Catching Up

I took a walk with my kids today as the temperatures climbed to a balmy 35 degrees. My kids insisted on running ahead, running in the snow and mud and touching the snow piles with their bare hands. I was constantly mumbling "No, please don't!" to them but they were too far away to hear the request. They would stop every now and then and make sure I was still coming. I am a bit slower these days...both physically and mentally!

It was so sweet to see my precious kids running hand in hand down the sidewalk. My daughter who runs much faster than her brother just sort of pulled him along as she ran. My son didn't seem to mind as long as he never felt like he was behind. He hates to lose, especially to his sister. I savor the moments that my children love each other because it seems like they fight now more than they laugh together.

I did catch up to my kids today, only after I hollered and demanded they stop and wait. I feel just a little bit behind like that these days. I wish I could simply holler, "Stop. Wait!" But I know it wouldn't do any good. We have so much going on and my heart is so heavy. Just as I wrote those words the Lord just dropped into my heart that the "Stop. Wait!!" times are found in His presence. It is there where we can forget about what lies ahead or behind and just fall limp into His strong arms. I've needed those arms a lot lately. This has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life.

I will not, however, trade this season for the world. I do want to be able to look back and see how I have grown. I know that I have grown more deeply in love with my amazing husband. I know that the Lord is stretching me in ways I never knew I needed to be stretched. It is kind of like what happens during pregnancy...you don't think you can possibly grow any more and then boom overnight you have. I just wish that growing in the Lord could just sort of boom, happen during the night. Usually not. Hardly ever that. Mostly seasons of perseverance for me...I think I am a slow learner. Delete. I KNOW that I am a slow learner. Thank God He is patient. Thank God he gave me a patient husband.

Lord, thank you that I can depend on you. Thank you that I can come to you with all of my burdens, all of the deepest parts of my heart and know that you are so tender, so gentle with me. Help me during this season where I constantly feel like I want life to "stop and wait." I am desperate for more of your reality. Make yourself so real to me during this time. Help me remember that You are all that I need. Help me to accept the help that you send. Help me to be a blessing to others regardless of my own circumstances. I love you precious Lord.

Loosing my brain cells and my lunch

Can you guess? Oh yes. Our family reservations are now going to be made for 5. No more two on two for this family. The children are about to outnumber us.

So far, after only nine weeks of pregnancy I have made very good friends with my toilet and my bed. Fatigue and nausea are my constant companions. I have done crazy things to boot. I have found my jar of peanut butter in a whole sink full of dirty dishes and have left the water running in the kitchen sink only to wonder what that wierd rushing water noise was. A couple days ago I actually paid for some things at a store and then left them there. My oldest child said to me, "Mom, I can't believe you just left your stuff there. I mean, how could you do that?" Well daughter, just wait until you are in you mid-thirties and have two children plus one on the way. Kids have a way of just sucking energy and sanity right out of you.

I would not trade my kids for anything. And I would not trade this pregnancy for anything. The bible says that children are a gift from the Lord and I consider myself truly blessed. I got to see my precious babies' heartbeat a week ago. The Lord is already knitting together the most perfect little one in my womb. Despite my constant throw ups and mix ups, I am desperatly humbled by God's grace and elated at the gift of life He has given to me yet again. It still seems rather surreal to me, almost too good to be true. Then I look down at my growing tummy or find myself sick and I remember how real it truly is.

What is it about early pregancy that makes you feel so fat and ugly? Maybe it's the new crop of blemishes or the fact that the only pants that fit right now are sweats?? I have tried to convince my husband that buying new makeup or getting a new haircut really do wonders for a woman's self esteem! He's coming around. What a guy! I've never felt attractive as a preganant woman. I think it has to do with the pickle/chocolate covered pretzel diet?? I just am thankful every day that there is a reason for all of this, a great reason!!