I can't believe that my due date is approaching. Technically, I could go into labor tomorrow and be considered full term...hard to fathom. So many changes around the corner!
I took my kids shopping to pick out backpacks and lunchboxes. I always looked forward to back to school shopping. Summers were fun, but the excitement of a new school year was always something I lived for. Something about wearing new clothes and getting new pens that just made me smile.
My kids had fun picking from the latest icons. My daughter chose a popular teeny bopper star while my son settled for Cars stuff. We had a hard time choosing between batman and Cars. I am glad he settled on the tamer one, he made his mommy proud. He handed me the backpack and I asked him if he would like to try it on. He shook his head yes. I proceeded to tighten the straps and then pull it onto his tiny little back. The straps hung to the floor, the pack itself at least to his knees. There he stood with a ball cap on and the cutest dimples ever smiling from ear to ear. I couldn't help it, I began to weep. I melted into a puddle on the floor of Target and just had a good cry. I don't even blame pregnancy hormones, it was just a moment of a mom not wanting to let go of her little one.
My mind has been reflecting since of whether or not I have prepared my son for the world of school. Did I play enough with him when he was home. Did I equip him with the tools he needed to be successful as a student. Suddenly the weight of motherhood overwhelms me.
When I think of what happened in the family of Steven Curtis Chapman and how perspective is so important, I get convicted. Was it necessary that we, "HURRY UP!!" or does mommy really have to do everything herself just for the sake of being "quicker!" The tender sweet times with my 2 oldest children are changing. They still need their mom, but they also need their independence and they need to begin to fly on their own. I'm just not ready and am hardly convinced that I did my best when they were home with me all the time. Could I have done better?
My eyes well with tears as I type this. I know that God has a plan and a purpose for every single one of our lives. Sometimes I wonder if being a mother is the only plan for my life. I have bucked against this idea so many times demanding that God had another ministry for me. I feel like I constantly sought Him for this other ministry and perhaps overlooked the ministry that He so graciously gave me with my 2 older children. With a third on the way there is hope that I could "do it better." But how do I let go of the regrets that I carry now?
I know that God never intends for us to handle things on our own. I was just reading a bible story to my kids tonight that reminded me of this. The story was about Joshua and Caleb and their scouting trip to the promised land. They saw the bounty and beauty of the land and the other scouts fixed their eyes on the problems. God rewarded Joshua and Caleb for fixing their gaze on God and His ability to accomplish things for us while he punished those who tried to figure things out for themselves. I couldn't help but think of which camp I find myself in most often.
We were just faced again today with a situation that can't be reasoned through with human understanding. I have ideas of how my husband and I can fix the problem but really my ideas won't get us very far. No, my ideas will only land us 40 years in a desert where we would eventually call it quits. God wants us to see Him and His enormity. I am not sure how He can take what I have done as a mother and use it for His glory, but I am not going to doubt that He is able. He can fill in where I neglected and fix what I botched. He can also help me to become so completely depended upon Him that it happens without thinking.
If motherhood is the only ministry that God gives me on this earth I so desperately long for Him to say, "Well done." I know he doesn't expect perfection. Sometimes I feel like motherhood fits on me like that big old backpack on my son, it just seems too big and I feel so small. "But God." That's all that I hang my hope on. I love my children so desperately and I so desire to be the mommy they need and deserve. Help me Lord to lay down my own selfish ambitions and simply seek You and Your plans for everyday. Each day with my kids is treasure. Overwhelm me with that fact Lord, in the tough moments and frustrating moments. Overwhelm me with you. I mean over the top Lord. I can't stand to have just a little of You. This little girl needs a great Big Daddy to take her hand so that she can take the hands of her precious gems and lead them straight to you.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Like any other day
Today began like any other day. A trip to the bathroom at 1:00 a.m. Nothing new for this pregnant girl. Then awakened again at 3 a.m. this time by my seven year old daughter. She has been sleeping a lot like a 2 year old these days. I can't figure it out. She woke again at 4:30 a.m. and then was up for good at 6:30 a.m. Let me just be honest, I laid in my bed for the longest time having panic attacks. Guess what? A newborn is joining our family in a few short weeks and will sleep like, well, a newborn.
My nights of uninterrupted sleep are over. I managed to get downstairs to feed the kids breakfast. I had given my daughter ibuprofen at the 4:30 a.m. wake up call because I discovered that she had a fever. I couldn't give her any more medicine yet and she was miserable. Her head hurt and her belly hurt. Okay, Dr. Mom goes into evaluation mode trying to figure out the who, what, where of the virus. Who has she been around? What were her symptoms? Where was I going to take her today?
We made it through breakfast. My children had remembered that I purchased a pool the day before to play with in the back yard. Despite her fever and ailments, my daughter was desperate to play in the pool. I got out a mini electric pump and went to work on blowing up all 6 air compartments. Thank goodness for the pump, I would have passed out trying to squeeze the nozzle while blowing slow breaths with all my might. Every 2 seconds I would have to tell my kids to stop touching the pool. They would run around it, try to step on it, try to jump in it. Good grief. "Go play please," I said. "We are playing!" They replied. Of course.
After we got the pool blown up, I had to convince the kids that we couldn't go in it right away. I tried to tell them that the water would be too cold and that we would have to let the sun warm up the water. We took the pool in the back yard and it was like trying to keep bees from soda. "Stop touching the pool!" I wailed. I would try to put the hose in and one of the kids would insist on helping by moving the hose which inevitably resulted in me getting wet. "Ugh!"
I told my kids they had to earn time in the pool by doing some workbook pages. They were quite compliant. I figured it was a great way to kill an hour. I helped my daughter with test prep, writing and math. I helped my son with the letter "C" and with counting. Speaking of counting, each minute was counted until we could get our suits on and go outside.
I took the kids upstairs and put their suits on. Both kids have bad sunburns from the weekend at the neighbor's pool. I had to argue with both of them to get them to wear t-shirts over their suits. "Does mine look dumb?" my daughter asked. "Do we care?" I replied. My son complained that his shirt would get wet. "Ugh!" Once we got outside in the pool after a spray with sunscreen, (another exciting 10 minutes) my son declares, "My shirt is sticking to me like glue." I gave no reply.
Several minutes into the playing my daughter had to go potty. In we came. Grass brushed off the feet, I just mopped yesterday, and into the bathroom. Shirt off. Suit off. Suit on. Shirt on. Wash hands. Back outside. I sat down for a few minutes hoping to read. Not so. I began having contractions. Baby boy doesn't like heat. Inside I went. That didn't go over very well. I had to explain that I was watching from the inside.
Screaming about bugs in the pools came. Screams about towels being dropped in the pool came. Complaints about being cold came. More potty breaks came. Yet through it all, there was a lot of laughter between my son and daughter.
