunatic. He lip syncs and throws his hands in the air like he is at a rock concert; an 80s rock concert! My kids absolutely love this behavior and in fact encourage it. So tonight, I turn around in a very crowded Trader Joe's to see my husband dancing, yes Dad Cook, you read it right...dancing in the aisle with my 4 year old son head banging and my daughter dancing and giggling like only she can. Then my husband yells, "Come on. Everybody now." I looked up and behold, a complete stranger had joined in the dancing. Good grief. What to do but join in. We really are a bunch of fools. But I would not have it any other way.

Fumble #1

#1: Saying yes when I should say no. (Please don't say I told you so.) I have tried to be super mom and there ain't nothin' super about my underclothes anymore! Let me explain. I used to have Superwoman underoos when I was a kid. The underwear and camisole turned me super human. At least they made me look super human and that boosted my ego. My $18 push up bra and 5 pack of Hanes briefs just don't seem to have the same effect. Besides the obvious 25 plus years and having 2 kids, my "underoos" these days don't make me feel so super. Neither does missing God.

I pray and I ask the Lord to direct my steps. Yet sometimes I feel like following a pillar of fire would be easier than discerning a yes, no or wait from a still, small voice. I constantly question was that me or was that God? Was that from Him or was that idea from the chocolate I ate before bed last night. I get it right sometimes. I get it wrong a lot. I get frustrated trying to figure it all out a lot. I seek and ask for wisdom and sometimes its as though I get more confused. I can't really figure this out and probably never will. What I do know today is that yesterday I thought it was a yes. I said yes. Today, I feel as no would have been a better choice because the yes was really not best. Confused?? Me too.

I'm a mom, a pastor's wife and a girl who fumbles and bumbles through this life just trying to hear from God and do my best without the help of my underoos. Sometimes my best is pathetic at most. Today, I have decided that what it seems like or what it looks like to me really doesn't matter. I am on a journey towards God to figure out how to get into His Presence and "park it," as my mom would say, for good. I long to find that hemmed in place where I can encounter Jesus face to face. A relationship where there are no questions of what was said because it will be understood.

God help me. That's all I can pray here. Sometimes I say yes thinking that is right. Sometimes I say no with a regret. As I continue on in my walk, help me to hear you. Teach me what it is to do this thing together. Show me how to walk in your truth. Guide me each moment by the power of your Holy Spirit. Remove the wax from my spiritual ears and help me develop listening skills. Thank you Lord that you don't give up. You don't give me up. I fail so often and yet you remain. I am not deserving of your grace and yet you hold it out so tenderly. Thank you precious Father. Let us begin again. In your most Holy name, Amen.

Somebody needs it

I just want to send out a blanket encouragement...I know that someone needs it. Simply: DON'T GIVE UP. You are going to make it. Keep your shoulders squared up with the Holy God who dances over you with joy. He will never fail you. He knows what He is doing. All He asks is that you cooperate. Don't try to get out of the tight grip that He has on you. What He is doing in you is worth the wait. Be still, calm, quieted to the depths of who you are and know that HE is God! The mountains seem high at the base but when you see the geography from above it is no match for the creator of the world. Step by step in His presence you will make it. Celebrate for you have already been given the victory. Live like it. Enjoy the process. You are a darling of the Most Glorious King!

Armed

How precious it was to me yesterday to witness the depths of my daughter's heart. I got some terrible news that my brother-in-law, her uncle, got a call to go to Iraq. This was unexpected as my sister and her family had not anticipated over seas duty for another six months and this duty was not suppose to take him to the dangerous parts of Iraq. So, I shared this with my daughter as we sat together at Panera Bread. By the way, I love to spend one on one time with both of my kids. If you don't do this...do. My daughter, without skipping a beat said, "Let's pray." She folded her hands, bowed her head and began a prayer, "Lord Jesus, please protect my Uncle from injury. Please do not let him die. I pray that he would put on the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the gospel shoes of peace, that he would take up the sword of the spirit and the shield of faith. In Jesus name, amen." She looked up at me with her beautiful brown eyes and smiled at me and said, "That's the armor of God, isn't it??" She asked as though she had prayed the wrong prayer. Tears streamed down my cheek as I said, "Your prayer was perfect, honey." And really, it was. It doesn't matter how my brother-in-law arms himself for the physical battle, his commander in chief doesn't live in a home made with human hands. His Champion arms him with all the weapons he needs to make it in this life. Glory hallelujah.

Deep Breath

I am holding on to the scripture that says "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou are with me!" (From Psalm 23). I'm not really near death although sometimes I think that a newborn's cry could put you quite close.

I am watching a 5 1/2 month old little boy who is a precious gem. He is a chubby, strong-willed boy that is quite, how to put this, blessed with a lot of doting and attention. The trouble is...I can dote but I also have a 4 and 6 year old who need my attention. I can't get this little guy to take consistent naps for the life of me. I discovered today the true meaning of the word hysterical. If I could have video-taped the cry he produced (it really was a PRODUCTION!!) when I put him in his bed for a nap I probably could have made good money selling it to Webster's online dictionary under the "hysterical" entry. Good night! You would have thought that the sky was falling. So what to do? He doesn't want to be rocked in my arms or set down to settle. He is tired and needs a nap but wants nothing to do with sleeping. He is even disliking his car seat on rides. Usually that would soothe...not so for him. My son said to me, "Mommy, I don't yike his crying." Amen brother. I don't either.

I can get advice but really this situation calls for my superhero. If my God can raise Jesus from the dead and says that kind of power is available to me - open up the floodgates. Precious Lord, you knew these circumstances before they came. You walk with me through the valley. You hold every answer, every ounce of patience I need and you have shown me compassion so that I might be compassionate. Thank you for all you have done and ALL YOU ARE YET TO DO. I look forward to the blog that will document an answer to this prayer! Amen and Amen!!

Screaming Banchees and 2 Crockpots

Today was a holiday. A day off work for my husband and a day off of school for my kids. Because of the holiday, I promised my daughter that I would sleep over in her room last night. We slept on an air mattress together. She fell right to sleep. I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. My son of course had to join us. He kept trying to roll over me. He thinks its funny to make a "num, num, num" sound when he is fake sleeping. For some reason my nerves couldn't handle all the num, num, nums. He got moved to his own bed. I love it that he doesn't wake up when I move him.

Ahh. More room for me. I finally drifted off to sleep until I heard a scream. I bolted out of the air-mattress, which if you have ever tried to do is like trying to balance on a row boat. I stumbled a bit but found my bearings. I figured out where my daughter's table was with my big tow. Still in a stupor and with a throbbing appendage I raced to my son's room. He was fast asleep. I raced to my bedroom, stopping abruptly to tip toe around something in the hall, it was a shadow, only to find my husband snoring. Must have been a screaming banchee. I quietly walked back to my daughter's room trying to convince myself that it was still great fun to have a sleep over with her. I rolled back into bed which is really more like a raft I think. Why do they put ridges in something that is suppose to be a portable bed. What a dumb idea. As if ridges are going to make you forget that you are sleeping on the floor on something that moves when you do and makes a horrible grunt when you roll. And why is it that my hip or shoulder always feel like I was mashing them against a brick wall all night when I wake up?? Maybe it would be more comfortable if I were floating on it in a pool! Anyway, I "snuggled in" only to find that the pills on the sheet bothered me. I began to feel really bad as this was the bed and the sheet set that I give to my in laws when they come. Sorry guys, it wasn't meant to be this uncomfortable! I did manage to forget about the scratchy sheets and my daughter's snores. Finally, I slept.

Until I was blasted awake with a blow to the face! I sat straight up only to find that it was my daughter's foot that had kicked me right in the lip. What in the world? How is it that she moves so much in her sleep. I didn't have to think too long to remember her daddy, my breaching whale. He has mastered the art of raising up and turning over in one thunderous movement. I on the other hand have finally mastered the art of not waking while this is taking place. I immediately felt my lip get fat and began to swallow my saliva quickly to determine whether or not there was blood. While I was doing this, I caught her foot headed my way again and gently placed it aside. I tried to move her back to the normal head-on-the-pillow sleeping position only to have her move and settle in an unnatural ready-to-kick-mom position once again.

I rolled over and placed my back to my daughter in order to insure my safety. I had a very hard time going back to sleep between my toe pain and fat lip. By the time I settled, my daughter woke up ready to start her day. Shortly after, my son came in and had a very puzzled look on his face. He began to scream and cry about wanting to sleep on the air mattress with us and demanded to know who moved him. I tried to reason with him, telling him he was actually blessed with a safe place to sleep in his own bed. The only way I could get him to stop crying was to convince him to go wake up his daddy.

I slowly made my way to the espresso machine hoping to boost my alertness. We decided to go shopping on this holiday. We found a coupon for a great cooking store. I had just been given a new slow cooker cook book. I headed out to find a bigger crock pot. After lots of whines about why we had to go into this store, coupled with my daughter telling me she was close to death because of her thirst, we made it to the crock pots. The one I wanted was $50 but I settled on one for $30 that was at least larger than the one I had. After making it back home I pulled out my old crock pot and guess what? The new one was exactly the same size. Time for more espresso. Now that I think about it, stay-at-home moms probably keep Starbucks in business! Good grief.

My toe still hurts. I am tired from the unsettled night of screaming banshees and kickboxing daughters. I'm frustrated that now I have 2 crock pots that are too small for all my new recipes. But I'm thankful for the holiday and that I can spend it unwinding from my long night.

What's Your Spin

As a mom I feel like I have been, correction, I have learned to put a positive spin on most anything. My daughter was convinced this morning that her hair-do made her look like a boy or made her look bald. Huh?? She left with my husband crying, (she was crying...not my husband :) ) convinced that kids would laugh at her. Now for your information I just braided her hair this morning. Then I tied the braids together with a cute flower barrette. I even took a mirror to show her the pretty barrette. Yet she still left crying. "Kids are going to laugh at me. I'm nervous." I told her she looked absolutely beautiful and promised her that her teacher would think the same.

As I prayed this morning, I felt the Lord impressing on me something. We can really "spin" our circumstances in any light to people. Here is what I mean: If my daughter goes into her class today saying to her friends, "I look bald," I can almost bet that her friends would agree or say, "Yeah, I see what you mean." But if my daughter instead went into her class with confidence and said, "Don't you love what I've done with my hair today. It is unique," she might have gotten a "Wow. I like your hair," comment instead.

I spoke to a couple people yesterday about a situation and spun it very negatively each time I spoke about it. Should I be surprised that I was many times affirmed in my negativity, "Oh yes. That does sound bad." I wonder what would have happened if I approached this sharing in a "God is so good. He is helping me with this. I am doing well by His grace." I doubt that any friend would retort, "It is not as good as you think, friend. You should be upset because what you are going through is hard."

My heartfelt prayer and earnest desire today is that God would give me a positive, firm confidence. I want to approach life with a contagious "God is good" attitude regardless of my circumstances. If I want positivity I need to sew it. If I want truth in feedback I need to sew seeds of THE truth. I can do all things through Christ. I am going to walk with assurance the path before me and allow HIM to be my guide not my emotions. Forgive me Lord for valuing others opinions over your infallible word.

Dear Diary

My mom wouldn't ever let me have a diary when I was growing up. She didn't like the idea of me having secrets. I thought it was lame at the time. I am all grown up now and I think the idea of a diary is great. My blog is a diary! So today, I thought that I would just diary my day from start until now...

4:30 a.m.: First alarm goes off. I push snooze. I contemplate getting out of bed.

4:50 a.m.: Second alarm goes off across the room. I have to get out of bed to turn it off. I am smart to do this I think.

4:51 a.m.: I tiptoe in the bathroom and attempt for the second day in a row to put in my contacts via nightlight in the bathroom. I spent lots of time pressing my finger to my eye sure that the contact was placed. I put my finger in the case again. Pressed finger to eye. Nope. No contact. Finally, I found the contact only to have it fold on my finger. I held it as close to the nightlight as I could to try and figure out which way to pull it to get it flat. Success. Contacts in.

4:53 a.m.: I tiptoe downstairs to read my bible. Reading Holiness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

5:20 a.m.: Pray in kitchen. Pacing back and forth keeps me awake.

5:40 a.m.: Tiptoe upstairs to get on workout clothes. Without lights, my sports bra is hard to find in my drawer. I found a swimsuit, a tank top and then finally a sports bra.

5:41 a.m.: Jog in place workout video.

6:10 a.m.: Husband up and joins me downstairs. Lunch made for daughter: sandwich, goldfish, peeled orange, 2 cookies, banana and cheese for a snack. Juice and icepack added too.

6:15 a.m.: Hop in shower.

6:45 a.m.: Son and daughter awake. Son dressed. Daughter dressed and hair done. Breakfast prepared.

7:15 a.m.: 5 1/2 month old arrives to be babysat.

7:30 a.m.: Kids teeth brushed with baby watching.

7:50 a.m.: Kids shoes on and put in car. 2 trips with all baby stuff and school stuff.

8:00 a.m.: Depart for school. By the way, husband left at 7:40 a.m.

8:17 a.m.: Arrive at school. Daughter decides she is too scared to walk in by herself.

8:21 a.m.: Baby in stroller. Daughter with backpack on. Son asking lots of questions. Head into school.

8:25 a.m.: Daughter to her class. Couldn't get backpack open. Had to have teacher help her. Blew her a kiss.

8:27 a.m.: Walk to coffee shop in church with baby and son. Purchase cookie. Son refuses to walk and eat at same time. Wait for son to finish cookie.

8:35 a.m.: Walk back to car to go home.

9:00 a.m.: Home. Take baby and son for walk around the block.

9:20 a.m.: Play with baby and son.

10:20 a.m.: Put baby down for nap. Play with son. Read several pages in textbook for school.

11:20 a.m.: Baby awake. Change baby. Feed baby bottle.

11:45 a.m.: Baby in exersaucer. Make son lunch.

12:00 p.m.: I have been up for about 7 hours. Make myself lunch.

12:15 p.m.: Take son and baby outside for fresh air.

12:35 p.m.: Friend stops by to drop off some makeup I ordered.

1:00 p.m.: Friend leaves.

1:45 p.m.: Baby's mom arrives to get baby.

2:00 p.m.: Play with son and relax for a few minutes.

2:40 p.m.: Leave to get daughter from school.

3:10 p.m.: Daughter tired. Mommy tired.

3:15 p.m.: Drive to daddy's office.

3:20 p.m.: Daddy drives mommy, daughter and son to Starbucks for a special treat.

4:00 p.m.: Home with daughter and son. Clothes changed. Few phone calls made while son and daughter play.

4:45 p.m.: Husband home. Take walk with family.

4:50 p.m.: Short walk. Kids fought too much.

5:00 p.m.: Started dinner.

5:45 p.m.: Dinner ready. Dinner eaten. Dishes washed.

6:15 p.m.: Outside to play beanbag game with family.

7:00 p.m.: Neighbor comes over to borrow suitcase.

7:10 p.m.: Kids brought in to take shower.

7:20 p.m.: Break taken. Read several pages in textbook.

8:00 p.m.: Husband put kids to bed. Runs to store.

8:20 p.m.: Husband home with new foot bath for mommy.

8:23 p.m.: Mommy writes blog. Mommy wants to cry.

8:25 p.m.: Mommy wants to go enjoy foot bath. Husband is telling me my foot bath water is going to get cold. Good night.

Skirts Up

A friend of mine recently posted on her blog some pictures of her family visiting a wax museum. The museum was filled with replicas of famous people. One of the pictures was my friend's daughter standing next to Marilyn Monroe in that well known "skirt-flying-up" pose. I don't know the story behind that whole deal as it is a bit before my time, but of course I know of the picture!

Anyway, I thought of that picture this morning as I read a passage in Genesis. Rachel and Leah are fleeing with their husband Jacob and Rachel had stolen her father's idols before they fled. Her father catches up to them and in a long speech he reprimands them for stealing his idols. Jacob is unaware that Rachel had stolen them and had them hidden under her skirt. When being searched for the idols Rachel says to her father, "Please sir, forgive me if I don't get up for you. I'm having my monthly period" (Genesis 31:35). Ha! What an excuse!

Besides Rachel's cunning lie, I was intrigued with why Rachel stole her father's idols. Maybe this is obvious to you, but I found myself convinced that Rachel believed in her heart that just in case Jacob's "God" didn't pull through, she had a contingency plan. She had doubt in her heart. She didn't know Jacob's God as he knew Him. "Just in case we get in a bind, daddy's 'gods' could help us out" is what I see her thinking.

The application here to me, is what "contingency plan" do I have hidden up my sleeve or skirt as it were? Just in case God doesn't come through, I will strive. Or just in case things don't work out I will make a plan of my own. Just in case I'll just sit on this one.

With Almighty God we don't need a contingency plan. He is the "All Sufficient" God. The God who told Abram, "I am God Almighty; walk before me and be blameless. I will confirm my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers" Genesis 17:1-2). God Almighty doesn't fail, doesn't fall short, doesn't need help, never sleeps, never changes and never leaves. Wow. Do you know this God? Do you know Him intimately?

Search my heart oh God. Reveal any idols that I have hiding in my garments. Help me to abandon any other gods and cling to the One True God. Goodness and mercy, righteousness, peace and joy unspeakable become my companions when I turn and embrace fully, with no inhibitions, the one TRUE God! I love you Lord. Be my everything today.

Questions my kids have asked this week

My son: "When is this world going to close?"

My daughter: "What is the special thing that mommies and daddies do to have a baby?"

Somtimes I find that as a mom it is best to just repeat the question and say either, "Mommy doesn't know the answer to that" or "Daddy is a better person to ask about that." After all, my kids were talking a week ago about the 9 foot deep pool. My daughter said to my son, "Only my daddy can stand in that water." "Yep," my son replied, "Only daddy can reach." Daddy is pretty incredible.

Simple Favorites

Today I revert back to telling you about one of my favorite things. I have craved and given into...(drum roll please)...pickles! (No, I'm not pregnant). My favorite, hands down is Claussen Kosher Dill spears. Now, I once made the mistake of asking my husband if "Kosher" meant that the pope prayed over the food. He quickly retorted, half laughing, "You mean the Catholic Pope?" Duh. Sometimes I think that I should give things in my head a bit more time to process before I actually share them...this would probably save me a lot of grief. But then again, my husband would not have the enjoyment of laughing!

Anyway, these pickles are awesome. Sour, but not too sour. They crunch when you bite them and they top of any Chicago dog better than any pickle I have found. For some reason I have a new found love affair with Chicago dogs. Lots of people assume that I am a health food nut...which is partially true, but I eat junk too. That, as I have said before, is a balanced diet. Chicago dog on an organic whole grain bun with organic chips followed by antioxidant rich dark chocolate. Balanced perfectly in my mind.

So, if you have a hankering for pickles, head to the refrigerated section at your market and pick Claussen Kosher Dill Spears. Remember, the pope didn't pray over them...but I could if you like. Lord, bless these pickles as they have blessed me!!

Moving On

Today I just had a bit of trouble getting up out of bed. Ever had a day like that?? Of course, I have an incentive in that my 4 year old insists on poking as his method of waking me. The poking doesn't stop until my feet hit the floor. Well, let me back up, I think for some reason I have inadvertently trained my children to walk to their dad's side of the bed in the early morning. I don't mind and he doesn't either. He should get dad of the year award!! The problem with my kids going to my husband's side of the bed is that I am the one who ends up sleeping in quite by accident.

I am trying to get up out of bed earlier, again, to read my bible and exercise. For whatever reason, it always ends up that I only have time for one. But this morning, my husband helped me to get up. I read my bible AND exercised. After I had done so, I had this feeling come over me, almost a heaviness. I felt really sad and overwhelmed. I actually just stopped in my tracks and analyzed what was going on?? God would not make me feel this way. So, through a process of elimination the only one left was the enemy. He is never happy when I am. He is never thrilled when I spend quality time in God's word or when I do something healthy. The enemy is sneaky.

I am thankful and even overwhelmed at the love of God today. I am so thankful for the power of the Holy Spirit. Because, in that moment, I encouraged myself. I told myself to put my trust, my focus, my thoughts on the Lord. You can guess what happened!! That feeling left as soon as it had come. I moved on. I made a choice not to take on those feelings of sadness or heaviness and they couldn't stay on me.

Yeah God! Thank you that you give strength to the weak! I am thankful for a scripture that I read this morning, "For God is working in you , giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him" Philippians 2:13. God not only gives me the power to overcome but He blesses me with the DESIRE to obey. We don't have to muster up the desire to do right!!! He gives us that desire!! Thank you Lord that you meet all of our needs right down to the very depths of each heart!

One other thing that I am overwhelmed with today is the absolute necessity of praying and interceding for each other! I can think of a couple of friends who are going through tough stuff. Guess what my friends?? Be encouraged today. Your sister in the Lord is lifting you up. Believing when you can't and cheering for you when you feel like you want to quit. Won't you take on the task of praying for those closest to you today?!!

Blessed

It's early Sunday morning. My son awoke shortly after 6 a.m. He had been awake about midnight because he had to go potty. This has become a regular thing for my little angel. He is trying so hard to make it through the night with dry pants. Despite the middle of the night urges, I am so proud of him.

I took my bible and my devotional outside into the sunshine. It was warm but a cool breeze made it comfortable. My neighbor came out and we exchanged greetings. I decided to serve my kids breakfast outside. I prepared everything and then herded my little lambs out to the table. Of course my son needed his sun glasses. So upstairs I went to rummage through baskets of toys in search of his sun glasses. I knew if he had some that my daughter would need some too. So even though I had victory in finding one pair I really needed two. I succeeded and headed back outside. How wonderful to enjoy waffles and cold vanilla milk on the patio. This wonderful feeling lasted for about 2 minutes. Then the whining started. Things like, "It is burning out here" or "I don't want vanilla milk, it's too yucky" filled the air. I managed to get my kids fed and then we came back inside.

I enjoy being in the sunshine. I rather agree with cats, that in the sun is the best place to nap. Living in the spirit is a lot like walking in the sunshine; it is the most wonderful place to be. But I can't help but make the connection between my kids' whining and the tendency of our flesh to crave something more "comfortable." A devotional I read challenged me to come up higher, to leave the low life behind. What does this mean for you today?? My prayer is that God will illuminate those things in me that hinder, those sins that easily entangle. I want the sun to be comfortable and the shade to be the place that I desire to leave quickly.

As I sit here and look at the precious gifts I have in my children, even though they don't enjoy the patio like their mom, I am overwhelmed with God's blessing. I have a home. I have a wonderful, loving husband and I enjoy great health. Thank you Lord for all of the blessings in my life. Help me to keep my focus on the "haves" and to set aside the "have nots." Help me to keep my eyes on the Source and my feet on the path in the sun. As the temperature rises, quietly remind me that you refine and sanctify me because you love me enough to cause me to grow! You are amazing God.

Tennis Lessons

This evening, my husband and I decided that it would be fun to go play tennis. My growing up years we would play tennis every day of the summer. I remember going to play tennis in the evenings with my parents. We would always go get ice cream afterwards. I loved every minute of it.

