Yes, I'm still here

Okay, okay. Yes it has been a long time since I have written anything. Life often sneaks up on you! We've had company and a sick little one. It is crazy how quickly time can pass. The time has not just been filled with busyness, but with contemplation.

Just looking at the title of this blog made my mind begin to go, go, go... (By the way, I am going to purchase a new Best Selling book entitled, "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" and it is about the proper use of commas. Many of you grammarians will be relieved I'm sure!) Anyway, back to the title, "Yes, I'm still here." That title could sum up what I have been feeling these last weeks. (This blog is going to turn out being very different from my others, I think...) Do you ever feel like you are still "here." Stuck in a season. Stuck in the mud. Stuck in a valley. Left in the dust. Lost. Forgotten. Unimportant. Worthless. Do those feelings ever come over you like they do me? I wake up feeling like, "Yep. I'm still here. Still where I was when I went to bed last night. Still where I was 3 weeks ago." The title of an old book keeps going through my head, "Have You Felt Like Giving Up Lately?" That would about sum it up for me I think.

When I have feelings like this I become a poor friend. A sub-par mother. A wife that isn't much of a help mate. After concluding this I can say with confidence that these feelings and emotions are not productive. Nevertheless, they are real feelings and they need to be dealt with. It would be nice if we could snap our finger and make them go away. We could just sing "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart." Most people would agree that sometimes it just isn't quite as cut and dried as we would wish. The day to day grind takes more than a catchy tune and a smile to make it through.

As I look at those words, "Yes, I'm still here" through a depressed mope I saw a different perspective, as though a light went on. What if I looked at those words as though God were speaking them over me? Guess what? He does. Every moment. Every single day. He spoke them very clearly over me the other day as I was praying with a friend. "YES, THE I AM IS STILL HERE." His resurrection power hasn't changed. God isn't hiding. God isn't playing a cruel game of hide and seek or "Let's see if she can find her way out of this one!" God wants us not only to have Him, He wants us to be completely and utterly dependent on Him. You know when that happens best? When we are in the dark valley with no clue, no answers, no help OTHER THAN THE ALMIGHTY, FULL OF POWER, BATTLE WINNING!! GOD.

I read the story of David and Goliath this morning. A couple things stuck out to me that had not ever before. The fact that, "For FORTY DAYS, every morning AND evening, the Philistine champion strutted in front of the Israelite army" (1 Sam 17:16) What? Forty days? I can relate to that. How many days and nights have I let my enemies taunt me? Five days, five weeks? I love what David says...rather what David proclaims, "WHO IS THIS PAGAN PHILISTINE ANYWAY, THAT HE IS ALLOWED TO DEFY THE ARMIES OF THE LIVING GOD?" Today I proclaim with David, "Who are these struggles or circumstances or emotions that I have allowed to defy the army of the living God!!" I proclaim again, "Who are you to defy the army of the living God!!!!" I have visions of myself with my son's three year old sunday school class marching and singing, "We are in the Lord's army!"

David goes on to say, "I'll go fight him." I tell myself as much as I say emphatically to you, we must fight. Will you go and fight? God will arm you if you choose to fight! We don't wage war as the world does. Saul tried to give David his weapons to fight Goliath. But David says, "I'm not used to the[se]" (vs 39). He then tells Goliath, "You come to me with sword, spear and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of Heaven's Armies - the God of the armies of Isreal, whom you have defied" (vs 45). We must not try to fight our circumstances with anything less than word of God and the Name of the Lord. Verse 47 proclaims, "This is the Lord's battle, and He will give you to us!" One of my favorite descriptions of the Lord is Him as a Warrior. He has won the victory. We have the victory but keeping it is a full time job. Not a job to be completed in our own strength but a battle of keeping ourselves constantly before the Lord and constantly keeping HIS PERSPECTIVE. NOT, "Yes, I'm still here in this dark, lonely valley." BUT "Yes, I AM is still here and I am going to keep running to His open arms." The living God that was and is and is to come is still with me.

Lord, as I begin this day, I pray that I would not have a limited perspective. Help me to see my circumstances for what they are, mere shadows under the feet of a giant God. Help me Lord to exercise my faith in my circumstances. You have given me Your Name and Your Word to proclaim in the battle, help me to use them. I say by faith to my enemies today, "Who are you anyway, that I have allowed you to defy a daughter of the King?" I know who I am in you Lord and I shout it out this morning. I have been bought with a price. Loneliness you must flee. Depression, you have no power over me today. Sadness, you are replaced with the joy of God and the peace that I have in Him. I have the victory today, in Jesus name. I've got the victory. I will stand in victory and I will move through the valley with my Warrior God leading me every step of the way. I am an overcomer and I will enjoy a banquet in the presence of my enemies. I will no longer allow my enemy to taunt me, because I know who I am in I AM!!!! Forgive me Lord for giving up. Giving up is not a choice in this army...because that is when we will be defeated!! "I'll go fight!"

If you have not yet read any excerpts from Streams in the Desert I highly encourage you. It is a great devotional. May you find streams of living water bubbling up in your dry place today!