After eating lunch outside, I brought the kids in to shower. I cleaned up the kids, cleaned up the pool and tried to rest. My son was not having anything to do with that. My daughter put herself down for a 2 hour nap (at 7 that is impressive). She woke up happier. I was struggling with my attitude all day long. I did a workout video during my daughter's nap and then showered myself. I took my kids to the library to return some books that were due today.
My daughter's fever climbed to 103. She was miserable which in turn made me not so happy. My son fell asleep in the car. When we arrived at the library I was taking on my cell phone, listening to my daughter tell me how miserable she felt, trying to figure out how to hold 25 library books with my cell phone and wake my 5 year old who was in a deep sleep in his car seat. I hung up my cell phone, woke my son, dropped some library books, picked up some library books and made it to the book return.
25 books clogged the return slot. The door would not close. I put my arm inside at which time my daughter lectured me telling me that the sign said not to put your hand in the slot. I managed to get the books down far enough to close the slot and we went inside to pick out a few more books.
Once again at home I made dinner fit for a camping family and then settled on the couch with my still ailing daughter and husband and son. We watched a show together and then my husband put the kids to bed. I headed out to buy more Tylenol, Motrin and 7-up for the headache, sore throat, upset tummy that my daughter has. My guess is Strep but time will tell.
I am exhausted. I can count on not sleeping well tonight. Yet, I will try. Through this normal day as a mom between whines, food prep and laundry folding the Lord reminded me that "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." So many times when I read the verse in Isaiah that talks about our strength being renewed as we wait on Him I focused on the "waiting on Him" part. That's not a bad thing, but God just showed me that He gives me His strength as I wait. So many times I get frustrated waiting and check out all my circumstances and get overwhelmed. Then I lose the victory completely. Tonight, I just began to praise God for the strength rising. I kept saying it over and over. I prayed it. I sang it. I believed it. My circumstances haven't changed, but my strength has been renewed.
Thank you Lord for your strength. As I expect it to come when I commit every detail to you, I know I won't be disappointed. Help me to sleep, Lord. Help me to wake up refreshed for a new day that probably won't be unlike today. I am a mom, and this day is just one among many...many opportunities that is to bless the little blessings that God so amazingly entrusted me with.
My nights of uninterrupted sleep are over. I managed to get downstairs to feed the kids breakfast. I had given my daughter ibuprofen at the 4:30 a.m. wake up call because I discovered that she had a fever. I couldn't give her any more medicine yet and she was miserable. Her head hurt and her belly hurt. Okay, Dr. Mom goes into evaluation mode trying to figure out the who, what, where of the virus. Who has she been around? What were her symptoms? Where was I going to take her today?
We made it through breakfast. My children had remembered that I purchased a pool the day before to play with in the back yard. Despite her fever and ailments, my daughter was desperate to play in the pool. I got out a mini electric pump and went to work on blowing up all 6 air compartments. Thank goodness for the pump, I would have passed out trying to squeeze the nozzle while blowing slow breaths with all my might. Every 2 seconds I would have to tell my kids to stop touching the pool. They would run around it, try to step on it, try to jump in it. Good grief. "Go play please," I said. "We are playing!" They replied. Of course.
After we got the pool blown up, I had to convince the kids that we couldn't go in it right away. I tried to tell them that the water would be too cold and that we would have to let the sun warm up the water. We took the pool in the back yard and it was like trying to keep bees from soda. "Stop touching the pool!" I wailed. I would try to put the hose in and one of the kids would insist on helping by moving the hose which inevitably resulted in me getting wet. "Ugh!"
I told my kids they had to earn time in the pool by doing some workbook pages. They were quite compliant. I figured it was a great way to kill an hour. I helped my daughter with test prep, writing and math. I helped my son with the letter "C" and with counting. Speaking of counting, each minute was counted until we could get our suits on and go outside.
I took the kids upstairs and put their suits on. Both kids have bad sunburns from the weekend at the neighbor's pool. I had to argue with both of them to get them to wear t-shirts over their suits. "Does mine look dumb?" my daughter asked. "Do we care?" I replied. My son complained that his shirt would get wet. "Ugh!" Once we got outside in the pool after a spray with sunscreen, (another exciting 10 minutes) my son declares, "My shirt is sticking to me like glue." I gave no reply.
Several minutes into the playing my daughter had to go potty. In we came. Grass brushed off the feet, I just mopped yesterday, and into the bathroom. Shirt off. Suit off. Suit on. Shirt on. Wash hands. Back outside. I sat down for a few minutes hoping to read. Not so. I began having contractions. Baby boy doesn't like heat. Inside I went. That didn't go over very well. I had to explain that I was watching from the inside.
Screaming about bugs in the pools came. Screams about towels being dropped in the pool came. Complaints about being cold came. More potty breaks came. Yet through it all, there was a lot of laughter between my son and daughter.
After eating lunch outside, I brought the kids in to shower. I cleaned up the kids, cleaned up the pool and tried to rest. My son was not having anything to do with that. My daughter put herself down for a 2 hour nap (at 7 that is impressive). She woke up happier. I was struggling with my attitude all day long. I did a workout video during my daughter's nap and then showered myself. I took my kids to the library to return some books that were due today.
My daughter's fever climbed to 103. She was miserable which in turn made me not so happy. My son fell asleep in the car. When we arrived at the library I was taking on my cell phone, listening to my daughter tell me how miserable she felt, trying to figure out how to hold 25 library books with my cell phone and wake my 5 year old who was in a deep sleep in his car seat. I hung up my cell phone, woke my son, dropped some library books, picked up some library books and made it to the book return.
25 books clogged the return slot. The door would not close. I put my arm inside at which time my daughter lectured me telling me that the sign said not to put your hand in the slot. I managed to get the books down far enough to close the slot and we went inside to pick out a few more books.
Once again at home I made dinner fit for a camping family and then settled on the couch with my still ailing daughter and husband and son. We watched a show together and then my husband put the kids to bed. I headed out to buy more Tylenol, Motrin and 7-up for the headache, sore throat, upset tummy that my daughter has. My guess is Strep but time will tell.
I am exhausted. I can count on not sleeping well tonight. Yet, I will try. Through this normal day as a mom between whines, food prep and laundry folding the Lord reminded me that "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." So many times when I read the verse in Isaiah that talks about our strength being renewed as we wait on Him I focused on the "waiting on Him" part. That's not a bad thing, but God just showed me that He gives me His strength as I wait. So many times I get frustrated waiting and check out all my circumstances and get overwhelmed. Then I lose the victory completely. Tonight, I just began to praise God for the strength rising. I kept saying it over and over. I prayed it. I sang it. I believed it. My circumstances haven't changed, but my strength has been renewed.
Thank you Lord for your strength. As I expect it to come when I commit every detail to you, I know I won't be disappointed. Help me to sleep, Lord. Help me to wake up refreshed for a new day that probably won't be unlike today. I am a mom, and this day is just one among many...many opportunities that is to bless the little blessings that God so amazingly entrusted me with.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Updates
How could June be mostly over? How could our one summer vacation be over and done with except for a few stray pieces of luggage? How could summer be going so fast and yet some days seem to be filled with endless boredom?
Since my last post I have been madly trying to get things together for our precious new son that will arrive sometime in the next 6 to 10 weeks. Hard to believe except for my bulging tummy and ankles for that matter. It amazes me how much more expensive baby things seem to be...I guess along with everything else...gas, food, etc. God has been gracious and has given us wisdom on what to buy and what to live without.
My daughter recently cut 10 inches off her hair to donate for locks of love. My son got a cute haircut too...I had to convince him that he couldn't grow his out to donate. Cute. Cute. I am so blessed with great kids. I am overwhelmed by this fact constantly it seems.
I have decided to go green in several areas of our lives. We have always cleaned with green products which I love. The kids can help me and I don't worry about them breathing chemicals. I have found a natural makeup line that seems to be agreeing with my skin so far. And, drum roll please, we are exploring the possibility of cloth diapering. I am impressed with what is available and am thrilled at how much better the diapers are for baby and the environment. Just in case you are worried about me and being eco-conscious, I want to put you at ease in that I am still shaving my legs and have no plans to quit wearing deodorant any time soon. Again, as in any other areas of our lives, moderation is the key.
I am finding myself more introspective these days, thinking through the days and weeks to come. I am thankful during this time that my God is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I am so thankful for His intimate friendship. I have had so many questions during this time of transition for our family. I am just glad I know that He is rock that won't falter that won't leave that won't judge me.
That is about it for today. Lord, thank you for this day you have given me. Help me to find joy in each moment and most of all to recognize how close you are to little old me. Thank you that you care, you provide, you see, you know all and you never give up on me.
Since my last post I have been madly trying to get things together for our precious new son that will arrive sometime in the next 6 to 10 weeks. Hard to believe except for my bulging tummy and ankles for that matter. It amazes me how much more expensive baby things seem to be...I guess along with everything else...gas, food, etc. God has been gracious and has given us wisdom on what to buy and what to live without.
My daughter recently cut 10 inches off her hair to donate for locks of love. My son got a cute haircut too...I had to convince him that he couldn't grow his out to donate. Cute. Cute. I am so blessed with great kids. I am overwhelmed by this fact constantly it seems.
I have decided to go green in several areas of our lives. We have always cleaned with green products which I love. The kids can help me and I don't worry about them breathing chemicals. I have found a natural makeup line that seems to be agreeing with my skin so far. And, drum roll please, we are exploring the possibility of cloth diapering. I am impressed with what is available and am thrilled at how much better the diapers are for baby and the environment. Just in case you are worried about me and being eco-conscious, I want to put you at ease in that I am still shaving my legs and have no plans to quit wearing deodorant any time soon. Again, as in any other areas of our lives, moderation is the key.
I am finding myself more introspective these days, thinking through the days and weeks to come. I am thankful during this time that my God is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I am so thankful for His intimate friendship. I have had so many questions during this time of transition for our family. I am just glad I know that He is rock that won't falter that won't leave that won't judge me.
That is about it for today. Lord, thank you for this day you have given me. Help me to find joy in each moment and most of all to recognize how close you are to little old me. Thank you that you care, you provide, you see, you know all and you never give up on me.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Non sun burn
Okay, so I know and remember the constant night waking with being pregnant. I have to pee at least once a night. But last night when I woke up I felt like my face was on fire. For some reason it did not bother me at 3 in the morning. I just went pee and went back to bed. It takes me like 5 minutes to resettle and get my pillows just right so I don't roll over on my back like I am not suppose to. Then I have to adjust pillows so my neck doesn't get a kink. Then, it seems like baby decides to do the flip flops or kung fu. Ugh. Preparation for the sleepless nights to come :).
Anyway, when I got up finally this morning I glanced in the mirror as I went by. Not only was my face on fire but it itched and was like crab red. We are not talking like cute pink been in my garden for the afternoon but like an "Oh my goodness what happened to that lady" red. Upon further inspection, the places that were red not only itched but were swollen. Holy cow. I didn't sign up for this!
I had decided that because I was out of the facial cleanser that I had been using that I would try another that had the "NEW" label on it. I have said before that I am a sucker when it comes to trying new things. If I don't try it I will never know if it was a miracle product that might put all my others to shame and do things that I never knew were possible with skincare. So, I couldn't just buy the new cleanser, I had to do the whole line...cleanser, toner and moisturizer. Now it was very apparent to me that I was possibly allergic to one of the ingredients in one of the items. Okay, very deathly allergic.
My husband woke up and he said, "It looks like your face has some sort of chemical burn." Okay, I had just spent the last 10 minutes inspecting my face in the mirror trying to convince myself that in more natural light it couldn't possibly be as bad as I thought. I guessed wrong. I tried washing my face gently and that only made it itch. I took a shower, same story.
My husband has said to me again and again, "Why do you switch products. Why don't you stick with what works. I don't understand you." So back to the store I went to buy the old tried-and-true cleanser (which happens to be an extra gentle cleanser). I don't really know what I was thinking. I was eager to just give something new a try and was sure my skin could handle it. Let me tell you, the walk back to what really works is a long walk back...you can guess where I am going.
The spiritual implication that I can make is simple: Mess with fire and you are going to get burned. Stick with the truth and you won't be disappointed (or itchy and swollen!).
Anyway, when I got up finally this morning I glanced in the mirror as I went by. Not only was my face on fire but it itched and was like crab red. We are not talking like cute pink been in my garden for the afternoon but like an "Oh my goodness what happened to that lady" red. Upon further inspection, the places that were red not only itched but were swollen. Holy cow. I didn't sign up for this!
I had decided that because I was out of the facial cleanser that I had been using that I would try another that had the "NEW" label on it. I have said before that I am a sucker when it comes to trying new things. If I don't try it I will never know if it was a miracle product that might put all my others to shame and do things that I never knew were possible with skincare. So, I couldn't just buy the new cleanser, I had to do the whole line...cleanser, toner and moisturizer. Now it was very apparent to me that I was possibly allergic to one of the ingredients in one of the items. Okay, very deathly allergic.
My husband woke up and he said, "It looks like your face has some sort of chemical burn." Okay, I had just spent the last 10 minutes inspecting my face in the mirror trying to convince myself that in more natural light it couldn't possibly be as bad as I thought. I guessed wrong. I tried washing my face gently and that only made it itch. I took a shower, same story.
My husband has said to me again and again, "Why do you switch products. Why don't you stick with what works. I don't understand you." So back to the store I went to buy the old tried-and-true cleanser (which happens to be an extra gentle cleanser). I don't really know what I was thinking. I was eager to just give something new a try and was sure my skin could handle it. Let me tell you, the walk back to what really works is a long walk back...you can guess where I am going.
The spiritual implication that I can make is simple: Mess with fire and you are going to get burned. Stick with the truth and you won't be disappointed (or itchy and swollen!).
Monday, April 28, 2008
What does it look like?
Okay, so today I going to test the comment part of my blog...I know that I am not always good at commenting on blogs myself, but I am curious about the opinions of you moms out there.
What does being a "good" mom look like to you? Do you feel like you are a "good" mom? What characteristic do you find yourself lacking if any?
Here goes my sharing: I have battled the good mom syndrome for as long as I have had kids. I thought that a good mom spent her whole day at her children's beck and call. Now after 7 years, reality has set in. I do my best to be there for my kids but let's face it, when you are pregnant and have 2 kids already, sometimes it is all you can do to meet one need for the day.
I felt like my mom was a good mom and I don't really remember her being there every moment to entertain me. She worked all my growing up years and I spent a better part of the day with my grandparents. I still think that the time she invested was sufficient.
When I have the proper perspective, i.e. a Godly one, I feel like I am a good mom. Knowing that good can mean different things for different moms, I feel free. I am the best mom for my kids and I know that God gave them to me with this understanding. I know I am not perfect and I don't always make Godly choices in my mothering, but I feel like I am good mom to my kids. (This is written in a moment of confidence!)
I feel like sometimes I lack the nurturing spirit that I have seen in other moms. Sometimes my creativity and motherly instincts are not always in me. Sometimes I feel like I have to dig deep and find that inner mom :) if that makes any sense to anyone.
I have read way too many articles on mothering and perhaps way too many books. My heart's cry of late has been that God would show me where I need to grow as a mom that pleases Him and that, He says, is "very good."
I'd like to follow up this post with a response to your comments....if anyone is out there???
What does being a "good" mom look like to you? Do you feel like you are a "good" mom? What characteristic do you find yourself lacking if any?
Here goes my sharing: I have battled the good mom syndrome for as long as I have had kids. I thought that a good mom spent her whole day at her children's beck and call. Now after 7 years, reality has set in. I do my best to be there for my kids but let's face it, when you are pregnant and have 2 kids already, sometimes it is all you can do to meet one need for the day.
I felt like my mom was a good mom and I don't really remember her being there every moment to entertain me. She worked all my growing up years and I spent a better part of the day with my grandparents. I still think that the time she invested was sufficient.
When I have the proper perspective, i.e. a Godly one, I feel like I am a good mom. Knowing that good can mean different things for different moms, I feel free. I am the best mom for my kids and I know that God gave them to me with this understanding. I know I am not perfect and I don't always make Godly choices in my mothering, but I feel like I am good mom to my kids. (This is written in a moment of confidence!)
I feel like sometimes I lack the nurturing spirit that I have seen in other moms. Sometimes my creativity and motherly instincts are not always in me. Sometimes I feel like I have to dig deep and find that inner mom :) if that makes any sense to anyone.
I have read way too many articles on mothering and perhaps way too many books. My heart's cry of late has been that God would show me where I need to grow as a mom that pleases Him and that, He says, is "very good."
I'd like to follow up this post with a response to your comments....if anyone is out there???
Monday, April 21, 2008
Family
I just love mine, first of all. What a blessing and a treasure I have in each one...even the one in my womb!
My morning consisted of waking up to my son coughing. I knew that he was coming down with something and the wake up call was just a reminder. With all of the hullabaloo about cough medicines I have opted to try more natural means of cough control (i.e. nothing). He slept well so God gets the glory for that one.
He came downstairs and played computer for awhile. He amazes me at his age (5) with his abilities to play on the computer. I try to limit his time. Try is the operative word here. How much is too much? At one point he called for fruit snacks. I didn't come so he called again more agitated. I started to grab some when he specified, "Spongebob, not just the fruity ones." Of course I had grabbed the fruity and had to go back to exchange them for the Spongebob ones. I served him his fruit snacks and he continued to play happily.
I managed to get it together enough to make it to the grocery store. I had a tighter budget this week so I was shopping the bargains. This week we will dine on tacos and homemade macaroni. Thanks to the Plainfield Chamber of Commerce lady who stopped by with some coupons for free pizzas at Pappa Murphy's before I left for the store! Sounds healthy eh? I actually called my mom from the grocery store because I felt guilty about the health of my meals. She quickly and confidently responded, "Do you pray over your meals?" Of course I responded, "yes." She then asked me, "Don't you think that our God is big enough to nourish your family with the food that you provide for them?" Again, a confident "yes" from me. She reminded me that God sees my heart and my grocery budget and is not limited by either. We serve a big God.
How refreshing it is to call on a mom to let you off the hook. We moms need to stick together. In a world that tries to dictate what is good or not for our kids we need God's wisdom, Godly counsel and Godly moms to help us along the way. This parenting stuff is daunting. Fruit snacks or raisins? Computer or none? How much? Organic or whole grain or both? Supplements or not? Vaccinate or not? The barrage of things we face daily is pretty incredible. All I know is that I do my best and God does the rest. His part is pretty big because I know my best isn't much. Something about filthy rags is ringing in my head right now. If you are a mom that needs to hear it, and I think most of us do, repeat this out loud several times, "I am a great mom and Christ enables me to take great care of my family." Sometimes I feel like this world tries to rob me of the confidence that I need to make it through each day. Today, I am combating that with battle on my knees and a loud proclamation that God enables me to be the best mom that I can be. No matter what my mothering looks like to anyone else, I will be confident!
Moms, don't be afraid to step out and seek encouragement like I did today. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone...audibly! If we wallow in our feelings of inadequacy or feelings of being overwhelmed the only one who wins is the enemy. Step out and make a call. On God first and then on another mom who can tell you that you are doing awesome and that you can make it. And best yet, when relying on God and Godly counsel your kids are going to turn out okay~!
My morning consisted of waking up to my son coughing. I knew that he was coming down with something and the wake up call was just a reminder. With all of the hullabaloo about cough medicines I have opted to try more natural means of cough control (i.e. nothing). He slept well so God gets the glory for that one.
He came downstairs and played computer for awhile. He amazes me at his age (5) with his abilities to play on the computer. I try to limit his time. Try is the operative word here. How much is too much? At one point he called for fruit snacks. I didn't come so he called again more agitated. I started to grab some when he specified, "Spongebob, not just the fruity ones." Of course I had grabbed the fruity and had to go back to exchange them for the Spongebob ones. I served him his fruit snacks and he continued to play happily.
I managed to get it together enough to make it to the grocery store. I had a tighter budget this week so I was shopping the bargains. This week we will dine on tacos and homemade macaroni. Thanks to the Plainfield Chamber of Commerce lady who stopped by with some coupons for free pizzas at Pappa Murphy's before I left for the store! Sounds healthy eh? I actually called my mom from the grocery store because I felt guilty about the health of my meals. She quickly and confidently responded, "Do you pray over your meals?" Of course I responded, "yes." She then asked me, "Don't you think that our God is big enough to nourish your family with the food that you provide for them?" Again, a confident "yes" from me. She reminded me that God sees my heart and my grocery budget and is not limited by either. We serve a big God.
How refreshing it is to call on a mom to let you off the hook. We moms need to stick together. In a world that tries to dictate what is good or not for our kids we need God's wisdom, Godly counsel and Godly moms to help us along the way. This parenting stuff is daunting. Fruit snacks or raisins? Computer or none? How much? Organic or whole grain or both? Supplements or not? Vaccinate or not? The barrage of things we face daily is pretty incredible. All I know is that I do my best and God does the rest. His part is pretty big because I know my best isn't much. Something about filthy rags is ringing in my head right now. If you are a mom that needs to hear it, and I think most of us do, repeat this out loud several times, "I am a great mom and Christ enables me to take great care of my family." Sometimes I feel like this world tries to rob me of the confidence that I need to make it through each day. Today, I am combating that with battle on my knees and a loud proclamation that God enables me to be the best mom that I can be. No matter what my mothering looks like to anyone else, I will be confident!
Moms, don't be afraid to step out and seek encouragement like I did today. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone...audibly! If we wallow in our feelings of inadequacy or feelings of being overwhelmed the only one who wins is the enemy. Step out and make a call. On God first and then on another mom who can tell you that you are doing awesome and that you can make it. And best yet, when relying on God and Godly counsel your kids are going to turn out okay~!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Life at my speed
It is 2:00 p.m. and I am still in my pajamas. My son is still in his pajamas. I asked him if he wanted to put on his clothes and he said "No, not yet." I asked him why and he replied, "Because my jammies are so fluffy." I could not argue with that. Today I agree with him. I have on my satin pj bottoms and and nice comfy shirt. Why bother with clothes when I am comfortable the way I am!!
We have had a crazy week. Trips to hospitals and doctors offices have made this girl tired. Next week will bring casts for my daughter and will also bring news whether we are having a boy or a girl. (I guess girl today). I was laying in bed this morning reminding myself that we are to forget what lies behind, even 24 hours behind, and press on towards what lies ahead. Even when what lies ahead seems difficult nothing is impossible with our God.
I heard Beth Moore say something this week that has stuck with me, "God's enormity trumps our inferiority." Hallelujah. Where we are weak and lacking He is strong. Where I don't measure up He picks up the slack. What an amazing God we serve.
Okay, here is my crazy question of the day. I have spent a lot of time over my sink the last couple days. We purchased a juicer, I love it, but it requires a lot of cleaning! Anyway, why is it that stainless steel sinks stain?? I get these crazy water stains everywhere. I thought it was called "stainless" steel?? What's the deal?
Back to the juicer. We decided that this purchase would make us healthier. We purchased nice produce, as nice as the budget would allow, and off we went. I thought, wow, I am clever because I can sneak a carrot into my kid's juice. I made my son a cup of strawberry, grape, apple, carrot. He took one sip and said, "I don't yike it!" "What part don't you like?" I replied. "The part that I swallow," he said. Well, that about covers it. So much for health for my kids. I have tried many ways to get veggies into them. I think prayer that somehow God would enrich fruit snack with antioxidants is all I am left with.
I feel healthier from my juice. I enjoy making different mixtures. Today was tomato, carrot, celery and apple. Fresh tomato juice is quite tasty. I don't know about the celery part...I had to imagine that taste away with every sip. The spiritual implication of course, God's word is sweet. There are those parts however, that are hard to swallow. They are good for us, but sometimes they are hard to get down.
Here's to a healthy, lazy Friday afternoon. Thanks Lord for your enormity!
We have had a crazy week. Trips to hospitals and doctors offices have made this girl tired. Next week will bring casts for my daughter and will also bring news whether we are having a boy or a girl. (I guess girl today). I was laying in bed this morning reminding myself that we are to forget what lies behind, even 24 hours behind, and press on towards what lies ahead. Even when what lies ahead seems difficult nothing is impossible with our God.
I heard Beth Moore say something this week that has stuck with me, "God's enormity trumps our inferiority." Hallelujah. Where we are weak and lacking He is strong. Where I don't measure up He picks up the slack. What an amazing God we serve.
Okay, here is my crazy question of the day. I have spent a lot of time over my sink the last couple days. We purchased a juicer, I love it, but it requires a lot of cleaning! Anyway, why is it that stainless steel sinks stain?? I get these crazy water stains everywhere. I thought it was called "stainless" steel?? What's the deal?
Back to the juicer. We decided that this purchase would make us healthier. We purchased nice produce, as nice as the budget would allow, and off we went. I thought, wow, I am clever because I can sneak a carrot into my kid's juice. I made my son a cup of strawberry, grape, apple, carrot. He took one sip and said, "I don't yike it!" "What part don't you like?" I replied. "The part that I swallow," he said. Well, that about covers it. So much for health for my kids. I have tried many ways to get veggies into them. I think prayer that somehow God would enrich fruit snack with antioxidants is all I am left with.
I feel healthier from my juice. I enjoy making different mixtures. Today was tomato, carrot, celery and apple. Fresh tomato juice is quite tasty. I don't know about the celery part...I had to imagine that taste away with every sip. The spiritual implication of course, God's word is sweet. There are those parts however, that are hard to swallow. They are good for us, but sometimes they are hard to get down.
Here's to a healthy, lazy Friday afternoon. Thanks Lord for your enormity!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
In a box
Moving is such a major ordeal. My sister moves every 3 years because her husband is in the military. I have a new level of respect for her. I told my husband that I had a great idea. We bought some of that plastic wrap for moving at a moving supply store. I told him that we should put everything that is left out in a big pile in the living room and run the plastic wrap around it several times. Then, when we move we can just pick up the big "left-over" and place it in the moving van. He wasn't amused.
I was shockingly saddened today as I put my pile of "skinny jeans" in a box to be moved. I actually thought that it might be better to just mark that box for Good Will. At the rate I am growing this pregnancy, I feel like I should just kiss those jeans good-by. They say that the weight gets harder to lose the more kids you have. I just rebuke those thoughts in Jesus name.
Let me just tell you that this girl gets a whole lot of junk in her trunk and more than one set of love handles. I lost my weight with my first due to stress, my second due to more stress. I am not planning on any major stress after this one which equals no easy weight loss.
As I sat in church tonight rejoicing and celebrating the resurrection of Christ, I began to think about my skinny jeans again. My whole identity I feel has been wrapped up in that box. I enjoy being fit and active and that has defined me most of my adult life. I realized that I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be what I have always been.
I began to think, what if instead of just putting those jeans in a box, I put my identity tied up in them in that box as well. What if, for perhaps the first time, I began to see myself in light of the power that Jesus died to give me. What if, instead of just dabbing the love of God on like a perfume I just dove right in and covered myself there. Funny how in that scenario clothes don't really seem to matter.
God has blessed me with another child. I am overwhelmed with His goodness. I feel horrible for having thoughts of how I look right now. Ultimately it doesn't matter. I long to have my insides refined before that little one arrives. Perhaps a couple battles won or a couple bad habits overcome. I want to take care of body but my soul is far more important. I know Jesus isn't checking out my Jean size and He doesn't base His love on how I look and neither should I.
