In a box

Moving is such a major ordeal. My sister moves every 3 years because her husband is in the military. I have a new level of respect for her. I told my husband that I had a great idea. We bought some of that plastic wrap for moving at a moving supply store. I told him that we should put everything that is left out in a big pile in the living room and run the plastic wrap around it several times. Then, when we move we can just pick up the big "left-over" and place it in the moving van. He wasn't amused.

I was shockingly saddened today as I put my pile of "skinny jeans" in a box to be moved. I actually thought that it might be better to just mark that box for Good Will. At the rate I am growing this pregnancy, I feel like I should just kiss those jeans good-by. They say that the weight gets harder to lose the more kids you have. I just rebuke those thoughts in Jesus name.
Let me just tell you that this girl gets a whole lot of junk in her trunk and more than one set of love handles. I lost my weight with my first due to stress, my second due to more stress. I am not planning on any major stress after this one which equals no easy weight loss.

As I sat in church tonight rejoicing and celebrating the resurrection of Christ, I began to think about my skinny jeans again. My whole identity I feel has been wrapped up in that box. I enjoy being fit and active and that has defined me most of my adult life. I realized that I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be what I have always been.

I began to think, what if instead of just putting those jeans in a box, I put my identity tied up in them in that box as well. What if, for perhaps the first time, I began to see myself in light of the power that Jesus died to give me. What if, instead of just dabbing the love of God on like a perfume I just dove right in and covered myself there. Funny how in that scenario clothes don't really seem to matter.

God has blessed me with another child. I am overwhelmed with His goodness. I feel horrible for having thoughts of how I look right now. Ultimately it doesn't matter. I long to have my insides refined before that little one arrives. Perhaps a couple battles won or a couple bad habits overcome. I want to take care of body but my soul is far more important. I know Jesus isn't checking out my Jean size and He doesn't base His love on how I look and neither should I.

So long skinny jeans. We may meet again, we may not. One thing is for sure, I promise that you won't recognize me if we do meet again. I'm determined not to be the same girl I was 9 months prior.

I just fell in love with a new worship CD and one of the songs on it talks about each day with Jesus being sweeter than the day before. Lord, let it be so. Let me draw ever closer to you and empower me to enjoy our relationship more each day and fall deeper in love with your word each day. Define me Lord. Remove anything else from my life that vies for your place. You are what I desire most and in You is where I am to be found. I don't want to be known for my skinny jeans but for the aroma of Christ that overwhelms people. Let today be sweeter than tomorrow and tomorrow sweeter than today.

Sunday Afternoon

We just got home from spending some time with a group of friends from church. We ate some great food, we laughed, the kids ate mostly cookies and pop and fought with each other. We came home and my husband and the kids are out enjoying the sunshine. I can hear my daughter crying in frustration about her bike riding. My son is far too big for the bike he has. I just watched him do a somersault in the yard with his bike helmet on. His knees are probably sore from the few short moments of trying to ride his bike. I have a new respect for the patience of my husband.

I am in my house looking at piles of this and that. Moving is never fun or easy or organized for me. I am overwhelmed and excited all at the same time. We are finally purchasing our first real home after 10 years of marriage. God has blessed us beyond measure again and again. We are so grateful. I look down at my bulging tummy and wonder why me. Why would God bless me. A broken mom who sometimes gets it right. A mom with two healthy, beautiful children and a loving husband and another blessing ready to come in August. I can't quite fathom God's goodness here, that is for sure.

The upcoming days will be filled with excitement and anticipation. I can't help but think of the challenges that lay ahead as well. Piles of boxes, sleepless nights, tests of whether or not I will finally be able to nurse and other adjustments. Will I be able to relax and enjoy the tender moments or will allow the moments to rush by covered in a pile of anxiety.

My prayer these days has been that God would empower this coward. I want Him to be my passion as I pursue the task of mothering like never before. I never thought of praying that God would equip me for the day to day stuff. I mostly depended upon Him for the monumental things. I would pray over situations during my day but never before set my face towards the heavens and cried out for daily power in my walk as a mother. Not as a woman, not as a pastor's wife but as a mom. I don't want to be a super mom I want to be a powerful mom. A mom that people look at and see Jesus oozing out all over the place in my interaction with and in regards to my kids.

Lord, you see all of the situations surrounding me. You alone are enthroned in heaven and yet that power is not untouchable. As you become more of my obsession I pray that you would help me as I walk this challenging road as a mom. Help me with the little moments and the big moments too. Most of all, help me to overcome the areas of weakness and stand tall in your strength. I give you praise and glory and honor for what you have done and are doing. I don't deserve your blessing and yet you give it in abundance. Thank you Lord, thank you. Help me to be a power-ful. A mom that so leans on your indwelling that I am lost and You are what people are left to see.