Fear

I struggle with fear. Just admitting it makes me feel a little better, a little stronger. I have struggled with fear for as long as I can remember. I used to be a member of the Colorado Children's Chorale as a kid. We would travel around and sing with the Denver Symphony. (That was back when I actually had confidence in my ability to sing :) ) Anyway, I can remember worrying the whole time we were performing about whether or not my parents knew where to pick me up. The Boettcher Concert Hall had many entrances and exits. There were times when they were late and I would become hysterical.

Now I am 32...I actually sat in my car this week for an extended period of time and tried to figure out how old I was. I was convinced that I was not 32, but the math just kept telling me otherwise. Anyway, I still have fear. I have read books on it, studied it and thought a lot about it. It would feel good to be free from it. Especially because it is a behavior that is copied by little watching eyes. I see my daughter becoming the little worrier that I was when I was her age.

Becoming a mother has given me a new list of things to worry about. Germs is one of those things. I see this trend in women my age...so OBSESSED about something we can't see and really can't control. I have talked to women who overuse Purel, who strip their children and shower them after school to prevent germs and women who wake their children from a nap to clean their hands because they forgot before they laid them down. Lord have mercy on us!! I include myself in this cry too!!

I am convinced that this world has taught us to sweat the small things. To control every possible thing that you can. We are taught where germs are, how to kill them, how to prevent them from spreading. We can buy germ killing Kleenex, antimicrobial lunchboxes and hand sanitizer that works for 5 hours. We may feel like we are protecting our kids but guess what?? We are actually doing them a disservice. We are creating super bugs that can't be killed by Clorox or some bugs that can't be beat with antibiotics. Yet we continue to sanitize every square inch of our lives.

In my mind, it boils down to fear. God knew that our world would be a dirty one. He isn't surprised by any virus or bug. He created our bodies in such a way that they would fight off any foreign intruder. But instead, we step in and kill the germ before our bodies have a chance to show us how incredibly remarkable they are! I want to stop worrying so much and start enjoying every minute with my kids. I want to spend less time worrying about door nobs and toilet seats. Don't get me wrong, I still want a clean house but not at the expense of my child's sanity.

Ugh. That's a load. I fear other things beside germs. God will bless me with something and I will live in fear that I will loose it. I will trust God and then not trust Him. Believe Him and then become sick with worry. I read a quote once about worry: That it is like a rocking chair, even though it moves, it doesn't take you anywhere. Lord, as I sit here, my heart heavy with a burden. Something that I have worried over more than I have trusted you, liberate me! Free me Lord. I was never meant to carry the burdens of this life. I want to believe you. I want to know you as trustworthy. Help me to know the depths of Who you are so that I can trust you completely. I know I need to give up the reigns and let you lead. How many times have I prayed this Lord? Let this be the year that I stand on top and shout out with victory. You have the power to deliver me from this fear. Fear is the opposite of Faith and you say in your word that it is faith that pleases You. I LONG to please you Lord. See my heart, meet me right where I am. I know you will, you are faithful and true. Thank you in advance for liberty. In the powerful name of Jesus I pray, AMEN.

Word of the Month

I have decided on a word for the month, if not the year. I am praying that I might experience the superabundance that God has to offer us through a personal relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. This is no small living. This is mega-living! I am praying for His superabundance to permeate my life in every area. He has come to give me life to the full. (See John 10:10). That's what I want for this year. Guess what? That's what He has wanted for us since the beginning of time. Begin today living SUPERABUNDANTLY in Him!! I am overwhelmed at how He has blessed me and I want to live like it!

su·per·a·bun·dant /ˌsupərəˈbʌndənt/ –adjective
exceedingly or excessively abundant; more than sufficient; excessive.

American Psychological Association (APA):
superabundance. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved January 08, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance
Chicago Manual Style (CMS):
superabundance. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance (accessed: January 08, 2008).
Modern Language Association (MLA):
"superabundance." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 08 Jan. 2008. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance