Seems like once a month I get to sit down and spill my thoughts on the tablet that my computer provides. So much is happening right now it seems too overwhelming to write about it all. Someone once said that I used to be funnier. Life just isn't quite as funny to me as it used to be.
Lord, you alone know the deepest parts of my soul. You know my weaknesses and my disappointments and yet you Love me so desperately. You know my tendency to place other gods before you and yet you lead me right back to your loving arms.
You alone have ordained this time and this place for me to be. Help me to know you right here and right now. You have given me three precious children to care for and teach. I feel like I fall so miserably short of what you want from me. I want to be better and yet I know that I can't change myself. The changing will only come from knowing You more. Teach me. Help me to be founded securely on Your love and Your love alone. My desire is to be like that Olive Tree THRIVING in Your house trusting in your loving kindness!
My life has been consumed mostly with the trials of health for my oldest and youngest. Strep throat six times. Surgery to remove tonsils. Ear infections at least six times. Upcoming surgery to put in tubes. Food allergies. Reflux. Sleep problems. Hives. Each has come like waves on the ocean. One after the other with no rest between each blow. I feel disconnected and often times alone.
Oh but during this time, precious Father, You and You alone are proving how genuine and true You are. You will never fail me or leave me. You sympathize with my weakness and don't just judge me for them. You have a love for me that sees who I can be and not just who I am. You ordained this time for me to draw upon you to KNOW YOU IN IT. You are a VERY PRESENT help in times of trouble.
Right now I am struggling just to be IN IT. I want to be out of it. But by your sovereignty you have kept me right here so that I have recognized how desperate I am for you. I love YOU Lord. I am completely and utterly Yours. Thank you for treasuring me when I have felt rejected. Thank you that you are a gentle shepherd. Thank you for beginning to unearth the dead roots so that new life might spring up in its place. Let me be a planting Lord that yields fruit. Little by little. Help me to be patient during your incredible process.
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