Naturally, I thought that my children would be the same. Well, let me tell you exactly how it all went down:

First, my husband had to go driving around to the neighbors that we knew to find an extra tennis racquet. We had 2 plus a racket ball racket that one of the kids could use. 20 minutes later, he had success. He stopped at the store to grab some balls. He came home to get me and we all headed to the tennis courts which are about 2.4 minutes away from our house. Once in the car the kids whined about what movie they wanted on in the car while dad sternly said "no" and mumbled under his breath that the TVs needed to be removed from the car. I agreed.

We got to the tennis courts that were quite full. We wanted to find a whole row of courts that were free so that we didn't disturb anyone because we knew that it would be messy. We found 2 courts together and settled for that. We got out of the car with everyone carrying their racquets and with their excited smiles on. Once on the court, my husband gave the kids some tips while I went to take the cover off of my racket. The zipper would not pull and I looked at the zipper more closely. The zipper had a greenish fur growing on it. It was actually corroded shut. I pulled the zipper seam and it came open with a puff of dust. I laughed out loud, "It really has been a while since we played tennis." 7 years to be exact.

By this time, my daughter started crying saying, "I can't do it" all while pulling away from my husband who was getting upset at her while she was flailing about. My husband gave up and grabbed his racquet to get it out of the cover. Guess what? His was corroded shut too. We laughed and I said, "I know how to get it open, just pull the seams." It did not work. My husband tried to pry it with his keys. At this point my kids were both crying in frustration. My son was actually down on the ground and my daughter was still flailing. I could tell that my husband was trying to use his aggravation to his advantage in trying to rip the vinyl cover. It probably would have felt good to him rip vinyl about now since the kids were getting more and more frustrated and cried louder and louder. I actually began to laugh out loud which didn't help I found.

My husband handed me the case because he needed to quiet down my daughter. At this point my son came running over to grab a ball, tripped over his sandal and landed on his head. He began to scream, I threw the racket and scooped him up. He had a big red goose egg in the middle of his forehead. I carried him to my husband who just didn't seem to have any words at that moment. I kissed my son's head and suggested that we go home. One thing about my husband is that he does not give up easily. What a guy.

So, I picked up my husband's racquet again and I suggested that my husband pull one side of the zipper as I pulled the other. So here we are with my children wailing and mommy and daddy playing tug of war with a tennis racquet. My husband had one leg back and both hands pulling one side while I was in a lunge position myself pulling at the other quarter inch of fabric. No luck. Finally after all our muscles were tensed and fatigued, I tried ripping the zipper with the keys. A slow but successful process. My husband was then able to spread the rip as he pulled with all his might...victory. The tennis racquet was free, the cover now trash.

We proceeded to try to give our kids some pointers with our racquets and each moment grew more frustrating for all of us. I ran to shag balls a lot. My son cried a lot. My husband tried not to yell a lot. After several minutes and with sunset approaching, the kids were instructed to sit on the side and watch. "I don't want to" echoed through the courts. "You can get balls for us," I said, "Mommy and daddy want to play now." The kids continued to cry while my husband and I tried to start playing. My husband took this time to tell me that a neighbor had offered to watch the kids while we played. But no. We decided on family fun!

The first ball went into the court next to us. Then the second. After the third apology to the players next to us I was just ready to call it quits. The man next to us actually said, "Don't worry about it." Followed by, much to my disbelief, "Your kids are so cute." Are you joking me?? I knew that he had to have witnessed the last 20 minutes of tears, tempers, trips and tug-of-wars. I replied sheepishly, "Thank you. This family time has not quite been what we had planned."

My husband and I did manage to get in a set. I lost miserably...mostly due to my errors, not his skill (kidding of course). I found myself a bit teary eyed as I remembered the fun playing tennis I had as a kid. Or maybe the tears came because my kids were hating what I so wanted them to enjoy.

We're home now and the kids are in bed. We survived but we have a new rule. The words, "I can't do it" and "It's too hard" are to be considered swear words. These words will result in mouths being washed out with soap. I told my kids "We can do all things through Christ" and "Nothing is impossible with God." Of course this doesn't mean that my kids will be champion tennis players or perfect at everything they try. But I am just finding more and more that my problems as an adult are rooted in the attitudes of "I can't do it" or "It's just too hard." My prayer for my family is that we all live life through the power of the spirit not relying on the flesh. Our lives apart from Christ are like the disheveled tennis match we experienced tonight as a family. Something rings true about weeping and gnashing of teeth!

So many lessons are found in our night of fun. I could go on and on. But I think tonight I will leave my soap box and go spend some MORE quality time with my husband. I was reminded tonight of times earlier in our marriage on the tennis courts. I was reminded of how much I love my husband. Thank you Lord tonight for my family. I truly consider myself blessed. It took a man outside my chaos tonight to remind my that I have precious kids. Even when I have to kind of look beyond the tantrums to see it!

New Glasses

Wow, what a beginning to the week. My sister came in town with her family on Sunday. I spent the Sabbath day cleaning, forgive me Lord, and preparing for her arrival. My children were very excited to see their cousins. I had prayed that everything would go smoothly and that we would all enjoy our time together as it was going to be awhile before we were all together again.

What happened? I wondered again about my prayer for health and the events that followed. Just hours before the much anticipated arrival my son's eyes looked a little weepy. Any mother can spot a fevery child from a mile away. I felt his head and then proceeded to take his temperature. A good old 102. Wow. Okay, what to do now?? I gave Tylenol and put my son down for his nap. He woke up with a lower fever and a lot of grumpiness.

My sister and her family arrived and my son's fever began to spike again. I don't know any mom who wants her kids around sick kids...especially when you are moving cross country with no doctor available as in the case of my sister. I did my best to keep my son to himself, much to my disappointment as my son had looked so forward to playing with his cousins.

We made it through Sunday, sort of. I woke up in the middle of the night with a very irritated eye. My eye was so blood shot that I was sure that it was pink eye. Great, another very contagious virus to try to contain. I wondered "Why now Lord??" Thoughts of my trip to Washington flooded my mind as I thought of how miserable it is to be sick when trying to absorb time with loved ones. I put drops in my eyes and we tried to head out to do something fun. My son was so miserable and pale that it was not much fun dragging him around. I was also forced to wear my glasses that were 7 or 8 years old. My prescription has changed several times since then as have the fashion trends. Needless to say, I felt awkward with my glasses and frustrated from the whole ordeal.

When we got home, I ended up using my brother-in-law's flashlight to look at my son's throat. The whole thing was covered with blisters. I decided that I should take my son to the doctor. So off I went in my glasses to the doctor. My son had a coxsackie virus...translation: a virus you never want your kids to get because it is miserable and highly contagious. I headed home and stopped off to get Popsicles to ease my son's pain. Meanwhile, my eyes ached ferociously and teared at the sun. Again, "Lord, why now?"

My sister and her family left the next morning. I ended up in the doctor's office myself. The doctor said I had come in the nick of time...the infection I had was in both eyes and just about ready to invade my cornea in one eye (i.e. not good!). I got a prescription and headed home to recuperate.

That is what I am tired of. Recuperating after a time that is suppose to be energizing. I don't understand why it seems that I can pray for one thing and the OPPOSITE seems to happen. Much needed rest and relaxation has instead been more stress, frustration and draining at best. Where does one go from here?

I went to Lenscrafters and got new glasses yesterday. I have to wear glasses until the middle of next week. I have a wedding to go to this weekend, with my new glasses and a new norm. They hurt my nose and are cumbersome but the alternative is impossible. Working out is out of the question as it is no fun to sweat with glasses on. My husband suggested a sports strap for glasses, thanks, but no thanks honey.

The Lord recently showed me that He is transplanting me from the soil that I have been rooted in, into the fertile soil of His love. This process seems like it would be all roses, right?? This transplant is a lot like my new glasses. They help me to see better than the ones I was trying to wear. They look measurable better. But the problem is that it is uncomfortable and different. Then end result is worth it: rested eyes and clear vision, but the process feels unnatural since I was so used to my contacts or old glasses. God's love is the best place to be rooted, but if you have been growing somewhere else for a long period of time, it takes diligence and flat out surrender to "remain in His love." God says in Psalm 52 that when we are rooted in His love we will be like "An Olive Tree, thriving in the house of the Lord." The Olive Tree is a long living tree and a tree that doesn't just get by, but THRIVES. My old glasses may have gotten me by, but my new glasses will get me through to the other side.