So long skinny jeans. We may meet again, we may not. One thing is for sure, I promise that you won't recognize me if we do meet again. I'm determined not to be the same girl I was 9 months prior.
I just fell in love with a new worship CD and one of the songs on it talks about each day with Jesus being sweeter than the day before. Lord, let it be so. Let me draw ever closer to you and empower me to enjoy our relationship more each day and fall deeper in love with your word each day. Define me Lord. Remove anything else from my life that vies for your place. You are what I desire most and in You is where I am to be found. I don't want to be known for my skinny jeans but for the aroma of Christ that overwhelms people. Let today be sweeter than tomorrow and tomorrow sweeter than today.
I was shockingly saddened today as I put my pile of "skinny jeans" in a box to be moved. I actually thought that it might be better to just mark that box for Good Will. At the rate I am growing this pregnancy, I feel like I should just kiss those jeans good-by. They say that the weight gets harder to lose the more kids you have. I just rebuke those thoughts in Jesus name.
Let me just tell you that this girl gets a whole lot of junk in her trunk and more than one set of love handles. I lost my weight with my first due to stress, my second due to more stress. I am not planning on any major stress after this one which equals no easy weight loss.
As I sat in church tonight rejoicing and celebrating the resurrection of Christ, I began to think about my skinny jeans again. My whole identity I feel has been wrapped up in that box. I enjoy being fit and active and that has defined me most of my adult life. I realized that I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be what I have always been.
I began to think, what if instead of just putting those jeans in a box, I put my identity tied up in them in that box as well. What if, for perhaps the first time, I began to see myself in light of the power that Jesus died to give me. What if, instead of just dabbing the love of God on like a perfume I just dove right in and covered myself there. Funny how in that scenario clothes don't really seem to matter.
God has blessed me with another child. I am overwhelmed with His goodness. I feel horrible for having thoughts of how I look right now. Ultimately it doesn't matter. I long to have my insides refined before that little one arrives. Perhaps a couple battles won or a couple bad habits overcome. I want to take care of body but my soul is far more important. I know Jesus isn't checking out my Jean size and He doesn't base His love on how I look and neither should I.
So long skinny jeans. We may meet again, we may not. One thing is for sure, I promise that you won't recognize me if we do meet again. I'm determined not to be the same girl I was 9 months prior.
I just fell in love with a new worship CD and one of the songs on it talks about each day with Jesus being sweeter than the day before. Lord, let it be so. Let me draw ever closer to you and empower me to enjoy our relationship more each day and fall deeper in love with your word each day. Define me Lord. Remove anything else from my life that vies for your place. You are what I desire most and in You is where I am to be found. I don't want to be known for my skinny jeans but for the aroma of Christ that overwhelms people. Let today be sweeter than tomorrow and tomorrow sweeter than today.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Sunday Afternoon
We just got home from spending some time with a group of friends from church. We ate some great food, we laughed, the kids ate mostly cookies and pop and fought with each other. We came home and my husband and the kids are out enjoying the sunshine. I can hear my daughter crying in frustration about her bike riding. My son is far too big for the bike he has. I just watched him do a somersault in the yard with his bike helmet on. His knees are probably sore from the few short moments of trying to ride his bike. I have a new respect for the patience of my husband.
I am in my house looking at piles of this and that. Moving is never fun or easy or organized for me. I am overwhelmed and excited all at the same time. We are finally purchasing our first real home after 10 years of marriage. God has blessed us beyond measure again and again. We are so grateful. I look down at my bulging tummy and wonder why me. Why would God bless me. A broken mom who sometimes gets it right. A mom with two healthy, beautiful children and a loving husband and another blessing ready to come in August. I can't quite fathom God's goodness here, that is for sure.
The upcoming days will be filled with excitement and anticipation. I can't help but think of the challenges that lay ahead as well. Piles of boxes, sleepless nights, tests of whether or not I will finally be able to nurse and other adjustments. Will I be able to relax and enjoy the tender moments or will allow the moments to rush by covered in a pile of anxiety.
My prayer these days has been that God would empower this coward. I want Him to be my passion as I pursue the task of mothering like never before. I never thought of praying that God would equip me for the day to day stuff. I mostly depended upon Him for the monumental things. I would pray over situations during my day but never before set my face towards the heavens and cried out for daily power in my walk as a mother. Not as a woman, not as a pastor's wife but as a mom. I don't want to be a super mom I want to be a powerful mom. A mom that people look at and see Jesus oozing out all over the place in my interaction with and in regards to my kids.
Lord, you see all of the situations surrounding me. You alone are enthroned in heaven and yet that power is not untouchable. As you become more of my obsession I pray that you would help me as I walk this challenging road as a mom. Help me with the little moments and the big moments too. Most of all, help me to overcome the areas of weakness and stand tall in your strength. I give you praise and glory and honor for what you have done and are doing. I don't deserve your blessing and yet you give it in abundance. Thank you Lord, thank you. Help me to be a power-ful. A mom that so leans on your indwelling that I am lost and You are what people are left to see.
I am in my house looking at piles of this and that. Moving is never fun or easy or organized for me. I am overwhelmed and excited all at the same time. We are finally purchasing our first real home after 10 years of marriage. God has blessed us beyond measure again and again. We are so grateful. I look down at my bulging tummy and wonder why me. Why would God bless me. A broken mom who sometimes gets it right. A mom with two healthy, beautiful children and a loving husband and another blessing ready to come in August. I can't quite fathom God's goodness here, that is for sure.
The upcoming days will be filled with excitement and anticipation. I can't help but think of the challenges that lay ahead as well. Piles of boxes, sleepless nights, tests of whether or not I will finally be able to nurse and other adjustments. Will I be able to relax and enjoy the tender moments or will allow the moments to rush by covered in a pile of anxiety.
My prayer these days has been that God would empower this coward. I want Him to be my passion as I pursue the task of mothering like never before. I never thought of praying that God would equip me for the day to day stuff. I mostly depended upon Him for the monumental things. I would pray over situations during my day but never before set my face towards the heavens and cried out for daily power in my walk as a mother. Not as a woman, not as a pastor's wife but as a mom. I don't want to be a super mom I want to be a powerful mom. A mom that people look at and see Jesus oozing out all over the place in my interaction with and in regards to my kids.
Lord, you see all of the situations surrounding me. You alone are enthroned in heaven and yet that power is not untouchable. As you become more of my obsession I pray that you would help me as I walk this challenging road as a mom. Help me with the little moments and the big moments too. Most of all, help me to overcome the areas of weakness and stand tall in your strength. I give you praise and glory and honor for what you have done and are doing. I don't deserve your blessing and yet you give it in abundance. Thank you Lord, thank you. Help me to be a power-ful. A mom that so leans on your indwelling that I am lost and You are what people are left to see.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Catching Up
I took a walk with my kids today as the temperatures climbed to a balmy 35 degrees. My kids insisted on running ahead, running in the snow and mud and touching the snow piles with their bare hands. I was constantly mumbling "No, please don't!" to them but they were too far away to hear the request. They would stop every now and then and make sure I was still coming. I am a bit slower these days...both physically and mentally!