There is so much I don't understand about our God. I have so many "why" questions. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to know everything in advance, to have time to mentally prepare. God constantly reminds me that His ways are higher than mine. My plans are from a temporal perspective. It is overwhelming for me to sometimes get to a point where I am okay with that. I want the steady Love of God to help me with my small perspective on the circumstances of life. Someday, I belive by faith that I will be able to look back from a different place and have peace about all my yesterdays. For now, I am just a newly planted flower, needing water and lots of sun.

Second Day of Summer

The first day of summer was started early. Breakfast together was enjoyable. The plans for the day were made early. Even with a little burp in the weather, the day was great. We went to a free zoo with some great friends and just had a ball. What would follow fun like that better than a bagel from Panera??

Today, not quite as exciting. We all ate breakfast in shifts as Dad left early and my oldest slept the latest she ever has...8:05!! Wow!! Well, she woke happy. She looked happy. That was all a great disguise. Asking my daughter to clear her breakfast dishes turned into a three ring circus. For some reason it seemed as though I asked her to scale the Empire State Building with no rope. Good grief. With much coxing and a miraculous amount of patience on my part (THANK YOU, LORD!!!!) we made it through that challenge.

By the time we ate and cleaned up we were looking for some activity to ward off the "I'm bored" syndrome. We decided on stencils. This lasted about 20 minutes. I checked the website of local bookstore that said that they had story time at 10:30 on Tuesdays. Perfect. We had 10 minutes. I put my hair in a pony tail and changed into some presentable clothes. I blushed my cheeks, lined my eyes and brushed my teeth. I threw some clothes to my daughter who once again acted as though I had asked her to do the impossible. Good grief. After more tears and me combing my daughter's hair in front of me while we walked to the car, we were off. We raced to the back of the store right on time. On time for what? I asked a nearby employee if Story Time would be late today? He replied, "Story time is on Wednesdays." I restrained my desire to tell them to update their website because I know others are often frustrated with me for not updating mine!!! :)

Back home for lunch is what we decided. After a few fights at the table I had to get out my Attitude Adjuster 3000. (My new Dustbuster). I gave both my kids a good cleaning and we all laughed. Then each of them came up with a machine of their own. My daughter had a Hug-O-Matic that gave a hug every time someone talked. As I type this I am so thankful for a God who revealed His glory through this tired and weary stay-at-home mom. He gave me supernatural patience and creativity and joy in the midst of frustrating circumstances. I love what I read this morning in Isaiah 40:29, "He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless," and I am living proof.

I want to see God. Today I have. I watched for Him and I have witnessed His love in my life today. Have I doubted it. Yes, sometimes. Have I rejected it? Yes, sometimes. I love what Isaiah 30:27 says too, "...how can you say that the LORD does not see your troubles?...Have you never heard?" Have we never heard? I think my translation of this statement would be, "DUH!" My bible is filled with a God who sees. He sees us even when we don't see Him. God showed me that he saw my troubles today when he gave me patience and joy in what could have been the worst day of summer but instead it has become a stepping stone towards tomorrow to see what God will do next!

What do you see?

I love the children's book "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?" by Eric Carle. It is a great book about perspective. I enjoyed a conversation about perspective that my kids had today. We were driving to a park and they were talking about the shapes that they saw in the clouds. "I see a rabbit," one would say. "I see a bear," the other would say. Then my son said, "I see God. See His head right there...and there is his body!!" He continued, "Look mom, over there!" I could not quite see what he saw as God or His body. I just thought it was so awesome that my son was looking up to the sky expecting to see all sorts of wonderful things in the clouds and in the process he experienced what he thought was God.

Shortly after that moment, I began to pray to myself. I have been struggling with the same issue for quite some time now. I quietly whispered, "God, what am I missing. What can't I see in this?" The answer came as quickly and quietly as my whisper, "Me," I heard. "You're missing me." It wasn't that I was not seeing God. My problem was occurring and reoccurring and worsening because the God that I was seeing was more like a shape in the clouds. I felt like in that moment God was asking me to experience the fullness of Him in all that He is. Of course, as God would have it, the song that came on was about coming face to face with God. That has been my prayer as long as I can remember. "I want to see your face God. I want to know you so intimately." I feel like God has been telling me that the God that I've been seeing isn't him at all. I have been defining Him through earthly limitations and a jaded earthly perspective that has been made so distorted by my fleshly hurt.

Lord, my prayer today is that I would begin to see the real you through the clouds of what I have made you to be. Your word says that You are all I need. You are our strength. Help me to encounter the true God in all of Your glory and all of Your splendor. Help me to open my heart and allow the True God to shed His love in my heart. Change my perspective with one touch of your mighty and gently hand. I do love you, Lord. Help me though to love as you love, without inhibition.

Field Day

Today was field day for my daughter's school. Kindergartners through 5th graders were throwing frisbees, jumping rope and playing leap frog. We had a blast. I had a few moments to speak to my daughter's teacher out on the field. My daughter won an award in her class called the Timothy award. The teacher reiterated what an amazing award it was. The students all vote for 1 student in their class who most exemplifies Christ. WOW! Somebody asked me how a girl could win an award like that with parents like us?!! My thoughts exactly! I cried as I drove home today. I feel like I fall short in so many ways as a parent. How could I actually take any responsibility for my daughter acting like Christ when she doesn't always see her mommy acting like Christ?!! The answer?? GOD'S AMAZING GRACE!!!!

The other thing I realized while talking to my daughter's teacher is that we need to pray about every thought that comes to our minds. I have had a thought come into my mind over and over again and I did not know whether or not it was God. I mentioned the thought to my daughter's teacher. Her response was actually the opposite of what I was expecting her to say.

For so many years of my life I have done things as I thought others would approve of. I have found myself faced with some new decisions that I am praying through and my response to these issues is probably going to go against what some in my life would approve of. How difficult it seems some times to swim upstream. I got the pleasure of watching Salmon swim upstream in Bellingham, Washington where we used to live. It was an amazing thing to watch and a beautiful thing all at the same time. Those salmon never gave up jumping upstream. In fact some actually travel up to 1,000 miles upstream to spawn!! Their whole life cycle would be interrupted if they decided just to swim around in a cozy spot for their whole lives!! It is no different with us, other than the obvious swimming upstream to spawn :)! We can choose to swim around in a comfy spot or we can head out into the deep upstream in order to see God do amazing things through us.

I think we all come to spots along the road where we can decide to mature or remain the same. My prayer is that I will keep my focus on Elohim, the amazing creative God, who created me in His image!! and prepared things in advance for me to walk in. I want to walk the path He has intended, not the road most travelled. Robert Frost in his famous poem said that he "took the [road] less travelled by/ And that has made all the difference." Some people think the road less travelled is a bad thing. Not so. It is the brave thing.

Inside Out

Another month gone by. A good friend of mine encouraged me to post on my blog. My prayer is that it will be more frequent. It is so easy to let time slip by. Amazing how we can look back over a week and see large bits of time we wished that we would have used more wisely. My intentions seem to be in the right place...but my actions don't seem to follow through. God bless Paul for telling me that I'm not the only one.

So, friend, here is where I am right now. I am going to follow through with sharing what is on my mind. Allowing my page to be my canvas I will paint the picture of my heart:

I am finding myself frustrated right now. I seem to see a trend in my life that I don't like. It is right along this theme of following through. I have glimpsed, perhaps for the first time in my life, that when things get hard I quit. I fold. I throw in the towel. It could be parenting. It could be relationships. It could be a job. I seem to see this common thread rearing its ugly head like a snake in the grass.