It was so sweet to see my precious kids running hand in hand down the sidewalk. My daughter who runs much faster than her brother just sort of pulled him along as she ran. My son didn't seem to mind as long as he never felt like he was behind. He hates to lose, especially to his sister. I savor the moments that my children love each other because it seems like they fight now more than they laugh together.
I did catch up to my kids today, only after I hollered and demanded they stop and wait. I feel just a little bit behind like that these days. I wish I could simply holler, "Stop. Wait!" But I know it wouldn't do any good. We have so much going on and my heart is so heavy. Just as I wrote those words the Lord just dropped into my heart that the "Stop. Wait!!" times are found in His presence. It is there where we can forget about what lies ahead or behind and just fall limp into His strong arms. I've needed those arms a lot lately. This has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life.
I will not, however, trade this season for the world. I do want to be able to look back and see how I have grown. I know that I have grown more deeply in love with my amazing husband. I know that the Lord is stretching me in ways I never knew I needed to be stretched. It is kind of like what happens during pregnancy...you don't think you can possibly grow any more and then boom overnight you have. I just wish that growing in the Lord could just sort of boom, happen during the night. Usually not. Hardly ever that. Mostly seasons of perseverance for me...I think I am a slow learner. Delete. I KNOW that I am a slow learner. Thank God He is patient. Thank God he gave me a patient husband.
Lord, thank you that I can depend on you. Thank you that I can come to you with all of my burdens, all of the deepest parts of my heart and know that you are so tender, so gentle with me. Help me during this season where I constantly feel like I want life to "stop and wait." I am desperate for more of your reality. Make yourself so real to me during this time. Help me remember that You are all that I need. Help me to accept the help that you send. Help me to be a blessing to others regardless of my own circumstances. I love you precious Lord.
It was so sweet to see my precious kids running hand in hand down the sidewalk. My daughter who runs much faster than her brother just sort of pulled him along as she ran. My son didn't seem to mind as long as he never felt like he was behind. He hates to lose, especially to his sister. I savor the moments that my children love each other because it seems like they fight now more than they laugh together.
I did catch up to my kids today, only after I hollered and demanded they stop and wait. I feel just a little bit behind like that these days. I wish I could simply holler, "Stop. Wait!" But I know it wouldn't do any good. We have so much going on and my heart is so heavy. Just as I wrote those words the Lord just dropped into my heart that the "Stop. Wait!!" times are found in His presence. It is there where we can forget about what lies ahead or behind and just fall limp into His strong arms. I've needed those arms a lot lately. This has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life.
I will not, however, trade this season for the world. I do want to be able to look back and see how I have grown. I know that I have grown more deeply in love with my amazing husband. I know that the Lord is stretching me in ways I never knew I needed to be stretched. It is kind of like what happens during pregnancy...you don't think you can possibly grow any more and then boom overnight you have. I just wish that growing in the Lord could just sort of boom, happen during the night. Usually not. Hardly ever that. Mostly seasons of perseverance for me...I think I am a slow learner. Delete. I KNOW that I am a slow learner. Thank God He is patient. Thank God he gave me a patient husband.
Lord, thank you that I can depend on you. Thank you that I can come to you with all of my burdens, all of the deepest parts of my heart and know that you are so tender, so gentle with me. Help me during this season where I constantly feel like I want life to "stop and wait." I am desperate for more of your reality. Make yourself so real to me during this time. Help me remember that You are all that I need. Help me to accept the help that you send. Help me to be a blessing to others regardless of my own circumstances. I love you precious Lord.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Loosing my brain cells and my lunch
Can you guess? Oh yes. Our family reservations are now going to be made for 5. No more two on two for this family. The children are about to outnumber us.
So far, after only nine weeks of pregnancy I have made very good friends with my toilet and my bed. Fatigue and nausea are my constant companions. I have done crazy things to boot. I have found my jar of peanut butter in a whole sink full of dirty dishes and have left the water running in the kitchen sink only to wonder what that wierd rushing water noise was. A couple days ago I actually paid for some things at a store and then left them there. My oldest child said to me, "Mom, I can't believe you just left your stuff there. I mean, how could you do that?" Well daughter, just wait until you are in you mid-thirties and have two children plus one on the way. Kids have a way of just sucking energy and sanity right out of you.
I would not trade my kids for anything. And I would not trade this pregnancy for anything. The bible says that children are a gift from the Lord and I consider myself truly blessed. I got to see my precious babies' heartbeat a week ago. The Lord is already knitting together the most perfect little one in my womb. Despite my constant throw ups and mix ups, I am desperatly humbled by God's grace and elated at the gift of life He has given to me yet again. It still seems rather surreal to me, almost too good to be true. Then I look down at my growing tummy or find myself sick and I remember how real it truly is.
What is it about early pregancy that makes you feel so fat and ugly? Maybe it's the new crop of blemishes or the fact that the only pants that fit right now are sweats?? I have tried to convince my husband that buying new makeup or getting a new haircut really do wonders for a woman's self esteem! He's coming around. What a guy! I've never felt attractive as a preganant woman. I think it has to do with the pickle/chocolate covered pretzel diet?? I just am thankful every day that there is a reason for all of this, a great reason!!
So far, after only nine weeks of pregnancy I have made very good friends with my toilet and my bed. Fatigue and nausea are my constant companions. I have done crazy things to boot. I have found my jar of peanut butter in a whole sink full of dirty dishes and have left the water running in the kitchen sink only to wonder what that wierd rushing water noise was. A couple days ago I actually paid for some things at a store and then left them there. My oldest child said to me, "Mom, I can't believe you just left your stuff there. I mean, how could you do that?" Well daughter, just wait until you are in you mid-thirties and have two children plus one on the way. Kids have a way of just sucking energy and sanity right out of you.
I would not trade my kids for anything. And I would not trade this pregnancy for anything. The bible says that children are a gift from the Lord and I consider myself truly blessed. I got to see my precious babies' heartbeat a week ago. The Lord is already knitting together the most perfect little one in my womb. Despite my constant throw ups and mix ups, I am desperatly humbled by God's grace and elated at the gift of life He has given to me yet again. It still seems rather surreal to me, almost too good to be true. Then I look down at my growing tummy or find myself sick and I remember how real it truly is.