Lately, relationships have been hard for me. Circumstances have been such that I would rather keep to myself than try to put myself out there to make new friends. Perhaps its because I have been burned too many times. Perhaps its because I am tired of investing and having friends move away :) (NO GUILT ATTACHED HERE to my friends who have or are moving away!!!) New friendships among women I think are far to exhausting. I sometimes feel like I head back to high school. The "I have to impress" mentality creeps in. That's it. I give up. Too hard.

Then there is my part-time business. I desire to succeed. I am a smart girl. I love the product. But it is hard work putting yourself out there at the risk of being rejected or being offensive. Not wanting to impose on some one's time becomes a major obstacle to reaching out. Being shy becomes the mask that I hide behind and the excuse behind the lack of sales. Too hard. I won't succeed. No one does in these sorts of things. Just quit, it's a waste of time.

Parenting. Here, you can't quit...or can you? Problems come. Discipline issues arise. Emotional issues flare. Tiredness creeps in. So what does this worn-out mom to do??? Quit. Emotionally I disconnect. I hand the baton to my husband. I check out, blaming my own inability. You can quit parenting even when you still have kids!

Becoming a parent. Miscarriage happens. Try again? Too hard. It involves emotion. Reasoning consumes the brain. Why did this happen? What are the options? Maybe I can't handle it. Maybe I'm not a good mom. Maybe my body can't handle it. Maybe the finances are too tight. That's okay. I quit. Easier to avoid pain then to go through it, right??

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! So where from here? I can't help but think of my laundry as I write this. I weary of laundry. I will let you in on a secret. Sometimes I don't even bother to turn a shirt or two right-side-out. I just fold it like it is. Too time consuming to pull the sleeves through and lay it flat, why not just fold it like it is? I find that when I am in a hurry I pull out one of my daughter's shirts that is inside out. Then I have to take the time in THAT moment to pull it right side out. So one could deal with it before or deal with it now, but nonetheless the clothes have to be turned right side out to be worn. Issues have to be addressed now or later. Something about the Isrealites and a mountain comes to mind.

So how do I turn this inside out mentality right-side-out? Pray. Persevere. Peddle on.
Look up. Don't give up. Keep it up.

God will bless our efforts but I think He expects us to at least turn those shirts inside out before we fold them. We have to reach up and surrender before He can hold us. Help me, Lord. Untangle this mess. Spot treat my "I quit" attitude. Help me to be an overcomer.

Milk's Making Me Fat

I was at the health food store today, (my kids hate going there because they say it is "stinky") in search of some soy protein that I have purchased before. I asked an employee because I couldn't find the brand that I had used before. I explained to the employee that I liked it because it was both soy protein and whey protein. Then it occurred to me that I did not know a lot about whey protein. The employee explained that whey is only good for people that are serious athletes because it helps them gain weight and add muscle. Okay, so I'd like to think that being a mom and doing an occasional workout video qualifies me as a "serious athlete" but the employee seemed to be saying otherwise. He was steering me away from the stuff. Another employee suggested a couple of other products for energy and others for protein.

Then, after a few minutes of conversation the first employee said to me, "Look, this protein is really just like feeding yourself with baby's milk. Adults don't need milk like babies do. After all, babies basically drink milk to get fat." Well, you couldn't have gotten more straight forward advice. I thanked the employee for his help and shopped on.

As I returned home I began to think about adults and drinking baby's milk. Spiritually, milk is for those who are immature and meat is for those who are mature. So what happens if we try to live on milk as spiritual adults? Do we get fat? Spiritual fatness would seem to me like fatness of any other kind, i.e. NOT GOOD. Filling up on milk spoils our appetites for the heartier things. We miss out on the main course and on my favorite part, dessert. (Go figure. I love health food just about as much as I love sugar!! Balance, my friend. Balance!)

So what do you mean, "getting fat on spiritual milk?" Well, I have thought about this a lot. I think that we get fat when we take in God's word like we would cram for an exam. It just simply goes into our head like formulas, not understood or applied but just ready to be regurgitated when necessary. If we aren't feeding on things and then meditating and applying those things to our lives, then they do no good...they just make us fat.

Sometimes I think that I am a fat christian. Full of knowledge in my head but not a lot penetrates to my heart, the place where it challenges me to change, give, and grow. Maybe this is abstract and doesn't make sense to you. But I just can't help but feel that if we would exercise spiritually on a consistent basis and fill ourselves with spiritual "super food" that is bought only with extra time and searching, we would be radical believers who might just see a little revival in our families and churches. Don't settle for the fluff. I want to dig in and savor the rich meat of God's word!

Deal or No Deal

My daughter is obsessed with this show. Every time it comes on my daughter wants me to text message in to try and win $10,000 dollars. Then she asks me again and again, "How many American Girls can we buy with $10,000?" Oh yes, my daughter can't get enough of American Girls right now. Anyway, my kids love to try and play along with Deal or No Deal even though they don't understand. They cheer, laugh, wince and get so excited. They think daddy should go on the show!

I was just thinking that my faith walk these days seems like Deal or No Deal. I have the opportunity every day to take the Deal that God blesses me with or to say No Deal and hope for a better option. I find myself saying, "No Deal. I came here to play!" I am finding that it is a challenge for me to trust that God has my best interest in mind when I arise and He has His best for me each day. He is just awaiting my agreement. "Take the Deal," he whispers. "The other cases will only cause you disappointment, you may lose everything. Take the Deal."

My agreement. All I have to do is say "yes" to God and he showers me with His overwhelming best for the day. The best thing about God is that He loves me even when I close the lid on Him and opt for something besides His best. A friend of mine recently pointed out a scripture in Hebrews that had been speaking to her. Hebrews 4:15 in the Amplified Bible says, "For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation..." We have a High Priest who can sympathize with our weaknesses! He knows we are weak and he has sympathy! I am so glad that God knows my liabilities and does not hold them against me. He can change me and help me grow but He understands that some days I may choose poorly and say, "No Deal."

I have been saying "NO DEAL" to God a lot over the last couple weeks. In my weakness I think that God must be cruel to allow me to suffer or to seemingly ignore my requests. A scripture in Proverbs talks about how two people can only meet if they agree about it. I am in a place where I need to come into agreement with God's word even if I'm not feeling it. God's promises may not seem like they are yes and amen but my job is not to figure it out or ask why. My job is to wake up every day and take the Deal. God's Deal...or like scripture puts it, "come take up your cross and follow me" (Mark 10:21). No options given, just simple direction. "Take the deal."

Brown-bagging it Through Life

I came up with this clever saying yesterday while talking to my mom on the phone. I'm sure this blog will end up being more negative with not a lot of answers in it as I am literally writing from the top of my head or heart as it were.

My parents continue to seek God on where and how they are to proceed through their own valleys. Talk of towing cars or driving cars is accented by the wonderings of money to pay for the trip. Questions about hurts and why they had to endure seem to cloud them right now. It seems like when you are right in the middle of a storm the tendency is to look back over your shoulder and see the pattern of storms that seem to make a b-line right for your life. "Breathe into a small brown bag," I told my mom. My sister had gotten the advice when she was at the doctor recently.

Tennis elbow plagues my sister as she is now forced to give up a passion for sewing. She sews such beautiful purses. Between the 4 active children and the active military duty husband she has, the doctor says the sewing must go. And for the chest pain? A brown paper bag.

I've needed my own brown paper bags lately. Between a much anticipated trip gone wrong and a pregnancy gone wrong to boot, the paper bag seems like a good option. The questions of why of course go unanswered now. The cliched advice from well-meaning people rings in my ears. "God is faithful." I know it in my head. I've said it to myself even in the midst of my own turmoil. But today I asked myself if I really believed it in my heart? I find myself back at the beginning with God. The children's song, Jesus Loves Me, echoes in my mind. But do I really believe it when it counts? Do I have that love to offer to my neighbor who struggles to pay her bills and whose lonliness haunts her daily? Why is it that sometimes it feels like the whole system is flawed?

My daughter's devotional had a craft in it a few nights ago. The instructions were to cut a small paper bag around the bottom to make a small crown. My daughter was to wear it and pretend that she was a princess. Brown bags are for princesses when we are small and they become sanity for us when we are grown. That's not the picture that I want to pass on to my daughter. What if, just for a moment, I cut out my own crown from my brown bag? What if I walked around and pretended that I was a princess? To God, it really would not be that silly for that is how He sees me.

So how does one get from the brown bag-breathing existance to the brown bag royal living? The only thing I can figure is that it comes through faith. Today, I know, my faith is all but lost. My body is tired and weak. I've cried out from the depths of who I am. All I can do and all I know how to do is hang on with one bag cut into a crown for my head and one in my hand to breathe into slowly. My king, rescue your daughter. I am desperate for you. Overwhelm me with your love right in the midst of my tribulation. Teach me, God, how to live like a princess in the middle of the mire.

What About ME??

My daughter and I were shopping yesterday for a get well present. A little boy in her class had a good fight with the gym wall. The poor little guy was running in the game of "freeze tag" and apparently wasn't watching where he was going. (Although, it makes perfect sense when you are playing tag to keep your eyes fixed on your pursuer!) He hit the handle to the door on the wall and ended up with a concussion and 35 stitches!! Ugh! That wall bit him right down to the muscle! Okay, too much information, I know. His mom said that she could see the...okay, I'll stop.

Anyway, we were trying to find the perfect stuffed animal for him to cuddle with. As we were on the toy aisle my daughter said, "Let's get him this little bear and me the other one." "Wait a minute," I said, "We aren't shopping for you, remember??" "But mom!" This conversation sound familiar to anyone???

Similar selfishness seems to crop up in my son too. If you want to get a rise out of my son, try doing one of two things: Help him when he doesn't ask for it or try to eat one of his fruit snacks. My son has an amazing ability to swat my hand away while still trying to do whatever it is he is doing with his other hand without skipping a beat. He can swat my hand away while trying to buckle his own seat belt, while trying to turn on the computer by himself or while trying to turn on a DVD by himself. His ability to swat and still concentrate is almost worthy of the show, America's Got Talent! His eyes don't even seem to move away from what he is doing! And the fruit snacks...he guards those with hands, arms and head if need be. He can spot my fingers coming from a quarter mile! "MINE!" he yells. It is funny because he is always thinking of his sister whenever he does a craft or wins a prize, but when it comes to fruit snacks, ME is all he thinks about.

Now then, what about me? I wish that I could say that I have outgrown any selfish behavior. Nope. The good old flesh never seems to "outgrow" self, "What I will wear and what will so-and-so think about it. How does my hair look? How big is my house? What about my car, does it make me feel proud to drive it? Where's my bonus? Where's my gift? Where's my invitation to the party? What about me, God, where's my miracle?" I could go on and on and give you plenty of examples from my own life!! How selfish I can be! I read Philippians 3:3 this week which in the amplified bible reads, "For we [Christians] are the true circumcision, who worship God in spirit and by the Spirit of God and exult and glory and pride ourselves in Jesus Christ, and put NO CONFIDENCE or DEPENDENCE [on what we are] in the flesh and on outward privileges and physical advantages and external appearances."

Oh yeah, put NO confidence in the flesh. That means I can't rely on my looks, my gifts, my money or my position to make me a whole person! We are to pride ourselves in Jesus Christ and who He is. When our value system starts and ends with Him we will find ourselves more fulfilled and I dare say more blessed than if we seek all of the blessings as an end in and of themselves!! I was so challenged as I began to search my heart for the things that made me feel confident!! I could not say with all assurance that it was only Jesus that made me confident. I have put confidence in fitness for years. I have always tried to be thin. Now if I were to put all my eggs in this basket, what happens if I happen to get fat? (Okay, humor me on this one those of you who are rolling your eyes!!!) My whole value system, if it was based on my thinness, would crumble! I would live in fear and depression because what I put my confidence in failed! My body is going to change. I'm not going to (and don't) have the metabolism of a 20 year old for the rest of my life. Our bodies change, that's life. But when we PUT OUR CONFIDENCE IN CHRIST we can be assured that he will never change or let us down! Praise God. He wants me to see myself as He created me. Beautiful from the inside out. He doesn't love me for my size or complexion like the world does!!

I have prayed that God would reveal to me areas where I have allowed a lie of the world to become a truth in my heart! I am thankful that God hears us when we pray and is there to walk with us as we ask Him to sanctify us!

I was challenged and encouraged this week as I spoke with someone about a bible study. She was struggling with some of the content and it was a challenge even to make it to the bible study because her daughter would not stay in the nursery. She did not want to go to the study because it was going to take a lot of effort and wasn't paying a lot of dividends. We chatted about how, as Christians we need to make sure that we are taking everything that we read and holding next to God's word to make sure that it lines up. We need to know that what we are believing is scriptural!! I was proud of her for being sensitive to the Holy Spirit and encouraged her not to ever quit being sensitive when things don't quite match what God's word says.

A little while later I got a call from her and she was crying. A lady in the bible study was going through a hard time. She had always been a bit abrasive but for some reason just loved my friend's daughter. Because my friend's daughter was always with her in bible study, this lady sort of softened a bit to my friend. The lady shared her struggle about her unfaithful spouse and my friend was able to be Jesus to her by throwing her arms around this lady's neck and telling her that SHE loved her and would pray for her. My friend told me that she did not really know this lady but she KNEW that being at bible study wasn't, as she had assumed, always about her, her, her! God was using her and her daughter to minister to SOMEONE ELSE! It isn't always about us and what we are or aren't getting out of life! AND, ministry to others is hardly ever easy or convenient!!

Oh Lord, Help us to put our confidence in You. Help us to seek You and allow You to shed Your light on our dark places. Change us from the inside out! Use us right where we are as we are sensitive to You. Fill us with more of You and Your love as we daily draw near and help us to turn that love outward to others instead of keeping it all to ourselves. Purify our desires and help us to surrender our wills, may we truly live out, "not my will but YOURS be done!" Amen!

Stress, Seriousness and Sunshine

I can't believe that it has been over a month since my last post. Busyness seems to be the adjective that I use, the excuse that I offer and the answer that I give. Then I look at my bookshelf and I see books like, "Too Busy Not to Pray" and "Weary Warriors and Fainting Saints" oh good grief, where to start?? I was thinking this morning as I was driving about trying to get up early in the morning. It seems like no matter what I do, my eyes want to slam shut and why is it that your bed is never as cozy as when you are suppose to be out of it???!!! I found myself crying out to the Lord on the way to drop my daughter to school, "Forgive me, Lord for my apathy."

I have looked at my life and my schedule over the last couple days. It is so important that we learn balance in our lives. I took my kids to the park yesterday (Hallelujah, the sun actually does come out once in a while in Chicago!!) and my daughter wanted to pretend that the see-saw was a balance beam. She told me, "Mom, it is so easy when you put your hands out like this." She stretched her arms out to the side and confidently walked the line in front of her. Are you getting the spiritual picture?? A scripture that has been on the forefront of my mind of late is Colossians 2:6, "Just as you received Jesus as lord, continue to live in Him." I don't remember coming to the Lord, clinging to my old life, or hanging on to someone or something. I remember the moments of surrender and breakthrough where I threw out my arms and said, "Here I am Lord, I surrender." So, as time goes on at least in my life, I have grabbed on to a few things and I am trying to walk the path of life with a pile of stuff throwing me off and blocking my view. We were saved by grace and that is how we are to live.