What is it about early pregancy that makes you feel so fat and ugly? Maybe it's the new crop of blemishes or the fact that the only pants that fit right now are sweats?? I have tried to convince my husband that buying new makeup or getting a new haircut really do wonders for a woman's self esteem! He's coming around. What a guy! I've never felt attractive as a preganant woman. I think it has to do with the pickle/chocolate covered pretzel diet?? I just am thankful every day that there is a reason for all of this, a great reason!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Fear
I struggle with fear. Just admitting it makes me feel a little better, a little stronger. I have struggled with fear for as long as I can remember. I used to be a member of the Colorado Children's Chorale as a kid. We would travel around and sing with the Denver Symphony. (That was back when I actually had confidence in my ability to sing :) ) Anyway, I can remember worrying the whole time we were performing about whether or not my parents knew where to pick me up. The Boettcher Concert Hall had many entrances and exits. There were times when they were late and I would become hysterical.
Now I am 32...I actually sat in my car this week for an extended period of time and tried to figure out how old I was. I was convinced that I was not 32, but the math just kept telling me otherwise. Anyway, I still have fear. I have read books on it, studied it and thought a lot about it. It would feel good to be free from it. Especially because it is a behavior that is copied by little watching eyes. I see my daughter becoming the little worrier that I was when I was her age.
Becoming a mother has given me a new list of things to worry about. Germs is one of those things. I see this trend in women my age...so OBSESSED about something we can't see and really can't control. I have talked to women who overuse Purel, who strip their children and shower them after school to prevent germs and women who wake their children from a nap to clean their hands because they forgot before they laid them down. Lord have mercy on us!! I include myself in this cry too!!
I am convinced that this world has taught us to sweat the small things. To control every possible thing that you can. We are taught where germs are, how to kill them, how to prevent them from spreading. We can buy germ killing Kleenex, antimicrobial lunchboxes and hand sanitizer that works for 5 hours. We may feel like we are protecting our kids but guess what?? We are actually doing them a disservice. We are creating super bugs that can't be killed by Clorox or some bugs that can't be beat with antibiotics. Yet we continue to sanitize every square inch of our lives.
In my mind, it boils down to fear. God knew that our world would be a dirty one. He isn't surprised by any virus or bug. He created our bodies in such a way that they would fight off any foreign intruder. But instead, we step in and kill the germ before our bodies have a chance to show us how incredibly remarkable they are! I want to stop worrying so much and start enjoying every minute with my kids. I want to spend less time worrying about door nobs and toilet seats. Don't get me wrong, I still want a clean house but not at the expense of my child's sanity.
Ugh. That's a load. I fear other things beside germs. God will bless me with something and I will live in fear that I will loose it. I will trust God and then not trust Him. Believe Him and then become sick with worry. I read a quote once about worry: That it is like a rocking chair, even though it moves, it doesn't take you anywhere. Lord, as I sit here, my heart heavy with a burden. Something that I have worried over more than I have trusted you, liberate me! Free me Lord. I was never meant to carry the burdens of this life. I want to believe you. I want to know you as trustworthy. Help me to know the depths of Who you are so that I can trust you completely. I know I need to give up the reigns and let you lead. How many times have I prayed this Lord? Let this be the year that I stand on top and shout out with victory. You have the power to deliver me from this fear. Fear is the opposite of Faith and you say in your word that it is faith that pleases You. I LONG to please you Lord. See my heart, meet me right where I am. I know you will, you are faithful and true. Thank you in advance for liberty. In the powerful name of Jesus I pray, AMEN.
Now I am 32...I actually sat in my car this week for an extended period of time and tried to figure out how old I was. I was convinced that I was not 32, but the math just kept telling me otherwise. Anyway, I still have fear. I have read books on it, studied it and thought a lot about it. It would feel good to be free from it. Especially because it is a behavior that is copied by little watching eyes. I see my daughter becoming the little worrier that I was when I was her age.
Becoming a mother has given me a new list of things to worry about. Germs is one of those things. I see this trend in women my age...so OBSESSED about something we can't see and really can't control. I have talked to women who overuse Purel, who strip their children and shower them after school to prevent germs and women who wake their children from a nap to clean their hands because they forgot before they laid them down. Lord have mercy on us!! I include myself in this cry too!!
I am convinced that this world has taught us to sweat the small things. To control every possible thing that you can. We are taught where germs are, how to kill them, how to prevent them from spreading. We can buy germ killing Kleenex, antimicrobial lunchboxes and hand sanitizer that works for 5 hours. We may feel like we are protecting our kids but guess what?? We are actually doing them a disservice. We are creating super bugs that can't be killed by Clorox or some bugs that can't be beat with antibiotics. Yet we continue to sanitize every square inch of our lives.
In my mind, it boils down to fear. God knew that our world would be a dirty one. He isn't surprised by any virus or bug. He created our bodies in such a way that they would fight off any foreign intruder. But instead, we step in and kill the germ before our bodies have a chance to show us how incredibly remarkable they are! I want to stop worrying so much and start enjoying every minute with my kids. I want to spend less time worrying about door nobs and toilet seats. Don't get me wrong, I still want a clean house but not at the expense of my child's sanity.
Ugh. That's a load. I fear other things beside germs. God will bless me with something and I will live in fear that I will loose it. I will trust God and then not trust Him. Believe Him and then become sick with worry. I read a quote once about worry: That it is like a rocking chair, even though it moves, it doesn't take you anywhere. Lord, as I sit here, my heart heavy with a burden. Something that I have worried over more than I have trusted you, liberate me! Free me Lord. I was never meant to carry the burdens of this life. I want to believe you. I want to know you as trustworthy. Help me to know the depths of Who you are so that I can trust you completely. I know I need to give up the reigns and let you lead. How many times have I prayed this Lord? Let this be the year that I stand on top and shout out with victory. You have the power to deliver me from this fear. Fear is the opposite of Faith and you say in your word that it is faith that pleases You. I LONG to please you Lord. See my heart, meet me right where I am. I know you will, you are faithful and true. Thank you in advance for liberty. In the powerful name of Jesus I pray, AMEN.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Word of the Month
I have decided on a word for the month, if not the year. I am praying that I might experience the superabundance that God has to offer us through a personal relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. This is no small living. This is mega-living! I am praying for His superabundance to permeate my life in every area. He has come to give me life to the full. (See John 10:10). That's what I want for this year. Guess what? That's what He has wanted for us since the beginning of time. Begin today living SUPERABUNDANTLY in Him!! I am overwhelmed at how He has blessed me and I want to live like it!
su·per·a·bun·dant /ˌsupərəˈbʌndənt/ –adjective
exceedingly or excessively abundant; more than sufficient; excessive.
American Psychological Association (APA):
superabundance. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved January 08, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance
Chicago Manual Style (CMS):
superabundance. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance (accessed: January 08, 2008).
Modern Language Association (MLA):
"superabundance." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 08 Jan. 2008.http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance
su·per·a·bun·dant /ˌsupərəˈbʌndənt/ –adjective
exceedingly or excessively abundant; more than sufficient; excessive.
American Psychological Association (APA):
superabundance. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved January 08, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance
Chicago Manual Style (CMS):
superabundance. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/superabundance (accessed: January 08, 2008).
Modern Language Association (MLA):
"superabundance." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 08 Jan. 2008.
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