I have asked the Lord and mulled over this "walking by grace" a lot over the past couple weeks. I don't like living with a heavy heart or with a nagging frustration like a cough that never quite goes away. How does the "grace walk" look? A lot like my daughter on her balance beam. Arms out, head held high and confident smile. As I was doing dishes on Sunday, I began to weep before the Lord while I told Him that I feel like my grace walk lasts about 3 minutes and then I try and pick up a load. I told Him how frustrated I get that I can't seem to get it right for very long at a time. This is where the keeping on comes in. If we taught our kids just to throw in the towel when they fell off their bikes, there would be a lot of dusty bikes in garages. Just as we received, CONTINUE!!! Paul follows this with saying that we should be "rooted and built up and strengthened in the faith and overflowing with thankfulness" (Colossians 2:7). My prayer these days is root me God, build me up IN YOU.

My daughter made a type of Chia Pet at school with a clear cup and grass seed. She named him Hairy. Hairy grows so quickly. It is neat to look through the cup and see the roots stretching down. I have done some heart checking and I believe that sometimes struggle is the result of planting our little selves in something other than the Lord. My own abilities and my own limited perspectives are often the soil of my actions. Paul goes on to tell us in verse 9 that, "We have been given fullness in Christ." I don't want emptiness, in fact I don't even want half-fullness. I want overflow and abundance and that only comes from ROOTING, SETTLING IN, in CHRIST. He is where I fix my thoughts. He is where I leave my circumstances.

Today is Yellow Day for my daughter's Kindergarten class. We went to Target and bought a yellow shirt for her and a cute yellow flower headband. While I was brushing her teeth this morning, she asked me, "Mom, do you know what this shirt reminds me of?" "What," I asked. "Hope!" she proclaimed. "This shirt reminds me that we have hope in Jesus." No joke. My daughter is really more spiritually mature than a lot of adults I know. I'm not trying to brag, it is the reality though. If more of us adults put on our yellow shirts and thought about the hope we have in Jesus instead of putting on our impressive duds that make us feel better about ourselves, the world would seem to be a bit brighter.

Lord, thank you that you never give up on me. Thank you for the sunshine that you have given me through my family. (My youngest ray of sunshine is hanging on my neck!!) Thank you for my daughter, Lord, who reminds me to keep this life in perspective and to walk on, arms outstretched, confident in Almighty God.

Frustration, Fights and (almost) Fires

I approached yesterday with enthusiasm. I had gotten up and read my bible. I spent some time in prayer. (A note on prayer, sorry, I digress: I was in a home recently where I believed the family was Muslim. There was a prayer room and in that room was a prayer carpet. That carpet had knee marks worn into it. One could tell that the rug was well used. Let me tell you, it was pretty convicting to me as a Christian...hopefully you too if you aren't wearing knee marks into your carpeting!) Anyway, I had prayed. I began to start the rest of my day.

As I headed downstairs to make coffee, my kids began fighting over who got to help. Ugh. Of course they both wanted to stand on the same chair about 16 inches from me. Then they would fight over who got to do what. About 12 inches from all of us was an extremely hot toaster oven and a hot espresso machine. NOT good when you have preschoolers fighting in a small space, someone is bound to get burned.

As I was playing referee at 8 am my cell phone rang. Not a family member as I expected, but a realtor who wanted to show our home as it is on the market. So now I am faced with how to get my daughter to school and my house cleaned in 1.5 hours. No need for coffee now, I had adrenaline.

My husband took my daughter to school and I blazed around the house. Of course my vacuum was broken so I had to track down a loaner in the next few moments. No problem, my neighbor to the rescue. I cleaned everything from top to bottom and then some. I had the sweat rings to prove it. I despise back and belly sweat by the way. I managed to maintain my composure enough to get into some sweat free clothes and out the door before the appointed time.

What better place to kill an hour than....STARBUCKS!! Of course. I sat down and my husband ordered some coffees and chased after our 3 year old. After we enjoyed our coffees we decided to go for a quick drive to see a home we are considering buying. As I got into my car and my husband in his, he was quickly at my door. I guessed it within seconds. His car would not start. Mind you, it was about -15 with the windchill. Yes, MINUS 15. Those of you not from the Midwest, it is possible unfortunately.

My husband and I decided that we would jump the car. Of course there were cars on either side of his so we had to push his car to a new location. Now remember the temperature, my 3 year old son and an exhausted sweaty, hot(headed that is) mama are all part of the equation. Okay, yeah, no problem. Let me help you push your car honey (sarcasm included in this remark!). We managed to push it across the parking lot with me responsible for reaching my hand into the car to steer the wheel. Bad idea. I can't steer a car in reverse while in the drivers seat. I kept hearing the words, "Crank it. NO! Other way. Come on, crank it!" Okay. I was freezing and about ready to become very CRANKY from all the orders about CRANKING!!

I jumped into our car that was running with my 3 year old in it yelling, "I want to go home!" Yep. Me too son. My husband instructed me to pull our car in front of his so he could use the jumper cables. I began to protest while offering my opinion of how it could be done. My husband, bless his heart, simple closed his eyes tights. I think that must somehow help him not open his mouth and yell at me. So I jumped in and backed up quickly and pulled the car in front of his. (There was a bit of frustration involved in my backing up as I think I did about 30 mph!) I could tell by the look on his face I had not done as he wanted. So I slammed on the brakes, shoved the car in park and got in the passengers seat without saying a word.

My husband dropped the jumper cables while saying, "What are you doing?" What does it look like I am doing, dear? I am letting you drive since I obviously can't. He got in the car to position it as he had envisioned. I began to smell a burning smell. I looked out the windshield and down on the ground. The jumper cables were touching each other on the ground and were attached to his car battery. Smoke billowed and sparks began to fly...in 2 places. I yelled, "You are about to start your car on fire!! What were you thinking?!! I jumped out and separated the cables. After my husband got out and tried to jump his car, it would not work. I was mad at him and at the circumstances and was freezing cold.

In order to leave the car in the parking lot we had to once again push it forward and then back it up to straighten out my poor steering from before. When we got it pushed, all while freezing and watching a few people walk by and stare (I felt like yelling, "No really, I've got it. I am a very strong stay-at-home mom, I don't need your help pushing this big piece of tin!!"), we got in our car that was running and headed home to get some tools.

We fought all the way home. I was focused on the fact that we almost blew up a car in the last 5 minutes. When we were backing out of our driveway a few moments later I said, "Honey, can we pray??" Thank you Lord for the conviction of your Holy Spirit. My husband and I are a team. When unity is broken, all hell breaks loose. The enemy wanted a foothold. "Let's see if I can set this marriage on fire," I could hear him whisper! Well, PRAISE GOD that we separated the cables that were sparking! We recommitted our day to the Lord and armed ourselves with the Lord's might.

I learned a couple of valuable lessons yesterday. First of all, just because I get up and read my bible and pray doesn't mean that my day will go off without a hitch. I often say to myself, "Why is this happening today, I read my bible and prayed?!" Well, trials come to test our faith not because we have not prayed. Praise God that I did pray or I might have just driven away and left my husband at Starbucks with his car on fire. Just kidding. I would never do that. Secondly, I learned the importance of listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit. How easily we can squelch that still, small voice by yelling with ours. I knew that my attitude was wrong. I knew that I was allowing circumstances to influence my emotions. But, praise God that I was able to stop and yield to the Holy Spirit. Next, I learned once again the importance of unity in our marriages. We cannot accomplish much when we are at odds with anyone. Getting upset with my husband only complicated our circumstance. There was no one to blame in the situation. It was not any one's fault. Oh how our flesh wants to point its bony finger!! Instead, the better choice is to pray and communicate. One secret that my husband and I have discovered in these situations is to LAUGH!! Oh how good it felt a little later in the day to laugh at how dumb we both were. Laughter is indeed good medicine.

The final lesson is to let your husband do the driving when precision is important. This applies to our relationships too, gals. We are to submit to our husbands in everything. That is what God's word says. Mind you, we aren't to be doormats or rag dolls for abuse. But one thing that I have learned (almost) is that things work much better when you allow your husband to assume the position that God has given him as the head of the household instead of stepping on him while putting ourselves there. When we are obedient to God in this, God deals with our husbands and we are off the hook and out of the line of fire!!